Aleeza:To protect me?
I know I’m not supposed tolikethe fact that he’s going all caveman possessive on me, but when was the last time a friend actually cared about what happens to me?
Jay:Yes, and also, you’ll probably be the most interesting person there.
I exhale. I have no idea what’s going on with us today.
Aleeza:I have politics in an hour, and I need breakfast.
Jay:Okay. One more thing. If something happens to me when I’m not in the room, I’ll leave you a message.
Aleeza:How?
Jay:I’ll find a way. Back to the Future tonight? Eight o’clock?
Aleeza:Yes, absolutely. Looking forward to it.
Jay:Me too.
TWELVE
At breakfast I think about that conversation with Jay this morning. Yeah, I’d totally realized that I’d caught feelings for my unconventional new roommate—I mean, how could I not? This isJay Hoque. But the stuff he said to me this morning makes me wonder if he’s feeling somethingrealfor me too. It’s completely preposterous, but he literally said he wanted to ask me out.
After everything people have said about him, and even what he’s said about himself, how can I possibly take him seriously? Maybe this morning’s flirting was Jay being Jay—a player. But what would be the point of him angling for a no-commitment fling? We don’t even have a way to actually, you know, see each other in person.
Maybe we’re both feeling things we wouldn’t normally feel because we’re going through hard things right now. I mean, I’m super lonely and had an epic friend-breakup, and Jay, well, Jay just learned that he’s about to disappear off the face of the earth. We’re both vulnerable. If Jay and I met in normal circumstances, when both of our lives were going well, none of this would have happened.
I search Jay’s other three hookups on Instagram. One is white, one is South Asian, and one is East Asian. All are conventionally attractive. And all seem to have active social lives. None of them have octopuses on their grid. My self-esteem is fine, most of the time, but I know that I’m a little strange. Compared to these girls, I’m a lot strange.
But also ... these three girls aren’t really like Emma Coffey either. I can’t put my finger on it, but they seem more down to earth. Emma is clearly a social climber, and her Instagram is all designer clothes and gorgeous selfies, while these others have food and city pics, and more casual shots. I don’t know if I should bother reaching out to them. Something tells me they haven’t commented on Birdwatcher.
Instead, I check out Jay’s cousin Manal’s Instagram. Pictures of her watercolor art dominate her whole feed. She isverytalented. She has gorgeous realistic paintings of animals, but also some very cool, almost abstract pieces. Like you have to squint to recognize the thing you’re looking at, but when you do, it’s all you can see. She mostly works in warm colors—reds, yellows, and oranges—which gives her work a fiery quality. There’s also something vaguely familiar about it. I open her DMs and write a message, saying that I’m a friend of Jay’s and would love to speak to her for a podcast I’m doing about his disappearance. She doesn’t respond.
Later, in politics, I check my Instagram while the professor is taking a break. But I can’t see Manal’s account this time.
“She blocked me!” I say, shocked.
Gracie, who is sitting next to me, raises a brow. “Who?”
I show her my screen. “Jay’s cousin. I wanted to interview her for the podcast, but she blocked me after I DMed her.”
Gracie pulls out her own phone and brings up the account. “Oh wow, she’s talented. She’s probably had a lot of people contacting her for interviews. I don’t blame her for setting boundaries.”
Yeah, but this is different. Jaytoldher to trust me. But I can’t tell Gracie that.
“Yeah, I guess ... but I ...” I sigh. “I need to talk tosomeonefrom his family, don’t I?”
“Lemme try,” Gracie says. “I’m pretty sure I met her once when she was visiting Jay. Maybe she’ll agree to see me.”
Gracie sends her a DM. By the end of politics, she doesn’t have an answer either. But at least she’s not blocked.
The rest of the week is pretty uneventful, at least with regard to our investigation. Professor Sarah goes over my first draft of episode one and gives me great feedback. I record the episode with Gracie’s help in one of the soundproof booths in the library. Gracie doesn’t hear back from Manal. When I tell Jay that his cousin doesn’t seem to want to talk to me, he says to give her space, and that Manal can be a private person. He’s convinced we shouldn’t bother his family—they’re probably having a hard enough time. Since Bailey Cressman and Jack Gormley are our only suspects at this point, there isn’t much we can do until Jack’s party.
Jay and I watch all threeBack to the Futuremovies on Wednesday and Thursday nights, and the movies are way better than I remember. Or maybe they seem better because watching movies with Jay is a ton of fun. His commentary is hilarious, and my eyes stay glued to our chat log more than the actual movie. We even break off into a tangent about food, and he tells me about all the best sandwiches in the city. Apparently, his all-time favorite is the beef shawarma from a place called Shawarma Delight near his house that he and his mother are both obsessed with. I make a note of the restaurant. I tell him about my favorite sandwich from this fancy teahouse in Alderville that makes everything from scratch.
The more time I spend with Jay, the more I think this connection we have, this easy friendship, isn’t happening randomly. And it’s notonlyso I can save him. He’s sort of saving me too. Just when I lose my closest friend, someone else comes along, and I don’t feel so alone anymore.
On Saturday, Aster and I get ready for Jack’s party in Gracie’s room. I finally agreed to let them pick out my clothes, because when I suggested I wear my red-and-green pleated skirt with my fuzzy white sweater, Gracie said there was no way anyone at the party would talk to me dressed like a Hallmark Christmas movie. Apparently, I need to look like one of the trust-fund kids. Or look like Iwantto be one of them.
