Mia looks surprised to hear all this. I am too. Mia and Lance started dating right before Halloween—a few weeks before Jay went missing. If Lance was tight with the guy who was all over the news, he would have mentioned that to Mia, wouldn’t he have?
I look at Mia. “Did you know Lance and Jay were friends?”
“Of course I knew,” Mia snaps. “Don’t mind Aleeza,” she says to the others. “Shehatesit when her friends have friends of their own. And she only wants to do things thatshe’sinto. I had to do a whole mystery YouTube because of her.” She snorts. “Obsessed with mysteries and octopuses. What a weirdo.”
I stare at Mia. This is the same person who bought me a Christopher Pike box set off eBay for my eleventh birthday. Who took the train into Toronto with me when we were sixteen so we could go to three escape rooms in one day. She was as much into mysteries as I was.
She’s always pushed me aside when she has a boyfriend, but she’s never been this cruel. I want to blame Lance and Taylor’s influence, but really the blame should be on Mia only. This is the first time I’ve walked away from her, and she’s being petty because of it. Actually, the blame should be on me for putting up with her for so long.
But I’m done. I’m done being Mia’s sidekick, punching bag, or whatever. In the two weeks that I haven’t been at her side, I feel like I am finally becoming someone. Becomingmyself.
I made friends. A cute boy flirted with me (two, if I count Jack), and I found a purpose that could actually make a difference for someone.
It’s time to cut the tether between me and Mia for good.
I glare at her. “Why are you doing this, Mia? You’re even more exhausting when we’renotfriends than when we were.”
She snarls. “What are you talking about, Aleeza? You’re the one who abandoned me, remember?”
“Yeah, because I was tired of seeing you transform into a whole new person every time a cute guy looks at you. I’d rather have my own personality than be someone’s clone, thank you very much. I’m going to find my actual,realfriends.”
At that, I walk away. I don’t look back, and I don’t say anything. No doubt they are all laughing at me. Just like they were when I was dressed as Dr. Watson at that damn Halloween party.
I can’t see Gracie and Aster, and the room is spinning a bit, so I go in search of a bathroom. I leave through the double doors, which are now wide open, and head down the long hallway toward the entryway. My head pounds, and the lights in the hallway feel like they are flashing through my veins. I feel ... wrung out. And alone. At a party with dozens of people, I feel alone.
Why did I even come here? Being around this crowd makes me feel so small. Unimportant. A country bumpkin obsessed with octopuses who has fallen for the most unavailable person possible. I deserve the ridicule.
But Jay has never once thought I was ridiculous. And he’s the reason I’m here. He’s the reason for it all. The reason I’m feeling both alone and valued for the first time. And he isn’t even real.
Only one door in the hallway is closed. When I push it open, I find a bedroom, not a bathroom. A very messy bedroom. I wonder if this is Jack’s room. It feels wrong to snoop, but I’m supposed to begathering evidence tonight. Maybe there are some clues in here that he’s the Birdwatcher? An open laptop or something logged in to the Instagram account?
But when I walk in, I see the room isn’t really that messy. Only the bed is unmade. There’s no desk, but an iPad sits on a chair. I try to turn it on, but the screen is locked. Nothing else here seems like a clue. There is an open door to a bathroom, though. I shrug, go in, and close the door behind me.
I look in the mirror, and I’m surprised at what I see looking back at me. I feel emotional, angry, and sad all at the same time. But that’s not how I look. I actually look good. My hair is behaving, my curls still defined. My eyes look bigger with the mascara Gracie put on me. And the dress ... the dress I thought made me look like a stuffed sausage is actually quite pretty on me. My lipstick isn’t even smudged. And yes, my boobs look fantastic.
Idolook like I belong here. Ilooklike I fit in, even though I don’t feel like it. Is this why Mia was so angry at me? Two weeks without her and I look like I fit into her new crowd? I shake my head, smiling. I wish Jay could see me now.
I exhale, because Jay can never see me. Everything between us is an illusion. Or maybe a delusion. Lately, I’ve stopped questioning if he’s real. Watching movies together, talking about food, and flirting makes it real enough. But ... never seeing him, and never talking to anyone about our connection, makes it seem like it’s all in my head.
The letter he left in the closet wasn’t there. He said he told his cousin about me, but that cousin won’t talk to me. I know it’s not just a fantasy, but it feels like one.
Nothing is real. Even the cute girl in the mirror isn’t real. I’m Aleeza. Not this person.
I sigh and leave the bathroom, but jump a bit when I see that there’s someone sitting on the unmade bed. It’s Jack. The door to the hallway is wide open.
“It’s you,” he says.
“Oh, sorry,” I say. “I needed a bathroom. I’ll go—”
“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry,” he says, putting his hands in front of him. “I’m not going to come on to you again. I can take a hint.” He smiles, and I can see a bit of sadness in his eyes. “You know, you’re like a water lily in the plastic swamp.”
“Plastic swamp?” I raise a brow at him. He chuckles. Jack’s face looks different now. Softened. Like he’s not holding on to that determined boredom anymore.
He gestures toward the door. “They’re the swamp.” I can still hear the party. Nat is still laughing. “Sit and talk a second?” he asks. “I’ll behave. You look sad. Did your friends do something?”
“Oh, no. I’m fine. I don’t know why I came to this party.” I bite my lip, remembering that he’s thehost. I sit on the bed next to him, several feet away.
“I don’t know why I did either. Oh wait, it’s because it’s my fucking house.”
