“She’s staying. Nat needed her.”
I can’t tell how Gracie feels about that. I want to tell Gracie that she shouldn’t let her girlfriend stay at the party, and that Jack said it’s the swamp, and eventually they’ll all get sucked in. That Aster will disappear, too, like the Mia I knew disappeared, and Jay vanished ... that Aster might not be bright enough to see inside the swamp. But I don’t say it because I am pretty sure that I’m not making sense. Also, if I talk, I’m afraid I’ll throw up.
After the car drops us off in front of East House, Gracie helps me walk up to the door and props me up against the wall.
“Shit,” she says. “I left my ID card in Aster’s purse.”
“Aleeza to the rescue,” I slur, trying to open my purse. I don’t quite manage it, but Gracie helps. Eventually, using my card, she gets us into the building. When we get up to the third floor, Gracie helps me into my room. I feel a little better—well, not really better. I’m still pretty sure I’m going to throw up, but being in the room weirdly clears my head a little bit. I’m happy to be here. I feel better in this room than anywhere else in the world.
“My key is with my pass-card,” Gracie says as I sit on my bed. “I’ll call the residence don to let me into my room.” She looks at me carefully. “Or maybe it’s a better idea to stay here with you tonight? You okay? I can sleep here.”
My eyes widen. I haven’t checked ResConnect yet, but this is Jay’s room—I can’t let someone sleep in his bed. “You sleep in my bed,” I blurt out, standing quickly. “Because ... I mean ... I just changed the sheets on my bed. I’ll take ... the other bed.” I open a drawer, straining to focus, and pull out a pair of plaid flannel pants and a T-shirt for Gracie, and my purple octopus pajamas for me.
She frowns like she’s considering whether it’s worth it to argue with a drunk girl about something that really doesn’t matter. “Okay.”
I leave her pajamas on my bed and take mine to the bathroom along with my bathroom caddy.
While I’m in there, I do throw up a little bit. And I have a big glass of water. I still feel like shit, though. After struggling out of the dress, Ifold it the best I can, put on my pajamas, and brush my teeth. When I come out, I put the folded dress on a chair.
“Thanks for letting me stay,” she says.
I nod. “I’m never drinking again.”
“You did more than drink. I’m surprised you trusted Jack enough to smoke with him.”
“He sees more than you think. He called his parties a gilded swamp.”
Gracie shrugs. “Well, the siren call of all that gold certainly pulled Aster back in.”
I frown. “Why is she staying there?”
“For Nat, of course. The two of them go back a long time. Eventually, Nat always says jump, and Aster asks how high.” She yawns. Gracie looks sad and tired. “I’m glad I’m here tonight. I don’t really want to be alone.”
I nod, sitting on Jay’s bed and hugging Tentacle Ted close. “I’m never alone in here.” I feel my eyes well with tears again, so I turn away.
Gracie takes my key and goes to the bathroom to change. I find my spare blanket and pillow, and crawl into Jay’s bed. It’s my bedsheets, and my blankets, so it’s easy not to think about who slept in this bed last. But it’s also hardnotto think about it. The bed’s warm, with a faint scent that’s not mine. A familiar scent.
I had way, way too much to drink tonight.
Is it true what Jack said? That Jay should have been the best of them? And who wasthem, anyway? The rich kids? I learned so many things at that party, but the whole picture is still out of focus.
Gracie comes back into the room and gets into my bed. “Good night, Aleeza.”
“Good night.” I flick off the lamp.
I lie on my back for a while, trying to stop the room from spinning. My eyes are still watering, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why the night made me feel like both a complete outsider and a brand-new person.
Iama new person. I’m not the same Aleeza I was when I left West Hall. Being alone, breaking free from Mia’s influence, changed me. And also, Jay changed me. But I still don’t know where he is. What happened to him. I don’t know if he left on his own, or if someone hurt him. Or if he’s still hurting somewhere. There’s a lot more to this than I ever imagined. I hug Ted. “Tell me he’s safe,” I whisper into my stuffed animal.
My phone, which I left on the bedside table, buzzes. I grab it before it wakes Gracie. It’s Jay, of course. I notice the time. It’s past 2:00 a.m.
Jay:You didn’t let me know you were home safe.
Aleeza:Sorry. My brain’s not working right. I figured you were sleeping. Or out.
Jay:I was out. But I’m home now.
Aleeza:Where did you go?
