Maybe Aleeza Kassam isn’t the person I think she is.
But beyond how strange everything feels lately, I can’t ignore that the only time I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be, orwhoI’m supposed to be, is when I’m here in this room with Jay. Chatting with him. Watching movies with him. Or sleeping in his bed with the echo of his arms around me.
But since Jay isn’t real, then the feelings aren’t real either. There’s no point in dwelling, or pining, or even thinking about it. Jay is gone. In this timeline, the person I have a crush on doesn’t exist.
Aleeza:Jay, a question for you. Do you know why your mother or your family hasn’t spoken to the media much after your disappearance?
Jay:How would I know that? I haven’t even disappeared yet.
Aleeza:Well, you do know your family. Even your cousin ignored my DMs and blocked me on Instagram.
Jay:Iassume they’re upset? Did they ever talk to the media?
Aleeza:Your mother and uncle spoke at a press conference urging for any information from the public a few days after your disappearance. But nothing since then. Even Kegan from the housing office said your mother isn’t returning calls.
Jay:I don’t know what to tell you. I mentioned you to both my cousin and my mother, so they’ve heard of you. Maybe.
Yeah, maybe. Everything was a maybe. Our universes might not be the same.
Aleeza:Are you still saving all the screenshots of our conversations on your phone?
Jay:Yes. Shit. If my phone washed up on a beach then the police have my phone now. They could be reading this conversation right now.
Aleeza:I assume it’s been underwater a long time. The data probably isn’t recoverable. If it is, then I’m sure the police will knock on my door. I’m the only Aleeza at TCU.
My phone buzzes. It’s not a ResConnect message, though, but an Instagram DM.
Jack:This is Jack Gormley. I asked around, and Mia said the octopus sweatshirt someone left at my house is probably yours.
Aleeza:Oh yes. Thanks.
Jack:I’m going to be on campus later this evening. I can bring it.
Well, that’s fortuitous. I want to talk to Jack, and an opportunity to do that drops into my lap. I agree and arrange to meet him in front of the library at seven. I tell Jay that I’m meeting Jack.
Jay:Let me know what happens. And be careful.
Aleeza:I’m always careful. And I’m not going to give up on you, Jay. I’ll never let you go, okay?
Jay:Okay. Thank you. You’re all I’ve got.
FIFTEEN
Ifind Jack on the library steps at seven, sitting alone with his head in his hands. He’s wearing the same suit he had on at his party, and my balled-up sweatshirt is next to him. I approach him slowly, not sure if he’s asleep.
“Hi, Jack,” I say.
His head shoots up. He blinks a few times, like he’s not sure who I am. Which, fair. I’m back in my own clothes: jeans and my father’s old sweater. My parka’s on, but it’s unzipped because it’s finally warming up. Also, no more girdle.
“I’m Aleeza?” I say. “You have my sweatshirt?”
He shakes his head. “Of course. Octopuses can change their colors. Never the same look twice.” He hands me the sweatshirt, then starts to get up. His eyes are bloodshot with dark circles under them.
“Do you have a minute?” I ask. “I was wondering—”
He shakes his head, then runs his hand over his hair. “The party is over. There’s a shower with my name on it.”
I raise a brow. “Have you slept at all since your party?”
