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I wanted her all the time.
This wasn’t a passing diversion — a hot piece of ass to whet my appetite until the next course — this was consuming.
And that scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
What the hell did I hope would happen between us?
Marriage? Kids? The house in the ‘burbs?
Fuck that.
Fuck that sidewise with a rusty blade.
Ivy whimpered in her sleep and I immediately drew her into my arms. She settled instantly with a soft sigh.
What are you doing to me, baby girl?
Ruining me, that’s what.
I couldn’t think straight anymore.
Even though I wanted nothing more than to hold her, I forced myself to release her and climb silently from the bed.
I dressed quickly and left without looking back.
I wasn’t about to play house.
Ivy was a pit-stop, not a destination.
It wasn’t my fault that her brother had put her in harm’s way.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
I scowled at the voice in my head, mocking me.
Shut the fuck up.
There’s work to be done.
Ivy
He was gone when I woke.
I should’ve been relieved.
But I was disappointed.
My inner thighs ached, reminding me of how thoroughly Jameson had taken me. I smiled, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
I shouldn’t enjoy what he did to me.
I shouldn’t crave more.
What was wrong with me that I felt giddy whenever I thought of that intense look on Jameson’s face when he saw me?
In that one look I saw desire, hunger, need, yearning, want, ferocity, possession — and it was all directed toward me.
When he looked at me…I know he saw only me.
I’d known it from the first moment we met.
Our eyes had locked and something had seared into both of us, determining our fate before we even realized it.
I was tied to him and he to me.
Whether we liked it or not.
And it was frightening.
I’d protected my virginity for so long, pushed away men who’d gotten too close out of fear that I might succumb, but with Jameson…there’d been no choices.
It was as if I’d been protecting my virginity for him all this time.
I didn’t like that way of thinking.
But I couldn’t deny that being filled by Jameson was the most intoxicating feeling in the world.
He was rough, hard, possessive…and yet…I sensed a softness in him for me that was confounding and made no sense.
The way he caressed my cheek.
The way his gaze narrowed with rage when he saw the marks on my face.
The way, even when he was pounding into me, he was careful to avoid aggravating the bruised areas on my body.
I was so confused.
I climbed from my bed, wincing as fresh aches and pains bloomed in my body and went to start the shower but then thought better of it and instead, ran a bath.
Usually, I didn’t care for baths but I needed to soak my bones and stop my brain from overthinking what was happening.
Jameson needed me for this case. Once the case was over, Jameson would disappear from my life.
A sharp pang pierced my chest at the thought, irritating me.
That’s what I wanted, right? For Jameson to get the hell out of my life.
Yes.
Life was simpler before Jameson crashed into my sphere.
But it’d also been pretty dull.
Jameson added the spice.
I slipped into the water, sighing as the hot water sluiced over my body.
The bruises on my face were turning purple and yellow but at least the swelling had gone down.
The horror of nearly being raped returned and I shuddered as I wiped away tears. Jameson had saved me yet he was ruining me, too.
I shouldn’t be surprised that I was strongly attracted to the wrong type of guy.
My childhood was a textbook for abandonment issues.
Of course, I would be attracted to a guy who was, ultimately, destined to abandon me as everyone but Frankie had in my life.
I didn’t like to think that was a statistic but it was hard to deny facts when they were staring at you in the face.
Jameson was the worst kind of man for me.
And yet…here I was…replaying the memory of last night with a dreamy sigh.
Pathetic.
This whole time I’d thought I was smarter than that.
Turns out…I wasn’t.
Maybe Jameson was right in one regard — Frankie had been dragging me into situations for far too long and it needed to stop.
Where did it end?
Frankie had been serious about wanting me to sell my car for him.
He knew I needed my car to get to work.
But sometimes Frankie was incredibly selfish.
And I’d always made excuses for him because he was my big brother and he’d always protected me when I was a kid.
How long was I supposed to forgive his stupid mistakes?
We weren’t kids anymore.
Frankie needed to get his shit together or else…I couldn’t help him out anymore.
Just thinking that made me want to cry.
Frankie was my only family.
He was a good man — but he had fucked up priorities.
What about Jameson?
Was he a good man, deep down?
Like, way deep down.
Was I trying to push a square peg into a round hole by searching for qualities that weren’t there?
Maybe.
I didn’t know what I was doing. Jameson had turned my world upside dow
n and I didn’t know which end was up anymore.
I closed my eyes and let the water close over me. I just wanted someone to tell me what to do because I sure as hell didn’t know what the right direction was anymore.
Jameson
I walked into the precinct and went to my desk where Hank was just finishing up a phone call.
He grinned when he saw me. “Good timing. That was the phone call we’ve been needing.”
“Yeah?” I was instantly interested. “What call?”
“I’ve just found a way to get our girl into Rodrigo’s universe without arousing suspicion.”
I didn’t like Hank calling Ivy ‘our girl’ but I let it slide. “How?”
“Rodrigo frequents this club downtown, real seedy place, called Chester’s. And Chester’s needs a new waitress. Guess who’s qualified to fill that position?”
I knew of the joint. Chester’s was disgusting. The floors were always sticky — and not just from spilled drinks.
“She’s not going there,” I said, causing Hank to scowl. “We’ll find another way.”
“Fuck that. This is an easy way in. Ivy Callen is hot. Chester’s uniform is nothing short of a few sequins covering the tits and ass and Rodrigo is bound to notice her.”
Yeah, I knew that. But I didn’t want fucking Rodrigo thinking he could put his hands on Ivy.
“I said no.”
“Why not?”
I didn’t want to explain myself but if I didn’t find a reason, Hank would make assumptions that I didn’t want to explain either.
“Captain isn’t going to approve of us putting a civilian into harm’s way.”
“Who said anything about telling Cap about the details,” Hank returned with a puzzled look. “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. And since when do you care about using a civilian?”
Shit, I was sinking fast. “I don’t like the paperwork when things go wrong,” I said, which wasn’t a lie.
That Hank could understand and nodded. “I get you. But nothing’s going to go wrong. Frankie will be there to protect his sister and we’ll be around the corner in a surveillance van in case anything goes sidewise. Trust me, she’ll be as protected as a kitten in a box.”
It wasn’t good enough but I knew I couldn’t keep throwing up road blocks. Hank was right, it was a perfect opportunity to embed a CI into the scene without red-flagging Rodrigo.
