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“It’s like a scene from a movie,” Delainey exclaimed, chattering like a magpie while Zoe stared out the window, still moving slowly and a bit doped up on pain meds. “I mean, I know it must’ve been sooooo terrifying and OHMYGOD, you could’ve DIED! But think of the story you have to tell! The scariest thing that’s ever happened to me is
when I accidently forgot where I parked the car and it was near dark at the mall. I could’ve been raped but I wasn’t, of course — thank goodness — but for a full minute, my heart was racing. You were kidnapped at gun point by a thug and then pushed by that same thug off a catwalk. You should write novels or something because you’ve lived such an amazing experience.”
“One death-dying plunge from a catwalk does not a novelist make,” Zoe
answered dryly but there was something to what Delainey had inadvertently triggered. Write a novel. Why not? After all this time she’d been looking for something deeper, for her work to have more meaning but she’d never considered the possibility of going inward for her own inspiration. When she’d been in junior high, she’d dreamed of writing novels but her parents had encouraged her to find a “sensible” career. When she’d selected journalism, her father had at least acknowledged that it was a real job and not
just mental doodles and somehow she’d forgotten about her true dream of creating something from nothing. She looked to Delainey. “Do you think I could write a book?”
“Oh yes,” Delainey answered with a fervent nod, ever the supportive cheerleader. “I love your style of writing. I’d read anything you wrote.”
Zoe smiled, loving her friend. “But would anyone else?”
“You know, I thought the same thing when I started my graphic design business. I didn’t have the confidence to believe that my stuff was worth paying for but I took a chance and went for it and then my clients reassured me with their hard-earned cash that my stuff was good enough. I’ve struggled, yes, but I’ve found that my graphic design keeps my bank account happy while my other art keeps my soul happy. What are you doing for your soul, Zoe?”
“Wow, that was deep,” Zoe said with an unsure laugh. “Nothing?”
“Exactly! That’s what I’m talking about. You just had a near-death experience. You need to grab onto this second chance with both hands and don’t let go.”
Zoe nodded. Delainey was right. She couldn’t squander this second chance. A sudden warmth filled her chest and she smiled bigger with more surety. “I’m going to write a novel. Holy cow. A novel. I’m gonna do it. Oh crap,” she looked to Delainey with happy tears. “Now I’m scared to death! How will I eat? How will I pay my bills?”
“You’ll figure it out. In the meantime, ramen noodles and peanut butter will keep you alive,” Delainey provided with a giggle. “Trust me.”
Zoe nodded, so thankful for her best friend in the whole world. What would she do without her? Hopefully, she’d never have to find out.
The rest of the drive was fairly sedate as Zoe remained locked in her thoughts and Delainey, sensing her fatigue, was content to play music until they arrived at her apartment. Delainey got out to help Zoe up the stairs and Jax and Hunter peeled away from the building shadows like two angel-demons coming to whisk her to heaven or drag her to hell — it was anyone’s guess — and Delainey was clearly intimidated but fascinated as well. Oh good Lord, this girl was going to be trouble around the bad boys. Had she been any different? My, things had changed in such a short amount of time. Zoe felt leagues away from the silly girl she’d been.
“We’ll take it from here,” Jax said solicitously to Delainey, shocking Zoe as he hoisted her into his arms. Zoe could almost hear Delainey’s envious sigh.
“Are you sure?” Delainey asked tremulously. “Zo? You good?”
“I’m fine, thank you, Dee,” Zoe said to reassure her best friend but she wasn’t entirely pleased with either Hunter nor Jax at the moment and she planned to tell them exactly how she felt right before she kicked them out of her life just as unceremoniously as they’d dumped her off at the hospital to recover alone. “I’ll call you later,” she promised Delainey before they disappeared into her apartment. The moment the door closed, she glowered at Jax. “You can put me down now.”
Jax gently placed her on the sofa and stood beside Hunter, both looking adorably uncertain and yet gruffly concerned for her wellbeing. Well, a little too late for that now, buster(s). “How are you?” Jax ventured, his gaze straying to her various lacerations and bruises, wincing when he saw the really bad one on her calf where the fractured wood had speared her leg.
“You don’t get to ask me that question,” she stated flatly. “The timing for that particular question was two weeks ago.”
“We had things to take care of,” Jax started but she didn’t want to hear it and waved away his attempt.
“Don’t bother. I don’t care what you have to say.”
Jax’s mouth clamped shut and he immediately looked to Hunter for reinforcements. “Look, we thought the best thing would be to keep away so you could rest and heal without all the drama going on around you.”
“That might be easier to swallow if you’d even tried to call,” she pointed out bluntly. “It doesn’t matter what excuse you manufacture because I don’t care any more. Being dropped on your face and nearly dying brings certain things into perspective. I don’t need to chase after guys who care so little for me. I mean, yeah, in the beginning I was all amazed that two guys like you would even look twice at someone like me but now…I realize if someone doesn’t like my curves, that’s their problem, not mine. I’m tired of chasing after things that don’t serve me. And right now…you don’t serve me at all. Got it? Now, please, get out of my apartment.”
“Zoe, it’s not like that,” Hunter began in earnest. “We wanted to come by. First, we couldn’t because we weren’t family and we didn’t want anyone asking questions that none of us knew how to answer. So we had a friend of ours, a nurse, check in on you daily and let us know what was going on with you. We knew at all times how you were doing.”
Zoe tried not be affected by Hunter’s admission but she’d had no idea they were watching covertly, secretly caring about her welfare. It softened the blow of abandonment, a little, she supposed. But at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. Not really. “I appreciate that you actually do care. But what are we hoping to achieve here? It can’t be endless sex all the time. At some point, real life intrudes, you know? I want things that I doubt fit in your ‘want’ column and after going through what I did…I realize, I won’t settle for anything less than I deserve.”
“We would never ask you to settle nor would we allow you to settle, ever,” Jax said in a cool, even tone that sent shivers down her back. “You deserve the very best, Zoe.”
There was such sincerity, such raw honesty that Zoe couldn’t help but want to forgive them anything, to promise them anything but she had to stay strong, not only for herself but for them as well. “I want kids. Not today, but someday,” she said. “And kids need stability. I may not have had the most glamorous life but I had a good childhood. I want that, too. I don’t want to live in fear that someone is going to come along and kidnap my kids and drop them from a catwalk because they’re pissed off or getting even with their father. You know?”
Jax and Hunter both nodded but she could tell they weren’t going to walk away, not yet.
“I want the picket fence and the barbecues. And frankly, I’ll never have that with either of you.”
“We have something…you can’t deny it,” Hunter stated and he was right, she couldn’t deny it. “You changed us, Zoe, just as we changed you. If you want backyard barbecues and a white fences…you can have it. We’ll give it to you.”
“But that’s just it…I shouldn’t ask you to keep changing who you are just to fit my dreams. It’s not fair to you and I l-love you, too much to ask,” she sa
id, her voice breaking. Oh damn, she told herself not to cry but the tears were coming anyway. She wiped at her eyes. “See? Now I’m crying and it’s all your fault. Can’t you see that we’re never going to work in the real world?”
“Fuck the real world, Zoe,” Jax shot back, shocking her. He came to her side, gripping her hand gently. “Fuck all the haters. We’ll make our own rules. All that matters is you, me and Hunter. Say it and it’ll be true.”
Her throat clogged. “It’s not that simple.”
“It is if you make it that way,” Jax said. “I need you, baby. I’ve never needed a woman like I need you. You remind me of times I never realized I could have. I used to make fun of that shit — neighbors, barbecues, family times — but only because I’d never been able to have it. With you…I want it all.”
Was it possible? Zoe wavered, desperately wanting to sink into that declaration and wrap herself tightly with it but she knew wanting something and living it were two different things. Suddenly, Hunter, sensing her weakness, joined Jax at her feet. Two of the biggest, baddest men were kneeling at her feet as if she were a goddess and they were merely her servants. It was a heady feeling, to be honest. Too many questions, too many possibilities. Her head swam while her heart wailed. She wanted them. She wanted them like a fat kid wanted cake but was it feasible? What would people say when they found out they were all together? She chewed her bottom lip. “I don’t know,” she whispered, more to the questions in her head than to the men at waiting for her. “I just don’t know. I need time to think.”
Both Jax and Hunter wore their disappointment but they handled her request with grace. Jax pressed a tender kiss on her cheek while Hunter boldly went for her mouth. Their touch ignited a firestorm of banked need inside her and it took every ounce of strength in her weakened body not to pull them to her.
“This isn’t over,” Hunter promised. “We never give up on what we want. Ever.”
