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‘Adele wants to discuss things with me tonight.’
‘Things? Like what?’
‘Family stuff.’
That was putting her in her place. Seemed she wasn’t getting as close to him as she’d hoped. He was gazing round the area, smiling in a way she wasn’t familiar with, almost as though he was at home. Guess he was. He knew these streets like the back of his hand, having spent most of his early childhood here before his family moved to Geneva.
That was what she wanted, only in London. With Raphael. Was she expecting too much? Draining her coffee, she stood up. ‘I’m going to the market. I’m going to get some pastries and cheeses. Coming?’
‘Yes.’ He looked baffled. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’
She didn’t have an answer. ‘Tell me what I can get for your mother for tonight’s dinner.’ Adele wasn’t the only one coming. All the Dubois family would be there.
‘Maman will have everything sorted, believe me.’
‘Then I’ll buy flowers,’ she said as they entered the Halles d’Avignon and breathed in spices and coffee and freshly baked bread.
‘Leave those until we’ve finished wandering around or they’ll be bruised from bumping into people by the time we’re done in here.’ There was a deep happiness in Raphael’s voice that had been missing for a long time.
Isabella felt her heart drop. Not even their hot nights had brought that on so strongly. He really belonged here, and now he was starting to look around and see what he’d been missing out on all because he’d been so stubborn.
The buzz around the family dinner table later that night only increased Isabella’s unease. Despite the reason for Raphael coming home everyone was laughing and talking non-stop and Rafe was right in the thick of it.
‘Izzy, have some more beef. I know it’s your favourite.’ He didn’t wait for her reply, just spooned more of the delicious stew onto her plate.
‘Give her a break,’ Adele laughed. ‘You’ll be frightening her away if you keep doing that.’
She wasn’t staying long anyway. Swallowing hard, Isabella smiled and tried to relax. It wasn’t easy when Raphael was enjoying himself so much. Of course she was happy for him, but with each passing hour she had to wonder if he’d ever get around to going back to London. He would. He had a job that he relished there, a home and a cat. But he belonged here too.
* * *
Raphael wound his arms around Izzy and cuddled her against his naked length as they lay in bed in his old bedroom from when he was a teen and where he stayed whenever in Avignon. It had been a bit awkward last night when they headed to bed. Maman had prepared another room for Izzy. He hadn’t wanted that. He needed her with him at the moment. Selfish, maybe, but she’d come to support him, and he was grateful.
The sun was up, and he was ready to get out. ‘Want to walk into the city and have breakfast by the bridge?’
She tossed the sheet aside and sat up, letting his arms slip away. ‘Let’s go.’
‘Mind if we visit Grand’mère on the way?’
‘Of course not. She’s why we’re here.’
Something wasn’t right with Isabella, hadn’t been since they arrived in Avignon on Sunday night. ‘Talk to me.’
She sank her naked derriere onto the side of the bed and faced him. There was a sadness in her eyes he didn’t like. ‘Your family ties were strong, and couldn’t be more different to mine. You are so lucky.’
Rafe nodded. ‘I’m starting to think that.’ Then he looked closer and felt like he’d been punched in the gut. ‘You can be a part of it too, Izzy. They adore you.’ Everyone had jostled for her attention last night at dinner. They’d never been like that with Cassie.
‘I was made to feel special,’ she admitted, still looking directly at him.
‘Then what’s the problem?’
‘I don’t know where we’re going with our relationship.’ She seemed to let go of some knot inside her as those words slid out of her mouth. ‘Do you?’
Crunch time. He sat up fast. This wasn’t how he wanted to tell her, nor where. But maybe he should just get it out of the way. Reaching for the water bottle by the bed, he tried to drink down some fluid and moisten his suddenly dry mouth, but his throat wasn’t playing the game. His gut was churning. His head was banging. His heart had a whole new rhythm going on.
Izzy was watching him closely, concern filling her eyes. ‘Rafe? You’re frightening me.’ Then she leapt up, strode across to stare out the window. ‘Talk to me.’
If there was anyone he’d tell it would be Isabella. He had to tell her. She knew so much about him, what was one more thing? Except this was huge. But if he wanted to banish that despair in her face he had no choice. Because he just couldn’t put his story away and pretend nothing was wrong. For one, Izzy already knew there was something wrong, and for two, he had to be honest more than anything. Tell Izzy. Don’t tell Izzy.
‘I am a father.’
Her fingers tightened around her elbows as she turned to stare at him through wide-open eyes, but still she said nothing.
Am a father? Was a father? What was the protocol? Who cared? It was about his feelings. No one else’s. ‘Joshua. He died of SIDS at eight days old.’
Then she moved, came and sat beside him, reaching for his shaking hands. ‘Oh, Rafe.’ His name dragged across her shaky bottom lip. ‘Raphael, I am so sorry.’
Don’t show me pity. I’ll fall apart.
And it would take for ever to get the pieces back together again. ‘Cassie didn’t tell me she was pregnant when she left me and returned to Los Angeles.’
‘You didn’t know?’ Horror filled Izzy’s face.
‘No. All I knew was she went back for auditions in the movie industry. She was going to become the next big name in movies. Oh, and I was a stubborn bore who wouldn’t move to Paris so she could have fun in the greatest city in the world.’ Not that she’d ever shown any acting aptitude when he’d known her, except to pull off huge lies. And being pregnant hadn’t helped her chances of getting her first break, something she’d told him was his fault.
‘I didn’t find out until two years later. We hadn’t communicated since she left France so I went over to see her, wanting to find closure. I couldn’t wrap it up.’
‘And you got the opposite,’ Izzy whispered.
‘I never met my son. Didn’t know he existed until it was too late. Never held him, kissed him, hugged him. He didn’t know I existed.’ Raphael stared down at the floor. Hot tears slid down his face, dripped off his chin onto his chest. He did nothing about them. ‘How could she do that to me?’
Warm arms wound around his back, tugged him close to Isabella’s soft body. Her hands rubbed slow circles on his skin, her mouth brushed feather-light kisses on his neck.
‘Did she hate me that much?’
‘Cassie was always very selfish.’
‘True. But she went beyond the realm of selfish into something so deep and hideous I can’t believe it.’
Izzy tipped her head back to lock her troubled gaze with his. ‘Have you talked to your family about it?’
‘You’re the only person I’ve told. I have been arguing with myself for days now over whether to say anything or to carry on as though it hadn’t happened. But you deserve better than that.’
‘Thank you.’ With her thumb she wiped his damp cheeks. ‘Is this why you’ve stayed away from your family?’
He nodded abruptly. ‘They already disliked Cassie, they’d hate her if they knew this. And I’d always feel their wrath. It’s not something they’d let go in a hurry, if at all. Also...’ He breathed deep. ‘I feel bad for the things she used to say about them to their faces. I made a monumental error when I fell in love with her, and I don’t like seeing that in their faces every time I’m with them.’
‘I think you’re overreacting. Your family loves you, and that’s what matters. I doubt they judge you for making a mistake. Who doesn’t at some time of their life? More often than once.’
‘Hell, Izzy, you’re amazing. I’ve been dreading telling you and here you are being sensible about it all.’ He really did love her, and now he’d cleared the way to follow through with that. But not now. She might think he was using her sympathy.
