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Michael nodded at her. ‘You and me. Let’s go see what we’ve got.’ So he hadn’t been listening to handover either. Hopefully that wasn’t an ongoing problem from yesterday and the patient he’d lost.
‘Sure.’
They got a hit and run patient. Broken legs, fractured ribs, and a smashed spleen, which kept them busy for a long time, only to be followed by a stroke victim arriving towards the end of his golden hour. The man survived but was a long way from walking and talking as he used to. As an orderly wheeled him away Kelli stretched up onto her toes and rubbed the small of her back. Exhaustion oozed out of every pore. A big weekend, no sleep last night and being constantly on guard around Mac had taken its toll. And there were more than five hours to go.
Looking around, she spied Mac busy in resus one with a patient whose heart had stopped, and must be where the emergency buzzer had come from. ‘I’m going for my break,’ she told Michael and Stephanie. Without Mac, and any discussion about telling her family what they’d done.
Sinking onto a hard chair in the cafeteria, Kelli stared into the depths of murky coffee and fiddled with the dried arrangement that was supposed to be a sandwich. No appetite for anything—she couldn’t even find the energy to lift either hand to her mouth for liquid or food. The room was rolling around her, as if she were sitting in the centre of a merry-go-round watching the horses rising and falling on their poles. Her eyelids were heavier than pot lids and eventually she gave up fighting to keep them open. Her chin tapped her sternum, and still those blasted horses kept bobbing up and down.
* * *
Mac strode into the cafeteria, scanning the mostly empty tables until his gaze alighted on the object of his search. No wonder Kelli hadn’t returned from her break. She was sound asleep.
After ordering a long black and a cappuccino from the annoyingly perky girl behind the counter, he crossed and sat opposite Kelli. In sleep she looked vulnerable. And beautiful, but then she looked that all the time. Back to the vulnerable. There were definitely some issues from her past that had kept her hands up in the off-limits zone—until last weekend.
But then he’d appreciated that, wanting nothing more involved than a fling with her, and he hadn’t even realised that until he’d spent three days—and two incredible nights—with her.
Or had the slippery slide into getting close to Kelli begun in Sydney? Yes, buster, it probably had.
Whichever, letting go was proving impossible. So he had to find out what those issues were. The bullies? The guy she’d been engaged to before had done a number on her. Had someone else been as cruel? There weren’t any problems regarding her family. They all got on brilliantly.
But by knowing what could hurt her he could shore up his resolve to walk away while he still could. Cruel to be kind. His guilt at not coping when he lost someone was stronger now that Kelli had become special. Special? Come on. Admit that this stabbing in his chest had nothing to do with special and all to do with... With... He could not say the word. There was a roadblock in the way. A roadblock in the form of heartache and lost love and feeling more secure when he only had himself to look out for.
Their coffees were on the way. Mac put a finger to his lips as the girl got closer and smiled his thanks as she placed the mugs ever so carefully on the table.
Kelli hadn’t moved once since he’d joined her, and the aroma of fresh coffee didn’t awaken her. A thick strand of that glorious hair had fallen across her face and he ached to lift it away, but daredn’t. If she awoke while he was doing that she’d have fifty fits and go ballistic.
Which was what he should do. Return to the department and pretend he hadn’t been here. But Kelli would look for an explanation for the coffee and the girl behind the counter would be happy to oblige for sure. Anyway Kelli had to return to work soon or the others would start asking where she was. He could cover for her. Why wouldn’t he? If he cared about her why not do something so small but hopefully kind?
Mac stood up too quickly, causing the chair to scrape on the floor.
Kelli moved. Her eyes blinked before her chin sagged back on her chest.
He’d got away with it. Leaving the chair where it was, he turned away.
‘Mac?’ When his name was sleep-filled on Kelli’s tongue it sounded warm and tender and loving.
He had to look over his shoulder. Had to. His heart did loop the loop at the sight of Kelli leaning back, still blinking away the sleep and staring at him as though she wasn’t sure where she was. He told her, ‘There’s a cappuccino. Get it into you before coming back.’
Her gaze dropped to the table, returned to him. ‘You not drinking your coffee now that I’m awake?’
Not so asleep any more. Acerbic and annoyed instead. ‘I wasn’t running away.’ Those lush lips didn’t lift anywhere near a glimmer of a smile. ‘I just didn’t want to wake you.’
‘Then have your coffee.’ When he didn’t move she snapped, ‘Get over yourself, Mac. We can be civil enough to share our break.’
‘You’re right.’ Reaching for the chair, he spun it around to straddle the seat. Like a wall between them. There was no getting any of this right. ‘You didn’t sleep much last night with Tamara phoning and everything?’
‘No.’ Kelli tested the heat of her coffee with a slow sip, sending his gut into turmoil. When she replaced the mug on the table there was a smudge of frothy milk on her upper lip. He even began to lift his hand to wipe it away, froze. Not wise. Worse, Kelli’s tongue lapped her mouth, removing the froth.
Mac’s mouth dried. That tongue had done wondrous things on his skin. South of his belt there was a load of tightening going on. ‘I’ll see you back in the department.’ Whether she could understand him when his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth was anyone’s guess, but he was out of there before he did something they’d both regret. Like rekindle everything that had been between them all weekend, the heat and need that had driven them into that super-king-sized bed again and again.
Silence followed him out of the cafeteria, but cobalt eyes were drilling holes between his shoulder blades. Not a good look for getting through the rest of the shift. And this was only Tuesday. Three more nights before he got a break and could tuck his heart out of sight, away from danger. Though there’d be no hiding out in Wellington for the weekend with his mother and her cronies. She’d cancelled, having booked to go to Melbourne shopping with a friend instead.
Too late on the danger factor. What he was supposed to be doing now was raising barriers to save himself any further anguish, to keep Kelli safe.
Because after the coming weekend there’d be another five shifts to get through, again and again and again. Might have to ask Conor to look out for a job for him in Sydney.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THE WEEK WAS HIDEOUS. Every day Mac struggled with going into work, so he’d gone earlier than normal, hiding away in his office doing paperwork until handover. But once shift started there was no avoiding Kelli and that continuous snub she’d managed to hold onto since Monday night.
He’d hurt her. No getting away from that. He was hurting too. Denying his love for her was a fail. It didn’t go away, instead held his heart in a vice, shaking his carefully put-together world like that seven-point-eight earthquake last year in Kaikoura. The damage felt as monumental. Hopefully the repair work wouldn’t be as long as some of the roads and railway lines were going to take down south.
He wouldn’t survive like this.
I want you, Kelli. In my home, my bed, my life. Everywhere I breathe.
Now it was Friday night. No more mucking around. He had to talk to Kelli, lay his heart on the line and hope like stink she didn’t jump all over it.
Over the week Mac had picked up the phone twice to call Billy and ask how he’d allowed himself to be happy again and both times he’d put it away. The guy was on his honeym
oon and didn’t need some nutter asking difficult questions. He had to work this out for himself or the happiness would be shallow.
But it was the moving-forward bit he was stuck on.
‘Goodnight, everyone. Have a great weekend.’ Kelli waved a hand over her shoulder as she headed for the stairway leading to the basement, not a glance in his direction.
Right. ‘See you all on Monday.’ He headed the same way.
She didn’t look back when she pushed her way through the heavy doors, just charged down the stairs as if she was late for something.
Mac raced down behind her. ‘Hey, Kelli, you heading home or to the gym?’
Kelli kept moving.
‘Kelli, wait.’ Please. Okay, ‘Please?’
Her pace slowed but she didn’t stop.
As Mac caught up he forced himself not to let those sad eyes put him off his stride. ‘Going to the gym?’
‘No. Home to a mug of soup and some tea.’
‘A woman could get an ulcer on that diet.’ Mac put a hand out to stop her mad dash and looked directly into those beautiful eyes. ‘Want to hit the All-Nighter for bacon and eggs? Or lash out and try something different?’
‘No, thanks.’ She pushed past his hand.
He was right beside her, his steps matching hers. The only thing they had in sync at the moment. ‘Any chance of a rethink on that?’
She snapped, ‘What’s the point, Mac? It’s over, whatever it was going on between us. You put your hand up for the weekend, and today is Friday, tomorrow heralds a new weekend, one that doesn’t involve us doing things together. You’re free to do whatever you like as long as it doesn’t involve me.’ Ouch. Go for the throat, why didn’t she? Then, ‘What happened to going to Wellington for your mother’s birthday?’
They’d reached the landing between floor one and the basement. She carried on down. He followed. ‘My mother’s flown to Aussie with a friend. But before you even think it, that is not why I asked you to join me for a meal. I want to talk with you.’
‘I can’t imagine there’s anything I want to hear.’ She glared at him. ‘That’s still a no from me.’
‘Have you told your family yet?’
