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Kerry pushed out of her chair. Tom thought she looked exhausted. It must be draining, holding down a demanding job and raising two three-year-olds. He had an idea.
‘Why don’t you and Craig book a weekend somewhere warm and romantic, and I’ll look after the twins?’ That was something he could easily do, and he’d enjoy spending time with his goddaughters. They were the closest he had to family. A lump closed his throat. Family. He shivered. The room had gone cold.
‘We might take you up on that.’
‘I mean it.’ Tom reached for his heavy ski jacket. ‘Think I’ll go outside for a walk.’
‘You’re going to wear a track around the hospital soon. I’ve seen you out there a lot this week.’
‘Just like to get some fresh air.’
‘Yeah, right.’ Kerry got in the last word.
The air had icicles in it. Tom shivered, shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, his mind already turning to Fiona. As if he’d ever actually stopped thinking about her. Ever since that moment in the hot pools that afternoon he’d forgotten his determination to stay professional. When she’d leaned her body against his he’d gone hard in an instant. He’d seen the desire in her eyes, known that familiar sultry look meant she was hot for him. And he’d wanted her. Not just to make love to, but to hold and to cherish, for ever and a day.
‘Hey, Doc, mind if I join you?’ Jacob Clark appeared out of the gloom. ‘I came out for a break from Sophie and all the medical stuff. Believe it or not, I hate being in hospitals. Never liked them.’
‘A lot of people feel like that.’ Usually because of something unpleasant they or a loved one had experienced in the past. Tom wondered what had happened to Jacob, but didn’t ask.
They walked along the meandering paths, talking about the latest rugby match, then about trout fishing.
‘There’s plenty of trout in the rivers around here,’ Tom told the other man. ‘You should give it a go while you’re here, if you’re keen.’
‘Another time, maybe. This week’s all about getting Sophie sorted.’
‘I think she’ll be very pleased with the results of her surgery once the swelling goes down.’
‘It’s all the other changes that I can’t quite grasp. Don’t get me wrong—I’m thrilled. It’s just that I hadn’t ever expected to see her laughing and talking non-stop again. Sophie’s suddenly like she used to be.’ There was wonder in Jacob’s voice.
‘She’s happy.’ Tom knew exactly who to thank for it. Fiona.
‘Yes, that’s it. It can’t just be because she’s had her operation, because at the moment her face is so swollen and bruised she looks worse than when she arrived. I’d have thought she’d be hiding under her pillows.’
There was a softening in Tom’s muscles. ‘Fiona happened, that’s what. She won’t let Sophie wallow in self-pity. Did you know that today she had Sophie entertaining two of the younger patients? Apparently that worked so well more little ones wanted Sophie to read to them.’
‘My girl’s confidence has been growing steadily since we came here. It’s as though Fiona looks at the whole picture, not just the medical problem.’
Tom agreed. ‘We need more people like her around here.’
He needed her around here. Never mind the hospital and the patients. He needed her.
Because he loved her! Had never stopped loving her.
Living without her had been hell. The innumerable nights he’d lain awake, willing her to come back. It had taken years to come to terms with his empty life, and immersing himself in hard work had been the only way to cope.
Jacob spoke through the darkening gloom. ‘I’d better go back inside. I promised I’d have dinner with Sophie. Thanks for listening to me, Tom.’
Tom turned for another circuit of the grounds, all the while thinking about how well he and Fiona worked together. Within the hospital community they had the same ethos. Each of them held the same need to care for those less fortunate, to provide the best medical care within their capabilities.
His toes stung when he kicked at the ice packed against the path. But it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. Tipping his head back, he stared up at the black sky, begging the ache to stop, the torment of emotions to evaporate. He didn’t do letting go of his emotions. That had been his strength—keeping everything close.
It hadn’t worked with Fiona, though.
Dropping his head forward, he stumbled to a bench under an oak tree and sat, leaning with his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. He ignored the cold wetness of the seat. What was a damp backside to a broken heart?
He watched the pictures flitting across his mind: scenes of their marriage; the good ones, the bad ones, even the ugly pieces. He felt the laughter and excitement, the anger and pain. All the integral parts of a relationship.
Finally his chattering teeth and the soul-deep cold brought him to his senses, and he found he’d finally let go his hold on all the agony that had been building since the day he’d lost Fiona, along with his beautiful son. For it might have been months later that Fiona had gone, but everything had begun falling apart the day of Liam’s death.
He loved Fi.
That had not changed. Would she believe him if he were to tell her? Would she even want to know? She had wanted to make love with him today. That much had been very evident. But that wasn’t the same as loving him.
He stood; his legs quivering, goosebumps raised on his skin. He needed to find Fiona. Not to tell her he loved her. That would be stirring up a wasps’ nest. But it was time to really talk to her, to find out what she wanted to do next.
Did they have a future together? Did he want that? He thought he did.
Suddenly he couldn’t wait another minute. He had to see her—explain himself. His feet slipped and skidded as he raced towards the cottage.
‘Fi!’ he called as he pushed open the front door.
Total silence greeted him. Her bedroom door was closed. His watch read nine-thirty. Had she gone to bed early? She’d been exhausted at the end of surgery.
His heart pounded so hard when he knocked on her door he thought his ribs would crack. What if she told him to get lost? He’d wasted too much time already. He needed this opportunity to explain himself.
The door opened a crack.
‘Tom.’
Her flat voice frightened him.
‘Can I come in?’
Chapter Ten
COMMON sense said no.
Fiona said yes.
Tom brushed past her as she held the door wider. He brought with him the cool night air. And a renewal of all the tension she’d felt in the pool earlier. One look at him and she was melting. Tugging the blanket tighter around her, she folded her arms across her breasts, trying to hold her desire at bay.
‘Cold?’ Tom asked, his eyes fixed on her face.
‘A bit.’ Which was blatantly untrue. Her cheeks glowed with heat. She scrutinised him back. ‘Why are you here?’
‘I needed to see you. To explain myself.’
A flicker of hope touched Fiona. Did this mean he was ready to talk about the issues surrounding them? Caution crept over her. What did she say next? She was afraid of getting it wrong, of turning him away because of another simple misunderstanding. Suddenly she was done with wanting to talk. The desire unfurling in her belly would not go back into hiding. It spread out, up and down, left and right. A throb began deep within her—a throb that would not be denied. To hell with talking. The time was past for that. They could talk until the sun came up, but they might not solve a darned thing.
She wanted Tom. Now. She’d deal with the consequences later.
But where and how to start? She was out of practice with everything when it came to men. Especially this one. All she knew was that she loved him and wanted to put things right—put things back the way they were before their marriage began disintegrating. They belonged together and she would fight for him.
She stepped closer, took his chille
