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She was starting to get pins and needles in one leg by the time Zac moved to sit up. Broaching the subject she thought was bothering him, she said, ‘Amelia’s going to be a mess for a while.’
‘That boy will be a mess for the rest of his life.’
‘It’s going to take patience and counselling, yes, but his parents will be there for him all the way. He’ll make it. Hopefully he learned a huge lesson today.’ Though what the kid had been thinking, taking the car for a spin in a packed garage, was beyond her.
Zac leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, the glass between his hands turning back and forth. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. I do.’
Olivia leaned closer to place her hand on his thigh, her shoulder against his upper arm. ‘Tell me.’
She said it so quietly that at first she didn’t think he’d heard, but as she was about to repeat herself he said, ‘I’ve been there.’
‘Oh, Zac.’ Her heart broke for the sadness and despair in those words.
‘My brother’s in a wheelchair. Because of me.’
She closed her eyes. The pain in Zac’s face was too much. He hurt big-time. The load of guilt he carried must crush him at times. Tonight was one of those times. Today’s event had brought back the memories in full colour. She opened her eyes and tried to eyeball him. ‘Zac, I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t give me any platitudes, CC. I couldn’t stand that.’
‘You’ve heard them all before, huh?’
‘Every last one.’ He stared into his glass, the liquid golden in the light thrown by the fire. ‘I prefer honesty and you’ve never given me anything else so please don’t change tonight. No “Mark’s doing fine, it’s okay”. No “You’re forgiven so get on with your life as though it didn’t happen”.’ The warning was issued softly, which made it all the more real.
What the heck was she supposed to say if he didn’t want to talk about it? Or did he want to say what had happened to cause his brother’s injuries but couldn’t get the words out? Had he changed his mind about telling her anything more? Her mind was a jumble of questions and emotions. She wanted to help him, but Zac wasn’t one to ask for help. Or was that what he’d done by turning up on her doorstep?
The doorbell ringing was a welcome interruption while she tried to work out where to go with this. Grabbing the money she’d put out earlier, she went to get dinner.
Zac stood up as she returned to the sitting room. ‘I’ll head away and leave you in peace.’
‘You’re welcome to share this. I never eat more than half.’ Though tonight she might’ve, considering the state her stomach was in. ‘Sit down, Zac. I’ll get some napkins and plates.’
‘You want anything stronger than tea to drink?’
Was that a Yes, I’ll stay? ‘No, thanks.’
‘You’re cautious with your drinks, aren’t you?’ Zac smiled half-heartedly. ‘Afraid of making an idiot of yourself?’
‘Absolutely.’ Rejoining him on the couch, she sighed. ‘Life when I was younger was chaotic and messy. I learned to be rigid in my dealings with my mum, school, everything. Too controlled maybe, but that’s how I manage.’
Taking her hand, Zac locked eyes with hers. ‘Yet you’re completely off the radar when it comes to sex.’
She spluttered over the mouthful she’d just bitten off her pizza.
Zac wiped her mouth with his napkin. ‘I wasn’t complaining.’ The smile he gave her was tender, turning her inside out.
‘Maybe sex is my one outlet,’ she managed, holding back from explaining it hadn’t been like that with the few other men she’d slept with.
He was very quiet for a few minutes, then blew her away with, ‘Would you come to Fiji with me if we agreed to no sex for the whole trip?’
‘What?’ she asked.
‘Think you—we—can do that?’
Talk about a challenge she couldn’t resist. Especially as she was struggling to keep refusing to go in the first place. And now that she’d heard more about what made Zac tick she wanted to spend more time with him.
*
Zac grimaced. The need to go away with Olivia just got stronger and stronger, no matter how often he told himself he was making a mistake. When he’d told her about Mark he’d very nearly continued with the whole sordid story of how his life had changed for ever but a modicum of common sense had prevailed. Fear of seeing disgust in her eyes had locked his tongue to the roof of his mouth.
But if only she’d agree to go to that resort island with him. Go and have some good, honest fun. Even if she agreed to the bizarre suggestion he’d just put out there, he’d be happy. He wouldn’t mind someone to talk to, to relax with.
He saw Olivia open her mouth, heard her say as though in slow motion, ‘I’ll go. I won’t change my mind again. I’m sorry I’ve been vacillating.’
Excitement zipped through him, temporarily drowning out the horrors of that morning’s disaster. They were going to spend time together without the pressures of work; with time to talk, to be themselves, and maybe learn more about each other. ‘Good.’
‘That’s it?’ She laughed, a tinkling sound that lightened his mood.
‘Yes.’ Relief softened him. ‘You know what? I think it’ll be great. Just the two of us.’
Olivia smiled.
It was a big, soft smile that caused him to take a risk. ‘I was driving Dad’s car.’ Swallowing hard, he continued. ‘It was late. We’d been out all day at the rugby, and stopped at a friend’s on the way home.’ His gut churned. ‘Mark was being a pain in the arse, winding me up as only he knew how, and when we drove away from that house he said one thing too many and I lost it. Slammed my foot on the accelerator. The car spun into the stone wall along the waterfront and flipped into the water. Mark’s back was broken.’ That was all there was to it.
Her expression showed no condemnation. ‘How awful for your family. Especially you. You’ve taken the blame ever since, right?’
Air huffed out of his lungs. ‘Of course. I was at fault. I lost my temper.’ Damn, but it still hurt so badly. If he never made another mistake in his life it wouldn’t be good enough.
‘You haven’t forgiven yourself. Does your brother blame you?’ When he nodded once, she continued. ‘What about your parents? Surely they don’t?’
He went for broke. ‘My parents put me in charge of my brother from very early on. They were both busy with their careers as CEOs of big businesses. We were the children to be trotted out at functions or for family photos, and they were proud of us as long as we didn’t stuff up. Which I did—monumentally.’ At least now she’d understand why he wasn’t looking for a woman to love and settle down with, that he’d always fly solo. One holiday in Fiji being the exception. ‘Of course they haven’t forgiven me. I was in charge of Mark that night.’
*
Olivia wanted to cry for him. How could parents do that? Then again, her father had left her with Mum, hadn’t he? Zac shouldn’t, mustn’t take all the blame, but he’d obviously made a lifelong habit of shouldering it. ‘So you and Mark don’t get along even now?’
‘Hardly.’ His mouth flattened. ‘He’s a successful architect, which is something to be grateful for.’
‘More than something. It says he’s moved on, hasn’t let his spinal injury hold him back.’ If only she could remove Zac’s pain. But there was only one person who could do that. Zac.
‘My parents pretty much disowned me after the accident.’ Zac’s face was bleak. ‘I continued living with them for the rest of that year but it was as though I was a stranger. Come the last day of school I was gone. I got a job in a supermarket and went to live with my grandfather. Dad gave me a generous allowance but I turned him down and paid my university fees myself. I never went back home.’
And she’d thought her life had been bad. No wonder she and Zac both balked at commitment. ‘That’s harsh.’ Actually, it was lousy. How could any parent do that? Did Zac think if he moved on, let himself stop feeling guilt,
then he’d be setting himself up for another fall? Zac was a very responsible person. That had been abundantly clear when they’d been training to become surgeons. Had that come from this accident? Or had he always been a responsible person who’d made one mistake? Now she understood his outburst over the boy who’d knocked down Amelia that morning. ‘I’m glad you have your grandfather.’
He cocked an eyebrow at her. ‘So am I. Except he died last Christmas.’ That sadness had returned to his eyes, tightened his face, more deeply, more strongly than ever.
Olivia wanted to banish it—if only for a few hours. And she only knew one way. They weren’t in Fiji yet. Standing up, she put her hand out to him. ‘Come with me.’
His hand was warm and firm as his fingers laced through hers. He didn’t say a word as she led him down the hall to her bedroom. Or when she began unbuttoning his shirt.
Running her hands over that wide expanse of muscular chest, her blood began to thrum along her veins. Her lips surrounded his nipple, her tongue caressed slowly. Then Zac’s hands were lifting her head so he could kiss her.
A long, slow kiss that had none of the urgent fire of any of their previous kisses and all the quietness of giving and sharing. It was heady stuff.
‘Olivia,’ Zac groaned against her mouth.
Without breaking the kiss, she pushed his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms, then found the stud and zip of his jeans. When Zac moved to lift her top she took his hands and placed them at his sides, and continued removing his jeans.
When she had him naked she gently shoved him backwards to sprawl across her bed. Her tummy quivered at the beautiful sight. His well-honed muscles accentuated his masculinity. Slowly she raised her top, exposing her bra-covered breasts. Next she slid her hands under the waistband of her shapeless trackies and began pushing them, oh, so slowly down to her hips, her thighs, her knees.
Zac’s gaze followed her actions, his eyes kissing her skin. Shivers of excitement touched all the exposed places of her body. Standing in her panties and bra, she suddenly felt uncomfortable. What was she doing? Then Zac’s tongue lapped his bottom lip and she relaxed. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t seen her naked, and while she mightn’t be a strip dancer she could undress seductively.
Zac put his hands behind his head and kept watching her.
Placing one foot on the bed, she undid her bra and let it fall into her hands to be twirled across the room.
