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He lifted her up in a swift motion, bringing a surprised gasp from her even as her legs locked around his waist. His wide, amused smile was so free and gorgeous, it took her breath away. Oh God, she loved him so much. She’d take him any way she could, as much as she could, for her short time left there.
With one hand on her back, the other in her hair, he kissed her and said, “Let’s celebrate upstairs. For the rest of the afternoon.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Logan woke up in the dim light of sunrise. He was in Tess’s big, cozy sleigh bed, with her against his side. A peek at her nightstand clock showed it was just past six a.m. Tess slept soundly; naked, warm, endlessly tempting. But he sighed as he drew her even closer, careful not to wake her. Today was the day. He’d been dreading this for two and half weeks.
It was the damnedest thing, though. They’d acted as much like a real couple in these past weeks as he’d ever been with his ex-wife. They’d gone out and stayed in, shared meals and laughs, made love every night . . . And yeah, they said all the time how they were just friends. Like a disclaimer. Every time he felt that intense pull that sometimes had them staring into each other’s eyes, one of them would remark on how amazing their friendship was.
He never told her, never even hinted at it, but she owned him, heart and soul. And today, she was going back to New York to live her life with their baby . . . no. For the hundredth time, he reminded himself it was her baby. He wouldn’t get to see this child grow up. He’d rarely, if ever, see the child at all. To think when he’d started this, he’d been fine with that . . .
God, he’d been so fucking stupid. Thinking he’d do her this favor, that it wouldn’t really tie him to her, that he’d get to do a good deed but stay on his own, that he wouldn’t get emotionally attached. He’d been blindsided. Tess Harrison was the most incredible person he’d ever known, and this deal had become everything.
She’d become one of his closest friends . . . maybe his best friend, really. She knew him in ways no one else did. No one since Rachel. He hadn’t let anyone. But when he wasn’t looking, without even realizing it, he’d let his walls down and let Tess in. And she seemed to understand him, appreciate him, just for who he was. And she . . . She was a marvel. She radiated light, kindness, intelligence, strength. Add to that how damned beautiful and sexy she was. He loved everything about her.
Now he had to let her go, and it would come just short of killing him to do so.
He wanted to ask her to stay. He wanted to tell her he loved her. He wanted . . . He wanted lots of things, but none of them would be fair. He’d signed papers. He’d made promises. He’d sworn to honor her and her decisions. If he tried to change that now, she’d leave him in the dust.
He very clearly remembered what she’d said the night she’d asked him to be her sperm donor: I want to have a baby and raise it as my own. I don’t want a partner, and I don’t need a father figure . . . The fact that you don’t want to be a father is perfect, because I don’t want you to be its father . . . This child is going to be mine, and mine alone . . . I want it that way.
She wanted independence. He loved her enough to let her go. But first, he had to get through driving her to the damn airport . . . He actually had to help her leave.
She curled closer into him in her sleep with a tiny sigh, tossing her long, perfect leg over his thigh. He moved his hand down to caress her skin as he thought about the night before. It’d been a goodbye dinner at his mom’s house. When it was time for him to take Tess home, Annmarie had clutched Tess in a tight hug.
“I’ll be back soon,” Tess told her, returning the hug. She’d looked over Annmarie’s head to Logan, the bittersweet look of surprise on her face wringing his heart out. Tess patted Annmarie on the back. “This isn’t goodbye. It’s just goodbye for now. I’ll be back in two months for a visit. I won’t be able to stay away from your son for longer than that.”
As Logan thought, Nice touch, sweetheart, Annmarie had pulled back to look up into Tess’s face and say tremulously, “It’s been such a pleasure getting to know you, Tess. Truly. You’re a wonderful woman.”
