‘More like somebody who had been so steeped in celebrity their whole life that they had been washed along by that. But you’re not at all that way, and still like your mother – self-made and determined.’
I tucked Runcible inside my coat – all this standing around talking in the cold wasn’t her thing – and thought for a moment.
‘My relationship with Mum hasn’t been the easiest. When I was little, she was working on building up her career and she prioritised that over everything else, including me. I get it, I do, I’m not a brat, but it was very clear to me that I was a nuisance, a hindrance, and very low down on her list. When she became successful, I was packed off to boarding school. I loved it and it was by far the best thing for both of us, but of course I still felt abandoned. So I did what she had done all those years before – focused on building up my career so that I could be independent and in charge of all my own decisions. Only I didn’t have a child to factor in.’
‘Would you have done things differently if you had?’
‘Probably not. My motivation not to be dependent on Mum was too strong. She wasn’t cut out for motherhood, and neither am I. Can you imagine some poor little mite being stuck with me for a mum?’
I gave a strangulated laugh at this not very funny comment, and an image of Theo cuddling Runcible flipped across my mind.Would it be so terrible, in reality?
Alexander looked at me for a moment, opened his mouth to say something and then clearly changed his mind. He cleared his throat and instead asked me:
‘What about your father? What was he like?’
‘I have no idea, never met the guy. Come on, let’s get this pine picked or we won’t be drinking cocktails this evening.’
I was grateful that he accepted my abrupt change of direction and immediately turned his attentions to the trees, chatting about which ones looked juiciest. As we worked, I pondered what it was about Alexander that had prompted me to have a conversation I never, ever get into with anyone. He was so kind and easy to talk to, listening without judgement and allowing me to stop when I wanted to. I sighed inwardly. If only I wasn’t so worried about what damage I could do to his lovely child, he could just be perfect.
FOURTEEN
We returned home from our foraging with several sprigs of pine from different parts of the trees, as well as a small bagful of sweet chestnuts. No one else was around, so we went to the kitchen and started on our syrups.
‘I hope Coco won’t mind us raiding the cupboards,’ I said, hunting around for what we required. ‘We need an awful lot of sugar.’
‘I’ll text her,’ said Alexander, ‘and if she’s near a shop, she can pick up some more; otherwise, I’ll pop out later and restock anything she needs urgently. I was going to take Theo to the cinema this afternoon anyway. What are you up to?’
I wasn’t sure if this was an invitation, but I wouldn’t have been able to accept it anyway.
‘It’s the next phase of Mum’s “return Fallon to wellness” scheme. Although I have to confess that I’m looking forward to this one. There’s a woman in York who does special holistic massages and they do sound amazing – all scented oils and being wrapped up in cocooning towels.’
He laughed.
‘Whatever floats your boat. Is she sharing it all with her social media following?’
‘Oh, absolutely. The caring mother angle is one she hasn’t exploited before – on social media or anywhere else – so her fans adore this new side of her and she’s also getting plenty of attention from the wellness brigade. A couple of magazines have been in touch about doing articles on it, so she’s very pleased with herself.’
‘What about you?’
I measured some sugar into a saucepan.
‘I suppose you would say “it’s complicated”. I can’t pretend I’m not enjoying these little pockets of time with her and, if I’m honest, being the focus of her attention, even if I know that her motives go far beyond helping me. She’s different when she’s not working onMayfair Mews, and I don’t think she’s ever taken so much time off before. Your dad must be having a positive influence.’
‘He’s a good guy.’
‘Anyway, sorry for going on about myself. Shall we add the water to this?’
Alexander put down the jug he was about to fill and put both hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him awkwardly, not sure what he was doing.
‘Fallon, please don’t apologise for talking about yourself. I’m interested, and you’re not “going on”. It seems to me that you spend an awful lot of time doing things for other people; maybe youshouldtalk about yourself more.’
I blushed and looked away.
‘I’m not doing things for other people – it’s just work, normally.’
‘I know I’ve only known you for a few days, but I see it differently. You may not be in some traditional caring profession, but your work is all about making people happy. And since you’ve been here, as I said before, you’ve reached out toseveral of us, helping us. You may dress it up as “just work”, but I see a very caring and selfless woman.’
I wriggled away from him and gave a slightly strangled laugh.
