A jolt of dizziness overwhelmed my head, and for a moment it was the physical symptoms that preoccupied me. Was I going to faint? I was hot and my heart was racing. It took a few seconds before the cool inner voice I have finally learned to let in came drifting across the panic.Breathe, Fallon, breathe.Trying not to gasp for air – partly because it didn’t particularly help and partly because anything that looked too dramatic would instantly be interpreted by my mother as attention-seeking in the face of her limelight – I managed to count my breaths in and out until my jangled body calmed down and the adrenaline seeped away. I glanced furtively around the table. Mum had moved on, assuming my lack of reply as agreement, and was yakking to Douglas about colour schemes. Everyone else was looking at mewith some concern, even Theo. It was Constance, sitting next to me, who put her hand on my shoulder and said quietly:
‘Are you all right, Fallon? Do you want to go outside for a breath of air?’
I shook my head and smiled shakily.
‘I’m okay, thank you.’ I turned to Mum and spoke more loudly, interrupting her ruminations over whether baby pink was too girlish for the more mature bride. ‘Mum, Douglas, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can arrange your party.’
My mother’s head whipped around.
‘What on earth do you mean?’
A feeling of nausea crept into my stomach, but I breathed it away.
‘You brought me up here to rest. I really, really need to have a break. I know I’m helping Alexander, and I am enjoying it, but that workload is tiny compared to organising a last-minute engagement party for fifty people – especially, Mum, when you are the bride.’
‘Whatever do you mean?’
I hated myself for the cold feeling of fear that was creeping into my veins; I was a grown woman, but still scared of her and of that tone of voice. But I gathered my courage, injected my own voice with soothing tones and continued:
‘It’s not a criticism, but you are very particular – a perfectionist. I don’t mind working with clients like that, but the timescale just isn’t long enough to deliver what I know you would want.’
‘Rubbish, I would be perfectly happy with a relaxed gathering.’
I nearly snorted with derision, but managed to turn it into a cough. My mother has never been happy with a relaxed anything. I soldiered on.
‘Even if that were true, who are you going to invite? All your friends are in London. Don’t you want them to celebrate with you? Why don’t you have the party down there after Christmas?’
I was pleased with this idea, not least because I would be able to palm the planning off on someone else – I was aware that it was only my availability that had made Mum ask me this time. I wasn’t nearly fancy enough for her in normal circumstances. Unfortunately, she waved my suggestion away.
‘No, no. Douglas has lots of people up here he can ask, and it would be the perfect opportunity for me to meet them if they couldn’t make the Bond party. There will be plenty who are curious to get to know the future Lady Knight.’ I fought to keep a straight face. Of course, she was going to be lady of the manor. ‘Anyway, this will just be the first of our celebrations. Obviously, we’ll have something in London as well, in the New Year, won’t we, Douglas?’
Finally, he spoke up.
‘Yes, we can do that…but Fallon, I am worried about you. After all, as you said, you are our guest here and you need to rest and recover.’ He turned to Mum. ‘Jacqueline, I’m sure we could find someone else.’
Mum pouted and allowed tears to spring to her eyes.
‘We won’t, though,’ she whispered, dabbing at her eye with a corner of her napkin. ‘I don’t know why you’re not happier for us, Fallon, I would have thought it would be yourpleasureto put a little something together for us, to celebrate our joy. All you would need to do is sort out some drinks, maybe some music, a photographer from one of the better magazines to pop in. Décormightbe difficult, I suppose, with everyone so busy, but we can’t be defeatist…’
She trailed off and looked around at us pathetically. It was Alexander who tried next.
‘Jacqueline, of course we’re all delighted for you and Dad, but a special party like this would be a big ask. I was already worried about squeezing in time to decorate the house for Christmas.’ He turned to Theo, who had looked up from the book he was now reading in preference to listening to our conversation. ‘Don’t worry, we’lldefinitelymake time to do the house.’ Theo grinned and returned to his book, satisfied, but Mum clapped her hands in delight.
‘Oh, Alexander! You are wonderful!’
‘I am?’ He looked at her suspiciously.
‘To offer to sort out the decoration. That’s the part I wasreallyworried about, but you’ve solved it, you clever thing!’
‘That’s not what I—’ He attempted to interrupt, but I could have told him that was a fool’s errand. Mum was full steam ahead now.
‘And I justknowthat you’ll want to help Fallon, seeing as she’s givenyouso much help – of course you will – so really, darling’ – she turned to me, now – ‘it will be a tiny little bit of nothing, just a few phone calls, and I would besograteful.’ I went to speak, but she hadn’t finished. ‘It’s been solovelyseeing you and Alexander working so beautifully together, it would probably be a pleasure for you to have an extra little project.’
She gave me a catlike smile; she could continue on this theme, if she chose. So more to shut her up than anything, I capitulated.
‘All right! I’ll put something together, but it will be small and simple.’
‘With a magazine photographer?’
