‘Quite. Her heart is in the right place, I think, but she is rather…’
‘Pushy?’
He grinned.
‘I was going to say “persistent”, but you’ve got a point. Anyway, it looked like she was getting to you a bit and I overheard the last bit of it. I just didn’t want you to – well – pay any attention to her.’
I nodded. ‘I’ve come across a few Annabels in my time, but she is unusually direct. She’s very determined, isn’t she?’
‘I can’t understand why, though. I mean, Holly left me when I had my accident and made it very clear that I was damaged goods. Our marriage was already struggling because I didn’t want to do the whole social round. Annabel’s already made it clear that she doesn’t think much of the new business; she actually asked me if artisanal gin was legal as if I was sitting on the side of the bath with a wooden paddle. When I assured her it was totally legit, she raised an eyebrow and said, “Wouldn’t whisky have more cachet?”’
I laughed. ‘Maybe she doesn’t think you’re quite such a good ‘cachet’, after all.’
‘Ha. If only. But I can’t understand her, what she thinks I have to offer. Unless it’s just being lady of the manor and hoping to mould me into something better, given time.’
He looked bewildered and I longed to reach out to him and explain in detail just exactly what I thought was so appealing about him. I swallowed.
‘That stuff – the new business and your hand and the parties – doesn’t matter, does it? I think she sees what a kind and hard-working man you are. And what a good father. Some women go crazy for that.’
‘Some women?’
I paused. I had given myself the opening I had wanted, without meaning to.
‘Yes. Some women. I’m not fussy when it comes to gin or whisky.’
He reached out his hand to touch mine.
‘Look, I’m sorry that I was a bit snippy about you being back in time yesterday. I know you did your best. I get worried for Theo, and I overreacted.’
I moved my hand away.
‘No, you were right. I cut it too fine, and I didn’t have to. I could have been back with proper time to spare, even accounting for the vagaries of the train companies. I was too caught up in work and I left late. Although the good news is that Sam is coming up to help with the engagement party.’
He nodded, barely seeming to have heard me.
‘Can we forget about the Nativity, Fallon? It all ended well, so we can take it from here, surely?’
My heart leaped and my first thought was to agree…then I thought of how unsure everything had been and how worried I had felt, so much so that I had barely slept. Pushing back tears, I shook my head slowly.
‘I don’t think so. I can’t tell you how much I’m enjoying my time here, how I love Theo and, well, how happy I was when things changed with you.’ I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to hold back the emotion. ‘But I saw the pain and the worry I caused just with that one incident. Alexander, I’m not cut out for this. Hey, I’m Jacqueline’s daughter, after all!’ I gave a sortof strangulated and mirthless laugh. ‘I think I’m better on the periphery. You two are doing just fine without me.’
Alexander looked at me, confusion in his eyes.
‘We are. But – it was beginning to feel betterwithyou.’
I looked miserably at my hands then back up at him.
‘And you,’ I whispered. ‘But people don’t change that much – enough. I can’t risk it, Alexander, hurting you both.’
I stood up quickly and left the room, not wanting him to see the tears in my eyes and to see that I wasn’t certain I was making the right decision, not at all.
TWENTY-THREE
When I left Alexander, the only thing I could do in that moment was to get out on the moors again. I had found them so healing over the time I had been at Blakeney Hall, even if that was partly down to the cold shock therapy you experienced every time you stepped outside. I grabbed my coat and almost ran back to the kitchen, hoping to avoid seeing anyone, but the house seemed deserted. Runcible had curled up in her favourite warm spot near the Aga, nestled in one of Theo’s jumpers that he had left downstairs and now didn’t have the heart to claim back from her. She blinked up at me sleepily.
‘Don’t worry, darling,’ I said, my voice shaky. ‘You stay put – you look so happy there.’
I pushed open the back door and started to tread the familiar path across the garden. At the bottom, I decided to turn right and go and visit Heathcliff. There he was, chewing comfortingly on some hay. I clicked to him, and he came wandering over for me to scratch his head and stroke his silky ears.
