While Kas was somewhat aware he may have been deluding himself, he chose to believe the lovely tutor, his effervescent muse, was as smitten with him as he was with her.
Be patient,he reminded himself. They were friends. For now. And that would have to be all right. He had to give her time to—hopefully—realize the extent of her feelings for him.
Unless he was wrong and she had none. Butthatwas too much to bear. So, he tamped down the concept and shifted diagonally, setting his long legs on the seat across the aisle, and settling in to enjoy the final hours of the journey observing her.
twenty-six
Kas learns how to focus.
Dayspassedbackhomeat Stormhill, and routine returned to Kas’s life. He came back from the symposium inspired, in many ways, but there was a bit of a problem: The new normal was all too similar to theiroldnormal. Life felt the way it had before he and Nes developed a tenuous friendship. There wasnosemblance of the rapport they’d built in Rohilavol, though Kas had to admit, he could, possibly, be partially to blame.
He was writing again.
It took until the third day back for him to admit he was entirely to blame for the change in circumstance. How in the gods’ names was Nes supposed to become comfortable with her feelings for him if all he did was stay cooped up in his office?
He needed to change—likely in more ways than one—but making himself present, doing a better job managing his working hours, that would be a start. Kas would like to say the idea was his own, but it was prompted by a note from Hevva, reminding him of their upcoming holiday to Summer Cottage, torelax, and to stop planning every second of his life.
He rolled his eyes, but time was running short. Nes and the twins might not return to Stormhill after their holiday. He needed toact.It was high time to resume scheduled dinners.
Thetwinstumbledintothe dining room and ricocheted off the walls, before pinging into their seats. “Boys on one side, girls on the other,” Ataht liked to say.
Nesrina, his muse, arrived almost late and stole the breath from his lungs when she slipped in wearing her godsdamned golden gown—the one he’d last seen pooled on the floor around her ankles. He groaned, earning a confused glance from the twins. She had to know what she was doing to him. She had to.
Patience, Kas.
Over supper, the adults learned all about how to host a foreign delegation... from the children, so the information was of questionable providence. Apparently, they’d spent their holiday questioning their history tutor about the Domossan visit to the capital. Their tutor didn’t know much, and Kas suspected he’d invented customs, like a ball.
“Wehaveto have one.” Della’s eyes were round and pleading.
“It’ll be educational,” Ataht added.
Across the table, Nes gushed, “I think it’s a splendid idea.”
What a hassle.He wasn’t sold, and the twins could see it on his face. His inability to school his expression earned Kas an extensive series of shrieked pleas from the duo.
He had started his next article early, so he’d have time to spare, but not for things likeballs.
They’d almost convinced him. Della rattled off reasons why it would be prudent to allow the young royals to practice their future diplomatic duties. Ataht chimed in with color commentary. Then Kas found Nes eyeing him.
She inclined her head at the twins, lifted her brows, and stuck out her pillowy bottom lip.
He acquiesced straight away.
It was quite enjoyable being friends with her.
The twins launched into a planning session, and by the time the last of their blackberry tarts had been polished off, it was decided that their nannies and other tutors would be invited as well. Della was also quite vocal about her desire to match Miss Kiappa at the event of the summer, which Nes thought was sweet but impossible, brushing the idea off with tact.
When they all departed the dining chamber, he beelined straight to his study. Balance was something to strive for, he didn’t expect to master it immediately.
Aweekaftertheirreturnfrom Rohilavol, Kas’s luck changed. His plan to strike balance was failing on all fronts. Most importantly: he’d lost his muse.
Too focused on how hecouldn’twrite, he’d become snappish and distant during the rare times he got to see Nesrina. Conversely, too focused on Nes, he’d been unable to get more than doodles of her face and form onto the page for two days.
Hemissedher. He saw her daily, yes, but it wasn’t the same as when they’d been at the symposium. He needed to check in but didn’t want to bother her or draw attention to the fact he was stopping by her room at—he checked his pocket watch—midnight. So, he did what any logical man would do and took the hidden stairway that connected their bedrooms.
What the hell am I doing?
Be patient, Kas.
