ALLIE
It turns out the packages Teddy told me about yesterday afternoon at Rosemary’s were two more lamps. While I’ve always enjoyed good lighting, I’ve never been this obsessed with it. At the rate I’m going, I could open my own lamp store. In fact, my lack of space has become such a problem I’ve had to turn my coat closet into a storage room.
The good news is that I finally got a great night’s sleep last night. My first since moving into my new apartment. After years of sharing a home with someone else, I’m finding it more difficult than I thought being on my own.
The upside is that I love not needing to consult with anyone about anything. Brett was a real stickler about our apartment and wouldn’t let me display anything without his approval. At first, I thought it was nice that he was so interested in our decor. However, after two years of this I realized he was just a control freak.
Another thing I love about being on my own is that I can eat sugary breakfast cereal any time of day without comment from the peanut gallery. My ex-husband was convinced that only fatpeople ate my favorite childhood treat, while my mom was determined that I eat enough for a football team in training. She wanted to add two eggs and bacon to my standard serving of chocolatey goodness.
Settling onto my couch with a large bowl of Cocoa Puffs, I flip on the TV and scroll through my options on Netflix. I settle on a documentary series about a mother who exploited her child as a teen-influencer on YouTube. By the time I’m finished with the first episode, I’m thoroughly disgusted. It seems that any idiot can have a baby, just not me.
Turning off the television, I close my eyes and take a little catnap in the sunbeam shooting through my front window. In that strange space between consciousness and oblivion, an array of thoughts shoot through my head.
Growing up with a mother like Margaret, I always thought I needed a husband to make my life complete. I briefly wonder if marrying Brett had more to do with making that assumption a reality versus what might have happened had I realized I was enough on my own. What if I’d never dated Brett and instead waited until I found someone who wanted a partner in life versus an incubator for his army of mini-mes?
Forcing myself to be truthful, I realize that I did love Brett. In fact, there were no real red flags until we started trying for a family. That’s when he became adamant he wanted a boy first and then a girl. Like I had any say in the order.
The funny thing is that neither one of us got our wish. I didn’t have any kind of baby, and he got four daughters. Talk about a world of unfairness.
After Brett left, I took half our joint savings and toured Europe for a month. I stayed in five-star hotels and ate at Michelin-starred restaurants like some kind of celebrity. I didn’t adhere to any budget. I just lived and spent and mourned. I didn’t allow myself to think of the future beyond the next day. That trip was the best thing I could’ve done to close one chapter in my life before opening another.
Brett was always very insistent that we each pay half of the expenses and that we have a joint savings account for when we purchased our first house. Our lives were a fifty-fifty split, so I only took what was mine. The good news is that my dad always raised me to have money of my own, so I also had a personal account that I never told my husband about.
I never anticipated using that money for anything other than the two of us, I just wanted to have some kind of autonomy to do things I wanted should he give me any resistance. As it was, Brett not only had to approve our apartment décor, but he also had the final say where we ate, where we vacationed, and even who our couple friends were. In retrospect, maybe there were some unseen signs that he wasn’t the man for me.
Snuggling into the couch cushions, my thoughts turn to Noah. I wonder what kind of partner he’d be. From what I’ve seen since getting to know him as an adult, I imagine he’s gentle and caring. He strikes me like the kind of man who wants to share his life, not run it like a dictator of his own country.
Noah Riley is the last person in the world I thought I would cross paths with, yet here we are. Not only do we work at the same place, but we also coach basketball together. Talk about an odd turn of events.
When I finally get up, I take a bubble bath in my claw-foot tub and then I get ready to meet Finley. I’ve only ever lived in Elk Lake as a kid or a divorced woman, so I don’t really know what the demographic of single people my age is. I don’t suppose it’s high, which makes me wonder why she moved here. Although, I’m just assuming she’s single. Maybe she has a husband or boyfriend.
Checking my reflection in the mirror, I decide that I look pretty good. My barrel-legged jeans don’t show off my figure, so I’ve paired them with a burgundy-colored henley that’s snug enough to let the world know I take care of myself.
If I’m being honest, I know I’m not making such an effort for Finley. I’m doing it because I’m meeting Noah right afterwards,and even though I claim I don’t want to date him, my younger self is looking for a little revenge for how he treated me in the past. I want him to see how good I look, and I want him to kick himself for ever passing up an opportunity to be with me.
I don’t leave my apartment until five of one because I’m only going downstairs. When I walk into Rosemary’s, Faith looks up from the cash register and calls out, “Allie, you’re here! Come tell me everything!”
I smile as I approach my old boss. Faith is pretty in that girl-next-door kind of way—sort of how my mom views me. She’s lived in Elk Lake her entire life and took over the bakery her grandmother founded. I imagine meeting and marrying a movie star was the last thing she ever expected to happen to her. It gives me a little bit of hope that there’s an equally unexpected and delightful story arc in my future.
“Thank you for the cookies for the basketball teams,” I tell her. “I tried to pay for them, but Teddy wouldn’t let me.”
With a big smile, Faith says, “I’m glad he didn’t. It’s important for us to do things to support our community. And what better way than feeding kids?”
After ordering a pumpkin spice hot chocolate and a scone—Faith only lets me pay for the scone—I tell her, “I love teaching. I never thought of doing it, but it turns out I might have a real knack for it.”
“Good for you!” She doesn’t sound in the least upset that I left her with barely any notice. Of course, I wasn’t exactly a ray of sunshine, as she mentioned on my last day.
“And now, thanks to you, I also have a great new apartment. Which I love, by the way.”
“I can’t wait to see what you’ve done with it.” With a wink, she adds, “That’s a hint that you should invite me over sometime.”
“Anytime!” I tell her. “When I’m not at the school, that’s where you’ll find me.”
“I’ll stop by soon,” she says. “Do you mind if I bring thetwins?” She must recognize the look of panic on my face because she’s quick to say, “You know what? They need daddy time with Teddy before he leaves for LA.”
I hate that I feel relief, but as much as I feel myself healing from my baby trauma, I’m still not ready to have playdates with someone else’s toddlers.
The bell over the door rings and I turn to see Finley. “Allie, Faith, hey!” Her long blonde hair is flowing over her shoulders like some kind of shampoo ad. If she weren’t so darn nice, it would be easy to hate her.
