“You don’t have to decide today,” I tell Margie. “This is a big decision, but I’m glad you’re thinking about it. That shows a lot of maturity.”
Margie momentarily buries her head into the pillow she’s holding. Then she lifts it and looks into my eyes. “I want you to adopt my baby, Allie.”
As soon as the words are out of her mouth, I jolt backwards like I just got hit by a fly ball at the World Series. “What?”
“I’ve been thinking about it ever since you said that you were going to look into adoption.”
“But … you know … I mean … I didn’t …” I’m currently the least articulate woman on the planet. “I didn’t say that so you’d give me your baby.”
“I know you didn’t. But you’ve stepped up to help me in a way that no one else has. You’ve been there for me and that’s meant the world. You are exactly the kind of woman I want for my baby to have as a mother.”
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me and my head is spinning in circles. I’m full of just about every emotion I could possibly conjure. I feel love, gratitude, trepidation, and sadness. The inside of my brain is like a Category 5 hurricane.
“You could be the mom you’ve always wanted to be,” she says quietly. “And maybe I could be like an aunt to the baby. That is if you wouldn’t mind having an open adoption.” She looks at me with such hopeful eyes, I feel my heart break.
She is offering me everything right now, yet I don’t know what to say to her. “I would have to think about it,” I tell her honestly. “I’m still wrapping my head around adopting on my own.”
“But youwillthink about it?” she wants to know.
“I promise you, I’ll think of little else. You just have to make sure this is what you really want.” I confess, “I’ve had a lot of loss and I’m not sure I could take it if you changed your mind.”
Margie scoots across the couch so she’s sitting right next to me. Putting her head on my shoulder, she tells me, “I won’t change my mind. I’m not ready to give upmydreams for a baby, but I really do want to know her.”
“She could be a boy,” I tell her. “We’ve both been calling her a girl, but that might not be the case.”
“Whatever it is,” Margie replies, “I want to love this baby, but I don’t want to be the only person who feels real responsibility for it. That’s more than I can handle on my own.”
“What if you and the baby kept living with me after she’s born? What if you could stay here until you were ready to be on your own?” I’m not sure I mean this as a real offer, but I might. More than anything, I want to know that Margie really doesn’t want to be this baby’s mother.
“I want to have my own life before becoming a mom,” she says with determination.
“You’d have to get Jordan to sign away rights,” I tell her.
She scoffs loudly. “I’m pretty sure the guy who wants me to have an abortion won’t think twice about giving his kid away.”
“It might be different once the baby arrives,” I say. A tiny flicker of hope starts to burn deep inside me, but I’m terrified to let it grow.
Margie stays firm. “It won’t be. I’ll still be eighteen. My parents will still hate me. And more than anything, I’ll still want a life of my own.”
“What if your parents change their minds and they offer to help support you?” I know it sounds like I’m trying to talk Margie out of this, but if I’m going to get on board with this idea I can’t have any doubts.
“I know my parents, and they won’t change their minds,” she says.
After several moments of silence, I tell Margie, “I have a lot to think about. When are you hoping to have my decision?”
Her mouth forms into the smallest smile. “I was hoping for right now, but I know that’s asking a lot.”
“I won’t make you wait too long,” I tell her. “I know how much courage it’s taken for you to make this decision. But I still want you to talk to both your parents and Jordan about it before we finalize anything.”
I realize that I’m giving her hope by phrasing my response like that, but the truth is that I’m practically doing internal backflips at the thought of adopting Margie and Jordan’s baby. This would be the luckiest child in the world to have both my love and her birth mother’s, as well.
Now all I have to do is affirm my own resolve that I’m prepared to do this on my own. I also have to tell my parents, which won’t be a whole lot of fun. But if I do become a single mother, I’m going to need them by my side.
I help Margie pull out the sofa and make up her bed before heading into my own room. Then I proceed to lie awake most ofthe night trying to imagine what this whole thing would look like. Try as I might, I can no longer imagine my life without Margie and her baby in it.
Even though I fall asleep with a smile on my face, there’s still a lump of trepidation in my heart.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
