Angel:At least you’d have it.
Devil:But if you take it, they’ll never know how much they really needed you.
Angel:Pride goeth before a fall, Noah.
Devil:Hold strong and don’t take the job for a penny less than you deserve.
“In addition to the money,” I tell Tom, “I want a five-year contract that can’t be terminated without a full buyout.” This way, even if Holland Frame comes back, they can’t boot me out without it costing them an arm and a leg.
“You’re not being offered the head coaching position at Harvard,” he shouts. “Don’t be greedy, Noah. Take the job and be happy Banks is willing to hire you back after you walked out on them.”
Oh, no he didn’t.He did not just make me the bad guy here. “I took the Bulldogs to third in the state,” I tell him in a dangerously calm voice. “Idid that. And for my efforts I was demoted.”
“Atfullpay,” he reminds me like my title was of no importance.
“Take my counteroffer to the board, Tom. I will not come back for less.”
“You can’t be making as much as you were at the school you’re with now.” I hate that he thinks he can talk to me like this. Just because he’s a loaded moneybag who bought his kid’s spot at Banks does not make him my superior. In fact, he’s not that much older than I am, but he’s talking down to me like he’s a seventy-year-old business tycoon and it’s my job to shine his boots.
“How much money I’m making now is none of your concern, Tom. Take them my offer or don’t. Either way, I reject the current proposal.” I hang up the phone before he can respond.
My heart is beating so fast, I force myself to take several deep breaths to calm down. My dream is on the verge of coming true. Going back to Banks is practically all I’ve thought about since I packed up my car and moved to Elk Lake. Why aren’t I happier about it then?
An image of Allie pops into my head and I smile despite my current anger. She might have something to do with my lack of enthusiasm, but even so, this is mydream. Allie and I hardly know each other and I’m not going to pass up a life full of trophies and accolades for something as uncertain as the possibility of our having a future together.
There’s also the small fact that Allie can’t have her own children. I know I would love any child that I raised, but I still have that very human desire to replicate myself. It must be miraculous to see a tiny version of your eyes, your nose, or even your pinkie toes in your baby. Could I give that up for love?
Even as I ask the question, the devil re-emerges and declares, “You aren’t in love with the woman!”
The angel is quick to come back as well. “Why can’t you be in love with her? Love is magical and mystical. It doesn’t follow any earthly timeline. It’s a gift that can only be truly defined by the spirit.”
I no longer have the energy to go into the store. Instead, I pull out of my parking spot and drive back to my parents’ house. Sitting out front, I stare at the yard I’ve known my whole life. I remember Lorelai and me running around the bushes chasing squirrels. I recall all the Halloweens we spent carving pumpkins on the porch. I think about the Christmas lights my dad suspended from the gutters that made everything look like it was encased in brilliant crystal icicles. Looking back at the street, I can almost see the school bus pulling up to take me and my sister to school.
This house is full of memories from what most would consider the perfect childhood. Heck, even I would call it that and I know there were bumps along the way. Why are all these great memories making me feel so sad?
My dream of going back to Banks and taking my team all the way to first is on the brink of happening. I should be ecstatic, but I’m not. That’s when I hear a loud voice inside my head like the Almighty himself is talking to me.
What if your dreams have changed, Noah? What if there’s something more important in store for you?
And in that moment, I can’t help but wonder, what if there is?
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
ALLIE
I wake up tangled in my sheets like I’ve been wrestling alligators all night long. Which is about how rested I feel.
My mind spun and spun and spun some more. I had crazy dreams which included me taking a bus to Madison, climbing the walls of the house Brett and Holly posted on Instagram—calling it their “dream home”—and stealing their babies one by one. Then I took them to an adoption agency before trying to talk the people there into letting me adopt them.
I knew how insane this was even while I was dreaming it. I mean, I’d just kidnapped them—who in the world would make that legal? Then there’s the small fact that I don’t want Brett’s babies. Not to mention Ireallydon’t want four at one time.
I finally gather the strength to crawl out of bed. Tying my big fluffy pink robe around me, I shuffle out to the living room. I expect to see Margie in a similar state to my own—sleep deprived and anxiety-riddled—but that’s not what I find.
Margie is tucked under the covers and is sleeping like a baby herself. She looks peaceful and serene, and I suddenly know that she’s made her final decision, and she will not change her mind.
I admire this girl more than I can say. She’s stayed true to herself in the toughest of situations with very little support and yet she’s not once backed down. She hasn’t let herself be bullied into doing something she knew wasn’t right for her. And even during such emotional chaos, she’s found a solution that not only will allow her to live life the way she wants to, but it will also give me the greatest gift I could imagine.
After starting the coffee pot, I go back into the living room and sit down on the overstuffed chair across from the sofa. I watch Margie sleep for a few more minutes while my resolve hardens into something tangible. I am going to adopt Margie’s baby. There’s absolutely no reason in this world why I should allow someone else that privilege.
