Subtly, I attempt to draw a calming breath, keeping my mask on to hide the pain. It doesn’t work, and I wince.
Liam stops. Did he—did I miss it?
“What was that?” he asks, gently pulling out, doing a plank above me.
“What was what?”
“You winced.”
“I didn’t wince.”
“Peaches, seriously, I’m not doing this again.” Liam looks down at my stomach and then back up at me. “Evie, does that hurt for you?”
I bite my lip. I can’t lie to him. “Only a little.” Okay, so I can lie to him a little bit.
“Are you kidding me? Why would you push this if—”
“You can finish, it’s fine.”
“I’m not finishing anything,” he huffs, falling on his back.
“I can help.” I turn over, reaching out. I owe him that much after what he made me feel.
Liam stands up, pulling up his boxers and heading to the bathroom. “I’m fine.”
I lay on my back, a headache surging through. Exactly what I need right now. Guilt gnaws away at me. That wasn’t a fair exchange. No way is he going to want to do that again.
It was stupid, but I hoped Liam would be different. That I could just be with someone. Like everyone else on this damn Earth seems to be able to do.
Hope’s fading that pain-free intimacy will ever be possible, that my lower half won’t burst into painful, gut-wrenching flames every time something other than a finger enters. I wipe away a tear, but the flood follows. Liam pauses briefly in the doorframe before crawling into bed and folding me into him.
“I’m so sorry.” I sob into his chest. “You have every right to be frustrated I couldn’t finish.”
“Hey—hey no, I’m sorry I got frustrated. But it wasn’t because we didn’t finish, Peaches. I need you to speak up when it hurts, okay?”
“It’s not that simple. Iwantyou. Iwantthis. I’m sorry. I just—I don’t know.” A string of frustrated expletives escapes me. I want to benormalfor one damn day down there—why is she so freakin’ high maintenance? “I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want to try again. A lot of guys would give up or don’t care. It’s just she gets to a point and it’s game over. But you felt nice before that—and I know that doesn’t make sense—but the kisses are good—really frickin’ good—and—”
Liam’s stare remains heavy on me. He cups my face and leans, leaving a soft, intentional kiss on my lips like he’s imprinting. “I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to. We’ll get there.”
He makes a pained grunt, shifting in bed.
“Can you please let me help with that? I feel awful—” I reach out, and he gently pulls my hand away.
“No offense, Peaches, but we’re not doing anything in this bed because one of us feels guilty.”
“But—”
“Let’s just get some rest, okay? You have a busy week ahead of you.”
He wraps me up, and I turn so my back is to him, like so many times in the past few weeks.
But for the first time, the sunshine doesn’t chase away the dark clouds. He had a five-hour plan, and I lasted all of ten minutes before I ruined that. A relationship with an unstable foundation like this can’t last—it has to crumble eventually.
21
Let’s Talk about Donuts, Baby
“Joshiscarryingthenext baby. I’m freaking five months along, and this baby is already half the size of me.” Clare slowly lowers herself on the faded floral-patterned couch in my parents’ living room, resting her swollen feet on the ottoman.
