I don’t know how to comfort her, and I hate that. If she were here, I’d sweep her into my arms and kiss away her tears, hold her until the sobs subside. But she’s hysterical and thousands of miles away. I drop my tool kit in the mud room, dump the warm water from my bottle, and grab a fresh one from the fridge before heading for my bedroom. I need to get out of these dusty clothes. I prop my phone on a shelfin my closet as I strip, methodically swapping out grimy, worked-in clothing for fresh, clean items.
“I’ve got you, baby girl,” I whisper. I wish I could hold her right now. My beautiful angel is sobbing on the floor of her apartment, eyes swollen from crying. She dropped her phone a little while ago, a dullthunkechoing through the speakers, and all I’ve been able to see for the last five minutes is her knee, in the corner, and her ceiling light. A little of her hair dances into the shot as she moves her head every once in a while.
“He just—I—”
“I know, Ruth, I know. Just take a breath for me, honey.”
“They fucking lied to me, Ev.” She picks up the phone and my heart breaks at the sight of her—drowning in a sweater she must have stolen from my dresser, no makeup, face red and blotchy from tears. “They lied to me.”
“You don’t deserve that.”
“How can I trust them again?”
“You will, baby girl. You’ll figure this out. I know you will.”
“I told Katy everything.Everything, Ev. I told her everything, for the last fifteen fucking years of my life, and she fucking did the one thing I asked her not to do. With the one fucking person I asked her not to do it with.”
“It’s pretty shitty of her,” I agree. The lying is shitty, but is a relationship really so bad? I can’t agree with Ruth on that. How can I begrudge anyone feeling the way I feel, like I’m flying, when Ruth is with me? “But maybe she was right, too, honey. Maybe she’s in love with him.”
What she says next almost has me on my knees. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt my heart break so hard.
“I’m just so scared I might lose him.” It comes out in a whisper, followed by a fresh flood of tears, and I pat my pocket for my wallet. I have a credit card in there, one I’ve never used. And fuck, it’s so tempting to hand it over right now and buy myself a ticket to London. Because one more second of seeing Ruth so fucking broken is going to break me too.
“You won’t lose him, baby girl,” I soothe. “You’ll never lose him. He’s your brother, and he loves you.”
“My brother, who lied to me. Who’s had his heart broken before. Who almost got blown up and fucking killed. I can’t do that again, Ev. I can’t do it again.”
Her sobs are breaking my fucking heart. I hold my phone with one hand and drag my duffel bag from my closet with the other, tossing handfuls of underwear, socks and shirts into it. In goes a pair of jeans and two flannel shirts. A pair of sweatpants. Two pairs of pyjama pants. Is it cold enough in London for a sweater?
“And you won’t have to, honey. He’s home. He’s safe. He’s loved and he’s happy—isn’t that what you wanted for him all along?”
“It just feels like everything is falling apart. Everything is slipping out of my control, and…”
I feel helpless. Her cries are breaking me in two. All I want to do is hold her, but she’s five thousand fucking miles away, and it’s getting really fucking hard to love her over the phone. I want to love her in person. For real. For my whole damn life. I blink slow, holding my eyes closed for just a second longer than normal.
“Honey… maybe you don’thaveto control everything. Let others worry about themselves for a little while.”
“I just…”
“I know, honey. I know.”
“I miss you so much. And now this, and Mum and Dad want to sell the shops, did I tell you that? And you’re in Texas doing whatever it is you’re doing without me, and Bethany is circling like a fucking vulture, and…”
If hearts could shatter, mine would be in thousands of shards, glittering under the spotlights of my closet right now. I don’t know how to make Ruth understand that Bethany isn’t a threat. That she’s barely even a blip on my radar. That the only woman I ever want for the rest of my life isher. But before I can say a word, she presses on.
“Whatareyou doing?” She sniffles, squinting at me through the screen. She uses the back of her hand to rub at her puffy eyes.
“Right now? Packing,” I say smoothly. “I can’t watch you cry over FaceTime, Ruth. I’m catching the first flight out of here.”
“Don’t,” she says hurriedly. “Don’t do that. You have the ranch, and all the work for the campsite… you’re breaking ground this week, right? Ev, you need to be there.”
“Ruth…” I sigh. She’s not wrong. We are breaking ground, and I do need to be here. But I need to be with her more. The more time that passes, the more we talk on the phone for longer each night, the more I just sit and listen to her breathe, the more I whisper filthy words and watch her come undone through the screen, the more I fall for her. The more I need her. The more I can’t quite get my brain or my body to cooperate, to function fully without her.
Quite frankly, I’ve fallen head over my fucking boots for Ruth Bevan, and there’s not a damn thing in the world that can stop me from loving her until my very last breath.
“Ev. I’ll be okay.” She sniffs, and I see a pair of fresh tears tracking their way down her cheeks. I don’t believe her for a second. “Really.”
“I’ll be there, Ruth. If you need me, there’s nowhere else I’ll be.”
