I beeline straight for the shower when I get home. I feel like I haven’t slept for days—and I definitely haven’t had a proper shower since the post-flight rinse after I got home from Austin. I take my time to shave and exfoliate, and by the time I emerge, I feel like a whole new woman. Almost. I’ve just finished blow-drying my hair when there’s an insistent buzzing from the door intercom. Katy’s face fills the small screen, glistening with a thin sheen of sweat, and I press the door release button without a word.
By the time she gets to me, I’m standing in the doorway of my flat. It’s cold in the hallway, and I wrap my arms around myself for warmth. I want to make a snarky comment about letting the cold in as Katy trudges slowly up the last few steps, but I don’t think we’re there yet. She’s still in the same leggings and sports bra she was in when I saw her earlier, which isn’t unusual—she often dresses in lounge or athleticwear for comfort. But her trainers and her pink face tell me she’s run all the way here. I take a moment to take her in before stepping aside wordlessly. The tornado of thoughts still swirls through my head, and instead of putting my enormous feet in my mouth again, I choose silence as the safest option.
Katy drops onto the edge of my sofa, sitting like an awkward guest. She’s never been awkward in my home. I hate this. I want to rewind time, give myself a good talking to, completely change the way I reacted to the news. I want tonotbe a massive bitch who runs her mouth without thinking and ruins one of the best things in her life.
“You love him,” I say. It’s not a question. Almost like clockwork, like I could’ve predicted it, a tear spills from Katy’s big brown eyes and makes its way down her face.
“I really do, Roo. I’m sorry I—”
“Please don’t.” I interrupt her with a whisper, holding up my hand and showing her my open palm. I don’t need to know the nitty gritty of it. I don’t want to. I just want my best friend and my brother back. “I don’t need details. I don’t need apologies. I just—promise me you’ll take care of him, K.”
Fuck, please look after him. There’s no one in the world more special to me than my big brother. Not my parents, not my best friends, maybe not even Everett. Jay has been with me since day one. He’s been my guardian angel, my friend, my guide.
I never told anyone how scared I was when I heard about his injury. I never told a soul how I trashed my flat that night, before drinking an entire bottle of tequila, so angry at the world, so terrified of losing him. So desperately sad for his best friend’s family, but so selfishly grateful that my brother had survived what Caleb didn’t. I drank until I made myself sick, and then I laid in bed for two days and turned off my phone, unable to speak to a single soul. I didn’t even tell my bestfriends about his injury until two days later, when I emerged from my pity party.
“With everything I have, Roo. I promise.” We both sniff loudly as I pitch forward, landing on my knees in front of her. I fling my arms around my best friend, and she slides down to meet me on the area rug, wrapping me in her arms and burying her face in my hair. Her ponytail tickles at my nose as I squeeze her tightly, and I take several deep breaths, seeking comfort in the familiar orange of her perfume, before I whisper, “I’m sorry, Katy.”
“I know, Roo. Me too.”
Chapter thirty-three
Ruth
Katy and Jay joinedAmie, Cam, and Paloma at my place for fancy nugs a few days after Katy and I made up. A couple of nights after that, we all went out for our regular girls’ night—with Cam and Jay gatecrashing the party. And then we all went out for food together last night, so it’s not like we haven’t talked since clearing the air after our fight.
But we’re overdue a good catch up, so I show up at Katy’s house exactly on time, only for the front door to swing open before I have a chance to knock. Jay’s hand drops from the door to Katy’s hair, slipping down to her neck as he captures her mouth in a kiss.
My brother is lighter and happier than I’ve ever seen him in all of my thirty-two years, and a devastating pang of sadness settles in my belly. I missed out on this—on his happiness. I vilified him for it. I hurt two of the people I love most in the whole world, and I missed out on their joy because I can’t keep my own life from falling apart. Because the career I wanted is turning into something I hate, and the man I love is thousands of miles away. Because it hurts, and it feels like I’m losing my grip on just about everything.
Right this minute, my brother has one hand on Katy’s hip and the other wrapped around the side of her throat, cupping her jaw as he kisses her. It’s a moment that feels entirely too intimate to intrudeupon, as they pull apart and he whispers something that has her blushing and laughing as their foreheads rest together.
It’s almost like they’ve forgotten I’m stood here, just outside Katy’s front door, ready for a morning with my best friend. I’ve missed her so much—more than I ever imagined. Amie hit the nail on the head when she said Katy was the other half of her soul a few weeks ago. Everett is my love, and my heart, but Katy—and Amie and Paloma, too—they’re just as much my soulmates as he is.
I clear my throat softly to remind them I’m stood here.
“Jay, I’m okay with you banging my best friend but can you please keep your tongue out of her mouth until you’re alone?”
My brother offers me a one-fingered salute, locking lips with my best friend on her doorstep one more time before turning and leaving the house. Katy stands just inside the still-open door, swaying slightly, and she presses her fingertips to the goofy smile on her lips.
“Jesus, you really are in deep for him,” I comment wryly. Her face snaps to mine, eyes no longer soft and happy but anxious.
“I love him, Roo,” she says quietly as she closes the door with a soft click. “I know you don’t understand it, but it—it just happened between us. I love him.”
“I know,” I say softly. “I see it, Katy. He loves you, too. I just want you both to be happy.”
“He makes me happy,” she says with a sniff, blinking hard against tears. I lurch forward and pull her into a hug.
“Good. Because mark my words, if he ever stops, Iwillkill him.”
“If he ever stops, I’d let you.”
I snort, clapping a hand over my mouth, and head for the kitchen, with Katy trailing behind me.
“Coffee? Or wine?”
“It’s not even lunch time, Sweet Thing.”
“We’ve got alotto catch up on,” she says, pulling mugs from a cupboard and sliding them beneath her coffee machine. With the touch of a button, the machine comes to life, spluttering and bubbling noisily before the rich aroma of hot coffee fills the small space. I grab a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc from the fridge and two of Katy’s stemless glasses from an open shelf.
