I stare at my hands. They’re the only things not boring into me with disappointment right now. Lo’s sadness, Katy’s betrayal, Amie’s anger. I deserve it all, and more. But there’s one voice I haven’t heard yet. I extricate my fingers from Everett’s and shove my stool back, wincing at the screeching noise as it scrapes against the hard tile floor. Outside on the deck, I spot my brother pacing, hands behind his head. I push past Cam and hop down the steps, barefoot.
“Jay.”
“Don’t say a fucking word, Ruth.”
“Jay, come on.”
“I mean it. I can’t talk to you right now.”
I grab his elbow and spin him around, forcing him to look at me. His face is like thunder, his brow furrowed, storms swirling in his eyes. A few steps away, Pup stands as tall as he can, sensing the unsettled emotions.
“What the fuck have you done, Ruth?” he asks quietly. The barest hint of a dry chuckle punctuates his question. “Do you even know the guy?”
“Yes, I know him,” I insist. “I love him.”
“Really? Because none of us know him. None of us have even fucking met him before. Your best friend gets engaged and—what, you have to one-up her? What the fuck is going on, Ruth? This isn’t you. You’re not like this.”
I hadn’t even thought about it like that. My stomach twists and my mouth feels warm. I might throw up.
“Maybe you don’t know what I’m like at all,” I whisper. Jay laughs. It’s harsh, mean, belittling. The anger in his eyes becomes maniacal.
“I know you better than anyone, Ruth. You know I do. You don’t go off and marry the first cowboy you meet. That’s notyou. Does he even know you? What the fuck is going on? Is this because we—me and Katy—we didn’t tell you?”
“Jesus Christ, Jay, not everything is about you!” I yell. “Everett loves me. He lovesme, Jay, is that so fucking hard to believe? That someone might actuallylove me?”
He exhales heavily, running a hand down the back of his head to his neck and turning away, before turning back to me.
“I love him,” I whisper. “And I married him because Iwantedto. Because I love him. I want to be with him. And he loves me.”
“Ruth…”
“No, Jay, you don’t get to do this. Come and talk to me when you’re ready to be less of a fucking prick.”
I turn back towards the house to see Everett on the steps. Before I can run to him, Jay crosses the garden in a few long strides, rears back, and slams his fist into Everett’s nose. Everett stumbles and sways but stays on his feet, cradling his bleeding face with both hands.
“I deserved that,” he mumbles through a mouthful of blood as Cam rushes to his side. “I’ll give you that hit.” Jay scowls as he storms back inside, Pup hot on his heels. An ice block appears from somewhere and Everett presses it to his face, hurrying down the steps towards me and wrapping me up in his free arm.
“Are you okay?”
“Della’s done worse to me muckin’ out her stall. Don’t you worry about me, baby girl.” The arm around my shoulders squeezes me into his chest. I’m surrounded by his scent and it feels like I can finally breathe again. My friends gather together on the steps outside the house, and I glance up at them before Everett calls my eyes back to him.
“They’ll be okay. They’ll come around. They love you. And I love you, Ruth. Don’t ever forget that, okay? No matter what, you have me. All of me. For all my life.”
I stretch up on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek, mindful of his injured nose and the icepack.
“I love you, Cowboy.”
Everett squeezes me into his side, dropping his head to press a careful kiss into my hair with the uninjured side of his face.
“Come on,” he says. “Let’s get inside. It’s too fucking hot out here, and you can’t make up with your friends if you’re avoiding them.”
I huff out a breath, then take his hand and lead him back to the house. Everyone has dispersed and breakfast has been cleared away, save for two foil-wrapped plates and a pot of coffee mid-brew. There’s a folded piece of paper with my name scrawled on it sitting on top of two clean mugs.
I don’t understand, but I love you. K xo
Tears sting at my eyes as I refold the note carefully. Everett unwraps the plates and microwaves the food while I pour coffee. Maisy’s shrieks of laughter travel through the house, followed by thundering footsteps as she and Cam run amok. In the next room, the TV murmurs quietly, and I peek through the door to see Amie in Lo’s arms, and Katy in Jay’s, with Pup laying at their feet. Jay has an ice pack pressed to his knuckles.
“We fucked up, Ev,” I whisper. “I fucked up. I keep fucking up. And I don’t know how to fix it.”
