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Or so I think.
Because just when I’m opening up my mouth to greet her, she looks right past me to Finn and grins.
“Hey, Dad,” she says. “What are you doing here?”
My stomach plummets down to my feet. My heart goes along with it. I feel sick.
What did she just say?
I must have heard it wrong, right?
“Hey, honey,” Finn says beside me, his voice tight with tension. “There you are.”
I don’t know what’s happening. My thoughts are colliding with each other in my head, my knees have gone weak, and my stomach is just roiling. All the expensive food we just ate is threatening to make a reappearance. What should I do? Why isn’t Alex mad yet? Has she not put two and two together?
“Were you looking for me?” she asks, going up and kissing her Dad on the cheek. The same Dad that I… also… just… kissed…
And, oh no, everything is starting to fall into place inside my head. It’s all starting to make sense. Finn was clearly working at the gallery event, but I just assumed he was an art dealer or someone trying to schmooze some clients. I never actually asked what he did, and he never told me. I should have thought about the fact that Alex told me her Dad owned the gallery. She never got the chance to introduce me to him before it all happened, and I never thought…
Oh, God. Lexie. He called his daughter Lexie. That’s why I didn’t get it. I’ve always just known her as Alex.
“Yes, I thought I’d come and visit and see if you were alright,” Finn says, glancing sideways at me. “I couldn’t remember where your room was, though. You know how it is, I spend so much time dealing with addresses and getting things sent around the country, it all gets mixed up.”
“And you just happened to bump into my roommate on the way back from her date,” Alex enthused. “Thanks for grabbing him for me, Can-Can. How was your date?”
“Can-Can…” Finn murmurs beside me. He must be having the same thought process as me. Of course, when Alex told him she was bringing a friend to the exhibition party, he probably just knew me as Can-Can. That’s how she introduces me to everyone – I’m always having to correct them to my actual name afterward.
Oh, God.
“It went great,” I say, through flaming cheeks and gritted teeth, absolutely sure that she must be able to see through me.
“Awesome!” Alex says, grabbing my arm. “Come on, we’ll all walk back together, and you can tell me about it.”
“I should go, then,” Finn says, backing away. “I don’t want to interrupt your girl time.”
“No, Dad,” Alex spins around and pouts at him. “You just got here.”
“It’s alright,” he shrugs. “I just wanted to make a flying visit anyway. Now I’ve seen you, that’s enough for me. Let me know if you need me to pick anything up for you this week.”
“I will,” Alex says. “Alright. See you later, Dad.”
And he turns to walk away, giving me one last glance over his shoulder as I do the same before Alex pulls me towards our dorm and starts asking me questions that I don’t know how to answer.
Chapter Fourteen
Finn
There was nothing I could do but leave. How could I stay and talk to Lexie, and pretend I’d only just met Candy, given what we’d been doing tonight?
The feel of that kiss lingers on my lips. I don’t want it to be the last, but doesn’t it feel like it’s wrong now? My daughter’s best friend – the same age as her. It feels like I’m betraying Lexie.
I should have thought of this possibility before. Can-Can and Candy – how could I have been so dense? I thought of it as some silly nickname that Lexie had come up with, and never even put the two together. Maybe I haven’t been paying enough attention to my daughter. Surely, I should have met her college roommate before now, or at least learned her real name.
But it’s done, and there’s no use in thinking any more about it now. I sit in the car in the parking lot and write out a text to Candy, telling her I didn’t know and apologizing. I think about adding in some assurance or question – like asking her what we should do now – but I don’t. I just send it as it is, an apology. I need time to think about the rest.
I start to drive home, my hands on the steering wheel knowing the way so that my brain doesn’t have to think about it – which is a blessing because I’m not entirely sure how much conscious thought I’m capable of right now. Everything goes around in my head: Candy, that kiss, watching her eat, her hips in that dress, my daughter, college, the age gap, everything. She said she didn’t mind before. But now? Surely she would have to mind now?
