AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It hadn’t taken his father very long to go through the inheritance, wasting it away on cards and women. William supposed he had only one thing to be grateful to his father for—marrying his stepmother.
“Nearly two years after, he met Lady Lily, the daughter of the Duke of Brandon. She, for some reason I fail to see, fell in love with my father and he saw an opportunity and took it. I could not believe how much luck such a horrible man had, how he managed to not only secure himself new wealth, but also secured the Prince Regent’s blessing to have the Dukedom reverted to him. He didn’t deserve any of it, but I could do nothing but watch as he grew more prestigious before my very eyes, hating him every second.”
Now, it felt as if bile would rise in his throat if he dared to eat anymore. William set his bowl down and leaned back, taking in a deep shuddering breath. When he met Elizabeth’s pitying eyes, he felt himself fall apart when he’d been so desperately trying to hold himself together.
“She was the one who brought me back to myself…somewhat. It took me a while to warm up to her, but she was always gentle with me, never pushing me to do or say anything I was not comfortable with. I soon realized she was far too angelic to be married to such a man, but she was blinded by her love. As I grew more comfortable with her, I told her all that happened, how it tore at me to have caused my grandfather’s tragic ending. I told her about the nightmares that plagued me for the previous two years, and how I could not outlive that night no matter how much I tried. She took pity on me, and suggested that I get away from this environment in order to properly heal. She told me she would send me to Africa, if I so wished. It never occurred to me until then that leaving England might help with my guilt and grief, and so I grabbed the opportunity, wanting to get away from my father just as badly.”
Elizabeth licked her lips. With a slightly trembling hand, she rested her cup back onto the table. Her eyes shone with unshed tears when she returned her gaze to him. “Is that why you left me behind?” she asked softly.
William felt a lump form in his throat, waves of emotions seizing him at once. Above them all was his remorse for his foolish actions of the past, for letting such weak yet overbearing emotions such as hatred take control of him. He hadn’t regretted it, had believed that it had formed him into the man he was today. But looking into Elizabeth’s eyes, he realized just how much he’d lost in the interim.
He swallowed, trying to maintain his composure. “I couldn’t bear to see you any longer. From the day they put my mother in the earth, to when my grandfather passed away, I—I couldn’t bear to look you in the eye. I just…”
Elizabeth blinked, the only indication that she was moved by his words. The rest of her body remained completely still, as if she was trying her hardest not to break. William felt himself doing the exact same and so he turned his gaze unseeingly towards the window.
“You were the first woman I’ve ever loved,” he went on. “The only woman I’ve ever loved. You were so vivacious, so beautiful in every way. You loved life and everything it had to offer. But I’d become someone you wouldn’t have recognized. I was afraid of what you would see when you noticed all the demons I hide underneath.”
“I understand, William,” she told him, a soft yet sad smile appearing on her lips. “Perhaps a bit cowardly but…”
William looked sharply at her, his heart seizing in his chest when he heard the mixture of laughter and tears in her voice. Sure enough, they streamed unhindered down her face, but her gaze was fierce, not moving away from his face for a second. He didn’t know what to say in that moment but then he huffed a mirthless laugh.
“An apt description of me then and now,” he agreed with a nod, wishing he had the strength to laugh. “I’d asked my step-mother to keep abreast of your wellbeing, but there was not much she could learn considering you’d already left for the countryside.”
“Yes,” Elizabeth said softly. “Father knew how much I enjoyed the countryside manor and thought it would help improve my spirits after my mother’s passing. It certainly didn’t help much, however.”
It was hard to see if she was upset with him or simply upset in general. William watched as she reached for her teacup again, her hands steady this time. She’d wiped her face free of her tears and now she looked oddly…calm. His guilt deepened.
