“May I?” He gestured toward the chair across from her, and years of etiquette training made her nod and respond politely.
“My apologies, My Lord. Please, be seated. Shall I send for something for you to drink?” But the words were automatic, when all she really wanted was for him to get to the point of the matter.
“I require nothing, Your Grace,” he replied and thankfully for her nerves, continued immediately on their conversation. “Mathew does not wish to see you, my dear,” he continued.
“But… he must. We must talk about this. The fight that we had… it is not the end of things. It does not need to be the end of things,” she replied.
“I am afraid that Matthew believes that it is. And he does not wish to see you again so that he wouldn’t be reminded of it.”
“It will only take a few minutes. I am certain that I can change his mind. That I can make him see,” she insisted, but his uncle continued to give her that sad, gentle look and shook his head.
“He refuses to see reason. I have tried to talk some sense into him. As have his cousins. But he will not listen to any of us.”
The thought that his beloved uncle and even his cousins, who he clearly adored, could not make him speak to her or even stand in the same room as her… it was too much, and she felt her resolve shattering.
“We can figure this out. I am sure that we can. I only need time, that is all. I will come to terms with it all. I will. To be a mother… Icando it, and if it is so important to him, then I will,” she insisted, though she was barely holding back her tears now.
“I am sorry, my dear,” the man repeated with a gentle shake of his head.
“This cannot be the end.”
She stubbornly clung to that, but with every word from his uncle, it seemed that perhaps thiswasthe end.
“My dear, what you are offering to do, to become a mother against your better judgment, is admirable. And I greatly wish for a positive resolution for you and my nephew. However, it is a great sacrifice that you are willing to make. To become a mother… to birth a child… I witnessed my own wife go through the pain of childbirth twice. I could hear her pain through the house as she brought them into this world, and I admired her greatly for the suffering she endured. But she chose to be a mother. Shewishedto be a mother. For someone who does not wish it… the very idea…”
“But I can do it. I know that I can. I need only a little time to talk to him and resolve it in my mind. Much like he has with the parties,” she insisted.
“Dear, having children is a great deal of pain. A great deal of trouble. It is something that no woman should be forced to endure if she does not wish it. And it is clear from what Matthew has told us that you do not wish it.”
“But I could… I could do it. Iwoulddo it. For him.” Shecoulddo it, couldn’t she? She tried to resolve the idea in her mind, to consider the idea of having her own children … with Mathew … Yes. Yes, she could do this. She could do this for him if it was so important. If it was the way that she could keep him.
The Marquess again shook his head. “It is not only the pain of childbirth that you must contend with, child. It isalso the hardship of raising children. Of becoming a mother before anything else. Of losing yourself in the process of being everything for them.”
It was the one thing that Diana feared above everything else about having children. It was not the pain of it. Of that she was well aware. Had she not been near when her own mother brought her sisters into this world? She had been a child herself then, but even still she had known there was pain.
No, it was the fear of losing who she was. And everything that mattered to her. That was what she truly feared.
But then… she also feared losing Matthew. And for once, she realized, the fear of losing herself to motherhood paled in comparison to her fear of losing something else, her husband.
“I can’t lose him. Not like this,” she insisted yet again, her voice cracking.
“My dear, you’ve already lost him. He’s already decided that he’s done, and he does not want to be reminded of this farce of a marriage anymore. He does not wish to discuss this again, or even to see you again. He would divorce you if it would not invite cruel gossip upon him, and after everything he has been through, he does not deserve that.”
“My dear, you’ve lost him already. He has already decided that he is finished and that he does not wish to see you again. He does not wish to discuss it. He does not wish to even think on it again. My nephew is quite stubborn when he chooses to be, as youwell know. And on this …” he sighed, “there seems to be nothing further that can be done to change his mind.”
“Please, there must be something you can do. I know that he trusts you and he thinks very highly of you. You’re the most important person to him in the world. If you tell him to just give me a chance to put things right—” She was practically begging now but she did not care. She would do anything to make things better.
“I have tried, dear. John has tried. Isabelle has tried. He does not wish to listen to us. He insisted that I come here and tell you to leave. Your maid is to go with you, but he will have someone pack up all of your things, and have it returned to you.”
“I can pack everything up myself,” she replied with a forlorn expression.
“There are things that need to be taken care of today, and Matthew does not want you to be here when he returns. He would prefer that you leave immediately and has said that you may use his carriage. But he would like you to go now.”
“I-I can’t believe he would send me away without even seeing me again… I can’t—this can’t be it,” she repeated.
The Marquess simply looked at her with that sad expression again. “I’m sorry, my dear,” he said, but then he turned around and walked out of the room.
Diana was left alone with Margaret.
