She smiled sadly at Emily. “I had a lot of dreams. At one point, I wanted to be a world-famous swordswoman, and at another a pirate. I wanted to travel the world. To have adventures.”
“You still could.” Emily looked at Jane, concern in her eyes.
“I could not. Especially not when I am married. I doubt my husband would be willing to let me do such a thing. Besides, that dreaming nature is what got me into this mess in the first place.” Jane looked away.
“What do you mean?” her sister asked, clearly confused.
“It is nothing.” Jane tried to shrug it off.
“No, tell me.” Emily’s voice was firm.
Jane gestured vaguely, trying to sound nonchalant. “Do not worry, I should not have said anything.”
“Jane, if you do not tell me, I will beat you with a pillow until you do. Do not think that I will not.” Emily raised a pillow threateningly.
“You would not dare.”
Emily hit her with the pillow, and Jane let out a yelp. She batted at her sister, laughing as Emily tried to hit her again.
Jane held up her hands in surrender. “Fine. I only mean… Well, my entire first Season, I was in Olivia’s shadow, and even when I was not, people were constantly telling me I was too much.”
“Then they were not worth talking to,” Emily said dismissively.
A surge of affection rushed through Jane.
If only everyone thought I was lovely just the way I am, Sister Dearest. I hope you always see the best in people.
She squeezed Emily’s hand and said sadly, “Every man in the ton cannot be like that.”
“How do you know every man in the ton thinks you are too much? Have you talked toeveryman?” Emily folded her arms across her chest, a particularly petulant look in her eyes.
“Well, no, but I have spoken to enough of them.” Jane scowled.
“What does Mother always say?” Emily asked.
“It is a numbers game.” Jane sighed. “But I am tired of playing it. I just want to be married to a nice enough man, have some children, and live my life. Is that so much to ask?”
“But—” Emily began, but Jane cut her off.
“There is no ‘but’, Emily. It is my life, and this is what I have decided.” Jane sighed and held her sister’s hand. “You keep saying I am more myself than I have ever been, and you are right. I feel free. Lighter. Though my interactions with the Duke are frustrating, there is… It has been nice to return to things I have let fall away. To feel as though I am discovering some long-forgotten part of me. Though, perhaps that has more to do with not worrying about finding love.”
“What do you mean?” her sister asked.
“I mean I do not have to win anyone’s approval. To constantly watch my step. Father is finding me a suitable man to marry, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” Even as she said the words, Jane could feel the relief wash over her. “I can just do things because I simply want to.”
“When was the last time you did something just for yourself?”
Blake’s words echoed in her mind.
“I see,” her sister said after a moment, an odd look crossing her face. “You do not think someone could love you for who you are?”
“Do you?” Jane asked.
“Of course, I do. But it does not matter what I think, only that you are happy.” Emily smiled kindly.
“I am… happy. Though I had not expected to be.” Jane returned her sister’s smile.
There was a pause while Emily looked thoughtful. Jane noticed her sister chewing on her bottom lip, a look that usually meant she was mulling something over.
