“He is dead, Blake. You have already won,” his mother said firmly.
“Not if I do what he most wanted. I will not marry, and I will not have children. The line will die with me, and I shall die happy, knowing that I have denied him his greatest desire.” Blake moved away from his mother, slipping out of her grasp.
They lapsed into silence. He could feel her worried eyes on him.
How can I make her understand?
He shook his head and sighed. He forced himself to smile and hugged his mother again, saying, “But come, surely you did not come here to talk about my late father?”
“No, I did not,” she admitted, the worried look still etched on her face.
“I can see that you are worried, Mother, but you have nothing to worry about. I am happy, healthy, and living the life I want. Surely that is all there is to want?” He squeezed her hand reassuringly.
“If that is true, then so be it. But think on what I have said. The dead are dead and cannot feel pain.Youcan.” She squeezed his hand back. “Make sure it is not needless.”
They lapsed into silence and continued their walk through the garden, talking about trivial things. The ghost of his father seemed to follow them, and as he escorted his stepmother to her carriage, she seemed sad.
“I love you, my darling boy.” She hugged him. “And I will see you again soon. After all, you know I love a good wedding.”
“I love you too, Mother.” Blake embraced her.
As he watched the carriage trundle away, he replayed her words.
“Make sure it is not needless.”
His vow was not needless. It was both a punishment to his father and a way of keeping the world safe.
Besides, it does not cause me pain because I do not want to be married.
He repeated that he did not want to be married over and over in his head, but each repetition felt more hollow than the last.
ChapterNineteen
Alone With Your Thoughts
You know what it was. What it is.
Blake’s words echoed in Jane’s mind as she walked around the library of the castle. She shook herself, trying to clear her thoughts. She could still smell his familiar orange blossom and sandalwood scent, and as she recalled their conversation, she felt an unnerving sensation in the pit of her stomach.
“You are being rather ridiculous,” she murmured. “You know exactly who he is, what his life was like before. What exactly do you think you’re playing at, Jane?”
She absentmindedly ran a hand along the spines of the books on the shelves, half paying attention to the titles.
“There you are, Jane. I have been looking everywhere for you!” Cressida’s voice rang out from behind her, pulling her back to the present.
“Have you?” Jane frowned at her friend.
“Of course, I have. We have the third reading of the Banns today, or have you forgotten?” Cressida frowned at her.
Jane flushed. “I have not, actually. That is, in fact, why I am here.”
Cressida asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, promise you will not tell anyone.” Jane glanced around, making sure that no one had followed Cressida into the room.
“Jane, we have been friends since we were girls. Any secret you have I will keep.” Cressida gave her a curious look.
“Well, you know that I am rather used to the ministrations of Vicar Wimpleton at home, and I find that Reverand Wolsley is, well… He is rather an adjustment.” Jane bit her lip, stopping herself from saying anything too rude.
