How had their conversation taken such a turn?
“I am simply pointing out that it is rather strange that you are so invested in my moral stance on kissing when I would assume you have no interest in kissing me.” Jane scowled, and Blake could see a brittleness in her stance.
Her cheeks were still a deep scarlet, and with her arms wrapped around herself, she looked impossibly small and vulnerable. Blake almost made to move towards her, but he stopped himself just in time.
“Do you wish me to kiss you?” Blake asked, trying to keep his voice light and teasing, feeling an odd tug in his chest as he said so.
“That is not what I said.” Impressively, Jane turned an even deeper shade of scarlet. “I was simply pointing out that you seem to have rather a vested interest in my understanding of the moralities around kissing.”
“Then why bring up the subject of my kissing you?” Blake canted his head, still trying to get himself on firmer ground.
“You are the one who brought up kissing,” she replied.
“You are the one who was reading about kissing.” He took a steadying breath. “You need not be embarrassed, you know. While reading another book in church may not be the most pious thing, it is hardly less problematic than falling asleep during the reading of your own banns. As Glassbury did.”
He noticed the corner of Jane’s mouth quirk upwards, not quite a smile. Yet, she shook her head. “Yes, but that does not make what I did acceptable or right. I mean…”
“You are making this out to be some kind of utterly immoral passage worthy of some brothel.” Blake smiled. “All it was, was a kiss.”
“To some of us—most of us, I would imagine—a kiss has meaning.” An unreadable expression crossed Jane’s face. Her eyes met his, narrowing into the scowl that was all too familiar.
“And you think a kiss does not have meaning to me?” Blake moved towards her without thinking.
“How can a kiss have meaning to one who gives it away so freely?” Jane laughed, an odd bitterness in her voice as she took a step back.
Blake felt oddly defensive. “And how do you know I give kisses away freely? What proof do you have?”
What the hell am I doing?
She scoffed. “Isn’t your reputation proof enough? Isn’t the fact that you are here, trying to convince me that a kiss is not some horribly significant thing, proof enough?”
Blake let out a growl of frustration, stopping himself from taking a step towards her as he ran a hand through his hair. He glanced around them and shook his head.
After a moment, he said, “I am only trying to tell you that a kiss is not some evil thing to be feared and ashamed of. It is perfectly natural to be curious about such things. To read of such things. You do not need to be embarrassed.”
“What would a rake know of such things? What consequences have you ever faced for kissing someone?”
“Besides your anger?” Blake asked without thinking. “And for a kiss that never happened.”
Jane flushed. “My anger is hardly a life-changing consequence.”
“You have not been on the receiving end of such displeasure.”
“What I am saying is that if kisses were meaningless, then it would not matter if one kissed someone that they did not intend on proposing to and marrying. Yet, that is not the world we live in. Or at least, it is not the worldIlive in.”
“I know that a kiss has meaning. I did not say that all kissing is meaningless.” Blake was only too aware of how dangerous a kiss could be, of how much damage a kiss could do. “I know that Society is all too happy to bind people to one another for the rest of their lives for such a transgression. All I said was that it is not some evil thing to be feared and ashamed of.”
Blake sighed and shook his head. “All you did was read about a kiss. It is hardly like you kissed anyone.”
“That is not the point. I… I should not have read about such a thing.” She turned away, her voice small and soft, her cheeks still a deep shade of scarlet.
“Why not? Why not read about something as harmless as a kiss, especially when more than half the ton has read far, far more lewd novels? Almost everyone has readRemedia Amoris. The ton love to claim a love of propriety, especially in public, but what they do in the privacy of their homes…” He struggled to keep the contempt and anger from his voice.
He forced himself to unclench his fists, to not think of his father. Of all the times the man had lectured him on propriety, only for Blake to discover just how hypocritical the man had been when he had discovered his infidelity. Betraying his wife was bad enough, but to do so with a maid, someone under his control—that was despicable.
They are all like him. Well, not all, but enough of the dratted ton are.
Jane surveyed him questioningly, her tone even and cool as she said, “What they do in private is their right. Are we not all different when we are in the safety of our homes?”
