Nathan saw him at once, and he had barely raised a hand in greeting when his expression darkened, clearly reading the agony on James’s face.
“Good God, man, what happened?” Nathan asked, jumping to his feet and hurrying towards him.
“Private room. Scotch. Now,” James said through gritted teeth.
Nathan didn’t need to be told twice. He motioned to a waiter and then pulled James out of the room and down a corridor lined with private rooms that gentlemen used to discuss business and play cards.
Nathan opened the first door on the right, ushered James inside, and shut the door quickly. James sank onto the nearest sofa and put his head in his hands. Hurt and disappointment were radiating off him in waves. He’d never experienced such intense and overwhelming… grief?
It reminded him of how he’d felt when his mother had died. But no one had died. Violet was still alive.
But she’s dead to you now. You’ve lost her.
“What happened?” Nathan asked, sitting down across from him and putting a soothing hand on his shoulder. “Did you speak to Violet?”
James looked up, and he was embarrassed to realize that there were tears on his cheeks. He had never cried in front of a man in his life. The only woman he’d cried in front of was his mother, and only when he was a small boy.
“She asked for an annulment,” he whispered.
“What?!” Nathan gaped at him. “But you were going to have a romantic dinner tonight! You said things felt different!”
“They did,” James said. “And then she came into my study this afternoon, and everything was off. She was cold and distant, and she said she couldn’t agree with my terms anymore. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted to be a mother, but now that she knew, she couldn’t stay married to me.”
Nathan frowned. “But that’s perfect because you have changed your mind about all that! You said today that you were passionate about her, that you wanted to live as man and wife. You said you were going to try!”
“I know,” James muttered, feeling angry and guilty at the same time. “But she said all this before I had a chance to explain myself. She’s made up her mind. She said that even if I said I’d changed my mind, she wouldn’t believe me. I could change my mind again and leave her alone, and by then it would be too late for her to seek an annulment.”
Nathan looked horrified. “James… do you mean to tell me that you heard all of this and didn’t fight for her?”
“Aren’t you listening? She didn’t want me to fight for her! She’d made up her mind.”
“She was clearly asking you to fight for her! This was an invitation!”
“She wasn’t. You weren’t there. She was done with our marriage. Nathan… she brought the annulment papers with her. She had them drawn up by a solicitor, and she’d already signed them.”
This stopped Nathan short, and for a few moments, he looked too stunned to speak.
Then he slammed his fist down on the table. “Then you should have ripped them up, grabbed her, and kissed her! Please, James, tell me that’s what you did! Tell me you did not allow this insanity to continue! Not when you both wanted the same thing!”
“There was nothing I could do!”
Nathan shook his head, his expression both sad and angry. “There was something you could have done. You could have fought for her. But instead, you were too afraid. By rejecting you first, she was confirming all your worst fears about yourself—that you aren’t lovable. And to try and fight for her would havemade you too vulnerable. So instead of being brave and making yourself vulnerable, you gave up.”
James bristled, confusion, anger, and humiliation coursing through him.
“Why are you being so hard on me?” he demanded. “Can’t you see that it was hopeless?”
Before Nathan could answer, a knock sounded at the door, and the waiter entered with a bottle of scotch and two glasses. He set them down on the table between the cousins and then retreated quickly.
James seized the bottle, poured himself two fingers, and downed them.
“I’m not trying to be hard on you,” Nathan said, watching him carefully. “I’m trying to explain to you what I think happened. You could feel her rejecting you, so you defaulted to self-preservation instead of putting your heart further on the line and fighting for her.”
“Maybe,” James said grudgingly. “But she also didn’t fight for me, Nathan. We were supposed to talk today and work it out. Turns out she went to solicitors behind my back and created an exit strategy for herself. Why would I fight for her when she wouldn’t fight for me?”
“Because you love her, you fool!” Nathan shouted, but he didn’t sound angry so much as exasperated. “And that is worth fighting for, even if you make a fool of yourself in the process!”
“That’s all well and good for you to say,” James shot back. “You’ve never been in love! And you’ve never had to sit across from the woman you love as she tells you she wants to annul your marriage. Once you feel what I’ve felt, then you can tell me it’s worth continuing to fight for someone who no longer wants you.”
