“You are forgiven,” she said.
“Thank you.” He gave her a relieved look. “Truly, Grandmama.”
“Psssht.” His grandmother made a dismissive noise. “I confess this explains rather a lot.”
Dominic frowned at her. “What do you mean?”
“I suspected that you were not what you seemed when you both arrived, but I liked Lady Charlotte, and she seemed a good influence on you.” His grandmother gave him a mischievous smile. “Truly, you cannot have thought you would fool me so easily.”
“You knew?” He gaped at her.
“Of course, I knew, foolish boy. You inherited your father’s ability to lie which is to say none whatsoever.” She gave him a frank look.
“I am not that bad a liar.” Dominic could remember very little of his father, but he could remember how easy it was to tell when the man was uttering falsehoods. “I do not change colour when I lie for starters.”
“Do not disagree with your elders. Besides, what I want to know is why you have decided to tell me now. You have both led a rather convincing charade. Indeed, it has only become more convincing the longer you have been here.” His grandmother searched his face as if she could glean the answer there.
Dominic swallowed. “Circumstances have forced my hand. And in truth, even if they had not, I would have wanted to tell you the truth.”
“Why?” she asked.
He took a deep breath.It is time to be truthful.“Because somewhere along the way, I… well… it stopped being pretend, at least for me. And it is important to me that you get to know the truth of things if I am to try and make her a part of this family.”
“You mean to say you care for her?” The Dowager Duchess looked at him, the corners of her lips quirking upwards.
“More than that, Grandmother, I love her.” The words left his mouth before he could stop them, and his chest squeezed uncomfortably. “Goodness but that is rather terrifying to admit. I love her. IloveCharlotte.”
“You say it like it is a bad thing.” His Grandmother canted her head towards him.
“Of course, it is a bad thing! You know what love did to my mother.” He shook his head, the pain and excitement swirling in his chest. “How could I put someone else through that? To put Charlotte through that or indeed myself. I could not bear it, not again.”
“Firstly, Charlotte is not your mother. And secondly it was not love that made your mother act as she did. Or at least not entirely.”
“What else can it have been? She was so in love with father, and when he died, it broke her. How often did I come upon her trying to make herself ill? Or having swallowed laudanum or some other such thing.” All the times he had found his mother coughing her lungs out, throwing herself at sick people, or unconscious on the floor, reeking of laudanum, played as he said it, and he shook.
His grandmother put a gentle hand on his arm, but he could not quite meet her gaze as he said, “Her mind was utterly destroyed by his death. And she spent the rest of her days trying to join him.
“And yet not everyone who is widowed so completely loses themselves. I am not one to speak ill of the dead, but I would have you remember, dear boy, that I have outlived not one butthreehusbands.” His grandmother squeezed his arm and then gently forced him to look at her, a sharp rebuke on her face. “Or do you mean to imply that my love for them was not as deep as the affection your mother had for your father.”
“I… No, of course not.” Dominic shook his head.
“Because let me assure you that I loved each of my husbands with everything that I am. I adored them, and when each man passed, my heart broke. Yet I carried on.” Venus woke at the catch in her voice, ears perking anxiously. Dominic saw the look of pain on his grandmother’s face and realised that she truly had loved each of her three husbands.
It was easy to forget, especially as she had had so many. Besides, he had rarely given his grandmother’s love life a huge amount of thought —after all, she was his grandmother.But perhaps I should have.
The Dowager Duchess Caverton continued speaking, a soft fondness creeping into her voice even as it mingled with pain. “My husbands were each a great love, but the children they gave me… they were just as important. And I would not wish to abandon them.”
“But…” Dominic began, but his grandmother held up a hand to silence him.
She shook her head and said, “There are no ‘buts’ dear boy; love is not something to be feared. I have known great pain, yes, and even greater joy. In all my long life, I would not have shirked loving any of those men.”
“Even if you had known they would die?” Dominic asked, feeling as though there were a vice around his chest.
“Especially if I had known that. It would have made me treasure each moment with them even more than I already did.” The Dowager Duchess gave him a small, sad smile. “Life is far too short to live without love, and it is far, far better to have loved, even for the shortest of time, than to never love at all.”
“I do not want to hurt Charlotte. I could not bear causing her that pain.” Dominic imagined his mother, but this time it was Charlotte, and he felt his heart break again.
“And what makes you think that you will?” his grandmother asked him as Venus gently nuzzled his hand.
