Only once Iris and Violet had both been dropped off at their respective homes, and Nathan and Rosalie were alone in their carriage, did silence finally descend.
Rosalie was sitting across from him, her eyes fixed on his as he sat back in his seat. The tension between them felt taut with all the things they hadn’t said, and Nathan couldn’t help but feel nervous. He didn’t know what was going to happen next, but he knew that whatever it was would shape the rest of his life.
“I haven’t forgiven you yet, you know,” Rosalie said at last. She didn’t sound angry, merely as if she were stating a fact. “It was terrible what you did, pushing me away. And then there are all the things you told me about your father and brother. I need to know the truth. No, I deserve to know the truth.” Now, she sounded more angry, and her eyes glinted with passion. “I am your wife, and I have proved to you that I can handle the worst that life has to throw at us. Now, I need you to tell me the truth, so we can decide, once and for all, where our marriage is going.”
“Rosalie…” Nathan sat forward and looked right at her. “You never needed to prove that to me. The reason I pushed you away wasn’t because I thought you were weak or couldn’t handle difficult things.”
“You thought you needed to protect me from Lord Cain!” She tossed her head contemptuously. “When really, I was the one who brought him to justice!”
“And I’m very proud of you,” he murmured. “And impressed. And while, yes, I thought it was my duty to protect you, that’s not the reason I told you we would no longer be man and wife. I did that to protect myself. I was afraid that I was unworthy of you, and I couldn’t bear for you to realize it and leave me.”
His throat felt tight, and he had to pause in order to collect himself.
In the silence he left, she spoke. “Because of what happened with your brother and father?” she asked. “Is that why you felt unworthy?”
“Yes,” he said, nodding. “But I didn’t kill them. At least, I didn’t pull the proverbial trigger.” He took a deep breath. “My father killed my brother. He set the fire in the West Wing of Carramere Castle when my brother was sleeping.”
“What? Why?!” Rosalie gaped at him in horror.
“Because he discovered my brother wasn’t his biological child.” It was difficult to meet her gaze, but he forced himself to do so. “My mother had an affair. I don’t blame her. My father was a cruel man, and although I don’t know the details of the affair, I hope that she was able to find love and kindness, even briefly, with someone else. But my father always suspected Ethan wasn’t his because they looked nothing alike, and Ethan shared my mother’s gentle temperament. When my father finally got the truth out of my mother, he killed Ethan so that he could be sure his trueborn son became Duke of Carramere.”
“That is the most terrible thing I’ve ever heard,” Rosalie whispered. “I am so, so sorry.”
Nathan nodded in gratitude. As difficult as it was to tell her this story, it wasn’t as hard as he had thought it would be. Now thathe was speaking the words, he actually felt a profound relief. He had been holding it in for so long.
“I only discovered this because my father, one night deep in his cups, told me what had happened. I’m not sure if he even remembers telling me. He was grief-stricken, you see. As much as he hated my brother, he also loved him. He was a complicated man like that. But I knew what I had to do.”
She sucked in her breath and waited.
“I didn’t kill him,” he said at last. “But I let him die. He was always participating in shady, illegal dealings, and I let him go to one that I’d heard was a trap, an ambush. I had men who reported to me, who spied on my father for me, and they assured me that this deal would end badly for my father. But I didn’t tell him. I let him go. He was killed, and shortly after that, my mother died as well.”
To his surprise, she reached out and took his hand. It was warm and soft and sent tingles throughout his body. Her eyes were full of care, and they gave him the courage to keep going.
“I have been alone with my pain for a long time,” he whispered. “Everything has been so twisted up inside of me. I blamed myself for Ethan’s deaths because I didn’t fight hard enough to save him.”
“So, your father really did hold you back?”
“Yes, him and some of his thugs,” he said. “But I’ve always felt I should have tried harder. And then, of course, I blame myself for my father’s death. I could have prevented it. And while I am glad he’s gone, I still feel grief and guilt and anger.”
“Of course, you do,” she said gently. “All of those emotions are valid. He was a terrible man, and he did unforgivable things, but he was still your father.”
“But do you see why I pushed you away?” he asked, staring at her urgently. “Do you see why I felt unworthy?”
Very slowly, she nodded. “We both have spent our lives tormented by evil men,” she murmured. “And I also feel unworthy, sometimes. Why do you think I spent my days reading novels? Because I felt that I didn’t deserve a full, rich, happy life. I thought the most I could ever hope for was to read about one. But you are the one who showed me that the life I wanted could be mine. You are the one who made me feel worthy of love.” Tears sparkled in her eyes, and he gripped her hand tighter. “I want to show you that you are worthy as well. Don’t push me away, Nathan. Let me in. Let me help you heal your pain. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. And together, I know we can conquer this. Iknowwe can conquer this.”
Suddenly she was crying, and Nathan didn’t hesitate. He moved and sat down next to her then took her in his arms. Gently, he rocked her in his arms as she continued to cry.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so, so sorry. You’re right. We can conquer this. We can conquer anything.” He tilted her chin up,so that she was looking at him, and then brushed away one of her tears with his thumb.
“Because I love you,” he said, and her whole face lit up. “I love you more than anything in the world, and if you will forgive me and take me back, I will never, ever let you go again. I will fight for you, I will protect you, and I will trust you to protect yourself. And with you, we will fight to overcome all the pain our pasts caused us.”
She was smiling through her tears, the brightest smile he had ever seen, and then she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought their foreheads together.
“I love you too,” she whispered, and she pressed her lips against his.
The carriage stopped outside of their home, and Nathan didn’t wait for the footman. He dismounted quickly and held out his hand to his wife. She took it, but instead of helping her down, he swung her into his arms so that he was carrying her.
“What are you doing?” she laughed as he pressed her to him.
