But wasn’t that what she had just done? Why had she been so on edge? Why had she been so angry?
She could feel the panic and shame as she had read from the book Luke had given her. The joy of her realisation about the letters, and her frustration that Luke clearly did not think she was correct.
“Why should it matter if he thinks it a mad idea?” Emily muttered. “It’s hardly like he thinks well of me anyway. And definitely not after tonight.”
She supposed she ought to try and find him, to make some kind of amends, but she could not bring herself to. She felt as though there were a whirlwind of emotions within her, each jostling to be heard over the other. It was a confusing cacophony.
She shook her head, and realised that in her wandering she had ended up in one of the music rooms. A scattering of instruments lined the walls, a few guitars, some cellos, a harp. There were cases for flutes, a few violins, but one instrument caught her attention: the pianoforte.
“Drat it.” She cursed moving towards it. “He already thinks little of me, and I need some way to speak. Since he is determined to think th worst of me.”
Emily sat down at the pianoforte and looked at the keys before her. She placed her hands, feeling as though she had come home to an old friend. Even with her irritation and shame, she could not keep a smile from her face.
She began to play, welcoming the array of colours and shapes that rose in her vision. Her own emotions had colours and as she let her fingers dance across the keys, she found herself trying to marry the two together.
“Red of anger.” She whispered, letting the melody sing out. “the deep green of shame. Yellow for fear.”
She named the emotions, creating them in her mind with the music she was playing. They became a swirl of patterns before her. She lost herself in it, letting the music say all the things she could not even bring herself to think.
Amber.She played thinking not just of the colour, but of the smell. The image of cold, distant winter formed in her head and she matched what she was playing to that. The first frost of winter.
And then the image of cold, blue eyes flashed into her mind and she realised she was thinking of the Duke. The jangled mess of notes broke her fantasy as she abruptly stopped.
“Your sisters were not mistaken when they spoke of your skill.” A deep, rich voice said from behind her.
Emily whirled around and found herself staring at the Duke.How long has he been there? Goodness, how long have I been playing?Colour rushed to her cheeks, and she was grateful that there was only moonlight illuminating the room.
“I-” she began not sure what she was going to say, but before she could think of anything, Luke said, “what were you just playing?”
“What do you mean?”
“The music. It was… It was beautiful. It was haunting and yet tender. It made me think of…” Luke tapped his fingers on his chin as though thinking. “Well, lots of things. But the last part.It… It reminded me of winter mornings. When everything is frosted over. It seems hard, and yet… beneath it there is still life.”
Emily only just managed not to gasp, a flood of embarrassment washing over her as she remembered exactly what the winter was inspired by. “I did not know you could be so poetic.” She said, trying to sound teasing and hoping this would help steer away from the topic.
I dreamed that I told him he was like winter. Did I really do that? Would he know what it meant?Emily felt panic surge through her, unsure how she would explain why she had been playing that when she herself did not understand.
“Perhaps it is simply that your music moved me.” The Duke smiled, but there was a brittleness to it that confused her. “It was beautiful.”
“Thank you.” Emily replied. “I had not realised how much I had missed it.”
“How long has it been?” Luke’s voice was soft, but he made no effort to move closer.
“I do not know. A few months perhaps? Whenever this whole scandal first arose.” Emily sighed.How long has it been?
She had forced herself not to think about it. She knew that she could not dispel the rumours, not without revealing her secret.All she could do was stop playing music, and hope that this would convince the ton that she was not the arrogant person she had been made out to be.
Silence stretched between them. She knew she should apologise, that she had been behaving unreasonably. Before she could say anything, Luke moved into the room and said, “You were right.”
“I- what?” Emily shook her head, unsure what she had just heard.
“About the letters.” He held up the slip of paper she had scrawled her embarrassing letters on. “I can see it now. You were right.”
Of the many things Emily had expected him to say, that was not one of them. She gaped at him.
“Did you come here simply to tell me that?” she asked.
“No.” Luke shook his head. “But the realisation made me realise I could not simply allow you to give up.”
