“I should not have done it.” He growled.
“Why did you?” she was almost level with him. “Or are you too much of a coward to say it?”
“Because I wanted to!” he roared. “Is that what you want to hear? Damn it, I kissed you because I wanted to.”
A thrill filled her.I wanted to.Luke wanted to kiss her. He wanted her. Excitement warred with frustration. She tried to form words, to make sense of it.
But Luke’s next words felt like daggers to her heart.
“It was a moment of weakness. A moment of madness, more like. Because that is what you do to me.” Luke’s voice was a mix of anger and sadness. His shoulders slumped, even as he clenched his fist. “You think that you know everything, that you can just do what you want. But that is not how it works. That is not how any of this works.”
“I never said it was.” Emily said, swallowing against the lump in her throat. “But I do not understand why you are so upset by this? We have done nothing wrong.”
“We have. I have.” Luke insisted, his eyes meeting hers. “You know what happened between us. That kiss. I should never have done it.”
“Why?” Emily gestured around them.You wanted to kiss me. I wanted to kiss you.
“Because I cannot give you what you want.” Luke growled, his eyes wild and angry.
Emily let her own anger spill into her words. “How do you know that? How do you know you cannot give me what I want if you do not even know what that is?”
“I know more than you think.” His words hung between them.
Luke met her gaze, and Emily understood. “It was not a dream, was it? Everything that happened on that ride, when you saved me…”
“I am not in your mind, I cannot know what you imagined and what was real.” Luke shrugged.
“Then why don’t you ask me?” Emily felt a lump form in her throat.
“Why did you not ask me?” Luke countered. “Because you know as well as I the truth of things. You were not in your right mind. You said things you did not mean. And I did not, I will not hold those against you.”
He paused. “I only ask that you do the same for me. Do not hold this madness against me.”
“Is that what you think this was?” Emily narrowed her eyes at him.
“What else could it be?” Luke whispered. “I think it is best that we stop our lessons. You have progressed enough to not need me. Rodger and I will leave in a few days, you need not spend any more time with me.”
“Luke.” She reached towards him, every part of her wanting him to stay.
“I am sorry.” Luke looked at her, and she could see the genuine sadness in his eyes. “I will keep my distance from you. I would ask that you do the same.”
He turned and left before she could say another word.
She shook her head, and followed after him. Her mind buzzing. She was barely aware of where she was going, almost tripping on several routes.
“Emily! There you are!” Natalie’s voice broke into her thoughts. “I thought you might have gotten hurt, I returned to the castle after the last bells, but when you did not return… Are you all right?”
Emily nodded. “Yes… Yes… I… I just got turned around.”
“We won. The Duke and Peter owe us five guineas.” Natalie frowned. “Are you sure you are okay?”
“Yes. Just… That is wonderful.” Emily forced herself to smile. “We shall have to claim our winnings. I take it you were right about the answer to the clue?”
“I was.” Natalie grinned smugly as her stomach let out a growl. “I am famished. Dinner will be soon, we should get changed.”
Emily nodded, forcing herself to smile while Natalie told her about everything she had missed. Once she was in her rooms, she got changed in a daze, Lucy having to correct some item of clothing or another several times.
At dinner, she looked around expectantly, waiting to see Luke in the dining room. But he never appeared. Instead, Lord Baine made his brother’s apologies.
