“But next year is Celeste’s turn!” Leah said, horrified.
“Well, we could delay her debut a year if we had to,” Lucien said hesitantly. “But we will figure that out later. Right now, I just want you to focus on this year and on trying to--” and he couldn’t believe he was about to say this “--enjoy yourself. This should be an exciting time. Yes, the marriage mart can be difficult, but you have every reason to hope for the best. You are beautiful, wealthy, kind, smart, and accomplished. Not to mention the sister of the Duke of Dredford.”
Leah smiled at him again. The tears in her eyes were gone, and she looked genuinely relieved as she stood up. “Thank you, Lucien,” she said, and then she surprised him by leaning awkwardly over the table and hugging him around the shoulders. Lucien was so taken aback by the movement that for a moment, he didn’t know what to do. In all his life, he could not remember Leah ever hugging him. Eve used to, when she was very young, and hadn’t yet realized that he was the tyrant of thehouse. But not Leah. Then his reflexes kicked in, and he hugged her back. For a moment they stayed like that, then they broke apart, Leah smiling at him shyly.
“How long have you felt this?” he asked her, as she smoothed out her skirts.
“Some time now,” she said. “But I never voiced any of these concerns until…”
She didn’t finish the sentence but he knew what she was going to say: until Emery arrived. He nodded, understanding. It must have been Emery who had encouraged Leah to speak to him about this, and he felt a sudden and intense rush of gratitude for his wife.
In just a few weeks, my wife has brought me closer not only to my brother, but also to my sister.
He remembered her words, then, from the board game:“It’s more important to me to work hard at the things you care deeply about. Like for you, that would be taking care of your family.”
He hadn’t asked her what the thing wasshecared about most deeply, the thing that she worked hardest at. But now that he thought about it, it was obvious: like him, she cared most about taking care of her family. It manifested differently for her. She wasn’t protective and rigid, but concerned with bringing everyone together to enjoy one another’s company. And while it sometimes made him uncomfortable--and could be improperon occasion--he had to admit that in the case of getting Leah to open up to him about her fears, Emery’s methods were impressive.
Leah bid goodbye to him, thanking him profusely for his encouraging words, and then left the parlor, leaving Lucien with a new, glowing respect for his wife and her ability to protect her family.
Chapter Fourteen
“Where is he?” Emery muttered to herself, checking the clock above the mantle in the corner of the ballroom. “He’s late, and we’re running out of time!”
It wasn’t like the Duke to be late to one of their etiquette classes, and this was one of the few that Emery actually felt nervous for; not just nervous, but a deep sense of foreboding. It was also the only etiquette class that she agreed she needed. She’d never been a very confident dancer, and London would be full of balls and parties at which she would be required to dance.
Truthfully, they shouldn’t have left dancing lessons so late--they were supposed to leave for London tomorrow!--but she hadn’t exactly shared with the Duke that she was a less-than-proficient dancer. It was embarrassing, and she was loath to show weakness in front of the Duke.
However, it also meant she was very nervous as she checked the cloth again. They only had a few hours to practice before dinner,and then it would be off to bed, only to rise early tomorrow to head to London.
Where is he?!
At that moment, the door to the ballroom swung open, and the Duke entered holding a large bouquet of flowers.
The moment they saw each other, both of them froze. Emery was staring at the flowers, not sure what to make of them.Are those for me? No, surely they are for Leah, as a congratulatory gift for the beginning of her Season…
“Ahh, I’m glad I caught you before the others showed up,” the Duke said, referring, she assumed, to Leah and the dancing instructor, who were also late. “I got these for you.”
He held out the bouquet of flowers to her, and Emery reached for them automatically. No one had ever given her flowers before, and as she stared into the beautiful blue and purple arrangement, her heart felt as if it were in her throat.
“These are for me?” she asked uncertainly, looking up at the Duke. He nodded, looking a little shy himself.
“Yes,” he said, clearing his throat. “They are a thank you gift. I wanted to get you something to show my appreciation that you encouraged Leah to come to me with her worries for the Season.”
“Oh!” Emery hadn’t been expecting this. When she’d suggested Leah talk to her brother, she had been a little worried the Duke would feel as if she’d put him on the spot. However, she’d felt it was important he knew what was going on in Leah’s head so that he could help put her at ease. “You’re very welcome,” she said after a moment.
“Leah and I have not always been very close,” the Duke added after a moment, not quite looking at her. “Well, as children we were, but then, when things became more difficult with my parents, and I started having to be the rulemaker in our house, it drove us apart. I think she missed me as her playmate and resented that I had become so authoritarian.”
“That makes sense,” Emery said softly, and the Duke’s eyes flicked to hers.
“When she spoke to me about her fears, it reminded me of how wonderful it feels to give support and advice, not just to enforce rules. And… Well, it had been a long time since I’d just been able to be an older brother, and less like a father or a keeper.”
Emery smiled and hugged the flowers to her chest. “I’m very happy for you. Truly. You deserve to feel more like a brother and less like a father.” She laughed lightly. “After all, you are their brother, not their father.”
He looked at her, and for a second or two, an unspoken acknowledgement passed between us: and you won’t ever be a father. The breath left Emery’s chest, and a crushing sensation seemed to descend upon her.
He doesn’t want to be a father,she reminded herself. I’m not taking away his dreams. He told me himself that he doesn’t want to father children.
And yet, she couldn’t help but feel something like an aching sadness inside of her, and a little bit of guilt, as well.
