“May I have a word?” she asked, gazing up at him with big, round eyes.
“I suppose,” Lucien grunted. He didn’t really feel like speaking to anyone, least of all Emery, whom he knew would be able to see through all his defenses at once and discover the guilt and fury that was still storming inside of him. But he didn’t have the heart to refuse her, either.
She followed him to his study, then sat down opposite him at his desk.
“You don’t look relieved,” she said, tilting her head to one side as she took him in. “I thought you would be relieved.”
“What is there to be relieved about?” Lucien snapped, folding his hands on his desk. “We barely escaped scandal.”
“Yes, but we did escape it. Everything turned out well. When I returned to the garden party, Leah clearly hadn’t even noticed we were gone, and nothing ill had befallen her. Georgina and I were able to seamlessly melt back into the crowd, and I didn’t hear a single whisper of gossip about where we had gone or where you and Henry had gotten to.”
“That doesn’t mean there won't be gossip,” Lucien pointed out. “Perhaps they were whispering about it behind your back and just didn’t want you to hear.”
“That seems unlikely! Not after how much whispering they’ve already done about me this Season.”
Lucien grunted. He wanted to believe that they had successfully avoided a scandal, but he was also afraid to let himself hope like that. Nor did he very much feel like celebrating such a narrow escape.
“Everything is okay,” she said gently, reaching forward tentatively and setting her hand on top of his. “I know you’re angry at your brother still, but we should at least be grateful that nothing worse happened.”
“Everything is not okay,” Lucien snapped, unable to hold back his frustration. The touch of her hand on his only made it worse; she didn’t understand. She didn’t understand that it wasn’t just his brother he was angry at. “My brother abandoned Leah and then compromised your friend! He behaved reprehensibly! Unforgivably! Like the most selfish cad to ever exist!”
“Lucien…” Emery’s eyes had grown even wider. “You shouldn’t be so hard on him. I know Henry can be a bit foolish at times, but he only behaved the way he did out of love for Georgina. She promised me that nothing happened, that he truly only wanted to talk, and I believe her. He really does love her, and he wouldn’t have done anything dishonorable. He might be a tad thoughtless and reckless, but he isn’t a bad person. Surely you can’t fault him forever for a small lapse in judgement?”
“A small lapse in judgement?” Lucien couldn’t quite believe his ears. Of all the things his wife might say to him, this seemed the most ridiculous. She knew how he felt about people who shirked their duty and family in the name of love. And that is exactly what his brother had done!
It took every ounce of him not to stand and start yelling, but from the look on her face, she could tell that he was moments away from that. She had shrank back in her chair, a petrified look on her face, and it hurt him more than he could say to see the look of fear on her face.
“He is still a boy,” she whispered, before he could speak again. “He will learn!”
“I very much doubt that,” he replied coldly. “Anyway, how can you possibly forgive him for what he has done? He has threatened to ruin our familyandyour friend. You should be furious with him!”
“I am,” she said desperately. “But it is also done. What else is there to do? Holding on to anger will not change the situation.”
Slowly, he tried to take a deep breath and calm himself. When he spoke again, it was in a flat, cold tone of voice. “I do not think you realize what is at stake here,” he whispered. “Henry is the future Duke of Dredford! He is my heir, and he has behaved like a villain to both Miss Holloway and yourself! How can I entrust the duchy, and the future of my house, to such a man? How can I live with myself for letting him bring such dishonor to our family name?!”
“Then… don’t leave him the duchy.” She licked her lips, as if afraid to go on, then forced herself to continue speaking in a small, scared, yet determined tone of voice. “He does not need to be your heir. There is another opportunity for an heir, one that I thought we were working toward this past week. And this heirwill be one that we mold together to become the best and most honorable duke imaginable.”
Lucien felt himself grow cold. He knew what she was saying: that after their kisses, and the budding romance between them, they might live as man and wife and have children of their own. And while this would have filled him with unimaginable joy just a few days earlier, it now made his heart feel as if it were cracking in two.
She wants to have a normal marriage with me. Because of how I have behaved this past week, she thinks I love her; perhaps she even loves me. And I am going to have to break her heart, before my actions ruin all of us.
The horror of the situation threatened to overwhelm him.She truly does not understand what has happened here today.
Lucien felt his face growing cold and expressionless; it was the way he had been for many years; the heartless, feeling-less wretch his brother had described him as.He wasn’t wrong about me in the end.
“No,” he heard himself say. “Henry is my heir and he will remain my heir.”
The look of utter disappointment and crushed hope was so immediate and so complete that Lucien felt as if he had just told his wife she was condemned to death. Perhaps he had done so, in his own way.
“Oh…” she whispered, and her eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t realize… It just seemed that things had begun to change between us, that you and I were…” But she couldn’t go on. Her voice had become choked, and she looked away, shame burning her cheeks.
Guilt swelled inside of Lucien, but he knew he couldn’t give in. He had to do this for the good of his family.
“That will not be possible,” Lucien forced himself to say, and the words cut like a knife through the air between them. She shrank back, and pain filled her eyes. “The feelings that have been growing between us, as well as the affection we have been demonstrating to one another, must desist at once, and we must return to the initial marriage we agreed upon: to be wed only on paper.”
“But--why?” Emery breathed. “What happened with your brother and Miss Holloway had nothing to do with us!”
“But it did,” Lucien said. “What happened was my fault. I was the one who lost vigilance. First, I let my brother chaperone Leah even though I knew he wasn’t trustworthy; even though I knew he wasn’t responsible. But I let him do it because I wanted to spend time with you in public. In other words, I listened to my heart above my head. And that was the first mistake. Then I snuck off with you and left Leah and Henry alone. I should have known that Henry wasn’t responsible enough to follow through on his word after everything he has done. But I left him alone, I told myself that it would be well, because I wanted to indulge my own desires over the duty I owed my family.”
