His heart in his throat, he offered Emery his arm, and she took it--albeit a little stiffly.
“I’ll see you down there,” Emery said over her shoulder to Miss Holloway. “Good luck.”
Lucien then steered Emery through the doors of the church and down the aisle. It was a surreal moment for him, leading her down an aisle at a wedding; it reminded her of their own rushed, surreal wedding. He wondered if she was thinking the same thing; she was certainly walking in a stiff, unnatural manner, as if unsure how to conduct herself in his presence.
He didn’t blame her; he felt as if he couldn’t move naturally, either. It felt both wonderful and exceedingly painful to have her on his arm like this, as if they were still a properly married couple, and not an estranged husband and wife. He wanted to say something to her, but he was completely tongue-tied--not to mention the fact that he couldn’t exactly strike up conversation when they were in the middle of walking down the aisle at his brother’s wedding.
Lucien looked up to see Henry standing at the end of the aisle, beaming at them both. As they reached him, he shook Lucien’s hand and murmured, “Thank you, brother, for all your support. This is truly the best day of my life.”
“I’m very glad,” Lucien muttered back. “I believe you and Miss Holloway will be very happy.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Lucien saw his wife glance at him, a look of surprise on her face, but by the time he looked at her, she had looked away.
They took their seats in the front row, and seconds later, the music began. The doors in the back of the church opened, and Miss Holloway entered on her father’s arm. Everyone in the church stood and turned to look at her. Lucien, however, kept his eyes fixed on his brother. The look on his brother’s face was like nothing he had ever seen in his life; it was pure joy, but more than that, as well; his brother looked proud.
He takes pride in having such a woman as his bride, he realized, turning to look at Miss Holloway. She wore a similar look on her face, and her eyes were fastened on Henry’s.
They are going to make each other better,he thought to himself.Henry might be young and still immature, sometimes even irresponsible, but with a wife that gives him so much pride and believes in him so much, he will become a better person.
It had always seemed to him that marriage was something one only did when one had already become the best version of one’s self. He had thought he would only marry once he was the best Duke of Dredford possible and had fixed everything his parents had done wrong. But perhaps it was possible that a man didn't become his best self until he had a good woman by his side to show him how.
Emery is what has changed.
She was the one who made him better.
Miss Holloway reached the top of the aisle, the ceremony began, and Lucien stopped thinking about his marriage to Emery as heimmersed himself fully in what he knew was the best moment of his brother’s life.
It took everything in Lucien to hold in the emotion that had mounted inside of him as he stood next to Emery outside of the church, shortly after the ceremony ended. They were seeing off the bride and groom, who would travel to Lucien’s townhouse for the wedding breakfast, followed by the rest of them. He wanted to cry, but he hadn’t cried since before his parents had died, and he wasn’t about to start now. Next to him, Emery was waving a handkerchief, smiling at the carriage containing Henry and Miss Holloway--or Lady Henry Grove, as she was now called. It was torture for Lucien not to take her free hand.
The entire ceremony had been torture. All he had wanted throughout it was to touch her. His hand had buzzed with the need to reach out and take hers, but of course, he resisted. He didn’t know how she would take it, and anyway, he still felt so confused and torn up inside that he didn’t want to give her any false hope.
The carriage holding the newlyweds rounded the corner, and Emery put down her handkerchief.
“Shall we return to our carriage?” he asked her, and she glanced at him in surprise.
“I shall be riding with the girls,” she said. “I already promised them I would go with them.”
“Oh, of course.” Lucien’s heart sank.She is already avoiding me again. “Very well.”
They had taken two carriages that morning after Emery had gone to the Holloways’ house to help her friend prepare; the girls had gone in one, while Lucien and Henry had gone in the other. Therefore he fully expected to be alone in the carriage back to the house, and he was surprised when, after he’d closed the carriage door, it opened again, and Leah joined him inside.
“Oh, hello,” he said, surprised and even a little miffed that he wouldn’t get the ride to be alone with his melancholy thoughts. It was hard having to pretend to be in a celebratory mood around all the guests, and this carriage ride was going to be his one chance to feel all his disappointment and regret.
“I’m riding with you,” Leah said, a tad unnecessarily. She fixed him with a beady stare. “And you’re going to tell me exactly what is going on with you and Emery.”
Chapter Thirty
“What are you talking about?” Lucien asked at once. He knew immediately how stupid he sounded; it was obvious to everyone thatsomethinghad gone wrong with him and Emery. It was only a matter of time until one of his sisters asked him about it. Still, he felt defensive and angry. Seeing her today had filled him with such strong and painful emotions, and he felt the temptation to take out all his sadness and anger on his sister.
“Don’t give me that,” Leah snapped, folding her arms across her chest. “I know something is wrong, and you can’t be surprised that I’m asking about it. You and Emery are both miserable.”
“We…are?” Lucien asked, a small tendril of hopefulness appearing in his chest.Emery is miserable?! Does that mean she still might love me?
“Of course you are!” Leah shook her head, clearly very frustrated. “It is painfully obvious to everyone who has to sharea house with the two of you that you are desperately unhappy without one another.”
“Who says we are without one another?” Lucien countered. “We have never had a traditional marriage, Leah. It is not as if we had planned to marry one another, so you cannot fault us if we are spending more time apart.”
“She moved out of your bedroom!”
