“I feel nervous about tonight,” she said, her hands once more dropping to her sides.
He raised his eyebrows. “You do?”
“It’s my first ball as a married woman, and while before, I could usually get away with disappearing into the background, now, I will be the center of much conversation and gossip, after how hastily you and I married. I feel that I will be on display, that people will be talking about me, judging me.”
“You will be,” he said, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “But you should pay them no mind. Thetonis always judging those they are envious of. And they are going to be very, very envious of you tonight, Duchess.”
She turned around to face him, so that they were looking directly into one another’s eyes, not just through the mirror.
“I don’t know about that,” she said quietly. “I do not feel that anyone has any reason to envy me. I have always felt…” she swallowed, then forced herself to get it out. “I have always felt insecure around theton,as if I do not belong. The only time I ever feel that I belong, or am at least grudgingly accepted, is when I am with you.”
“Then you are in luck,” he said with a smile. “Because I am accompanying you tonight.”
“Yes, but…” She sighed. “Things have not been the same between us since the wedding. I am not sure that being with you will make me feel confident anymore, seeing how strained our relationship has become.”
“It has been better of late.”
“It is still not the same,” she said with a sad smile. “Before, you were one of my closest friends. And I actually felt confident, maybe even desirable, when I was out in theton.Now, I feel…”
“You should feel desirable,” he said, and his tone was so dark and intense that she blinked and stared up at him in awe. His expression had clouded, and his eyes were once more blazing.
For a second, she thought he was going to seize her by the arms, but he didn't. “You have nothing to feel insecure about,” he continued in the same dark, intense tone. “And you would know that--know how desirable you are--if you could see what I see.”
Her breath caught in her throat, and she blushed. The warmth spread from her cheeks to her neck, turning her scarlet. She looked away. She was embarrassed to blush in front of him like this, especially after he had told her they would not have a normal marriage. Turning away, she tried to catch her breath. She was lightheaded and dizzy.
Why does he always make me feel so unsteady?
Just as she began to walk away--to try and escape him and all the feelings building inside of her--her foot caught on the carpet, and she lost her balance. She fell forward, letting out a small gasp of fear and surprise.
But had barely begun to pitch forward when she felt strong hands grab her by the waist and arrest her fall. She let out another gasp, while at the same time, she heard Dorian’s concerned voice.
“Leah, are you okay?” He sounded genuinely worried.
“I’m okay,” she managed to gasp. “I just tripped.”
Very gently, Dorian turned her around. He was still holding her by the waist with one hand, but with his other, he took hold of her shoulder. When she looked up at him, she felt distinctly that he was cradling her in his arms. Very slowly, he brought her back upright, until she was steady on her own two feet.
They were very close. Far too close. His face was just inches from hers. His lips were so close that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin. It would be so easy to reach up on her tiptoes and press her lips against his, to let a hand come to his cheek, to pull him tight against her.
Dorian’s breath was ragged. His eyes were blazing. And she knew, with an instinct she couldn’t explain, that he was moments away from letting her do so--or even kissing her himself.
She swallowed.
Just do it. Just lean forward and do it.
But before she could, Dorian had taken a step back. It was so abrupt that she felt dizzy again. His eyes had a fearful look in them, and he was shaking his head slightly, as if to tell her no. At once, shame and anger flooded her.
Dorian turned away, toward the door, and put his hands on his hips, as if catching his breath after a long, hard ride.
“We should go,” he said, his voice strained, and Leah felt her heart turn to ice inside of her. “We don’t want to be late.”
Chapter Seventeen
“My darling, are you alright?” Vivian asked as she handed Leah a lemonade. “You look positively distraught tonight.”
“What?” Leah, who had been staring across the ballroom at where her husband was speaking with his friend Anthony, the Duke of Cresswell, had to wrench her attention back to her friend. “Oh, yes, I am very well,” she said distractedly, taking the proffered lemonade.
Vivan’s eyes narrowed. “Are you nervous about navigating theton’sjudgment of your recent, speedy marriage?”
