“You are returning to my country estate,” Dorian said, his face still blanker than it ought to be for such a shocking statement. “I will be staying here in London.”
“But--” Leah felt as if all the strength had left her legs. She melted down onto the chair opposite him. “Why would you send me back all by myself?”
And then she realized it: it was the reason she had feared . He was embarrassed by her. And instead of making them both leave town, he was simply sendingheraway. Why would he leave himself, when he could get rid of the problem and stay himself? Her stomach churned, and she felt as if she might be sick.
Was I really that bad?
“We cannot live together,” Dorian said. “That is what I said from the start. We are to live our separate lives, and that begins by returning you to the country, where you will be safer.”
“Safer?” she stared at him, aghast. “You mean from Lord Dubois? What can he do to me? I am married to a man that outranks him!”
“I still do not trust him. And it felt plain to me yesterday that he will try to enact some kind of revenge.”
Leah couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It made no sense. “And why would sending me to the country make me safer?” she whispered. “You are here in London. You being around me will keep me much safer!”
“You will be safe in the countryside. My estate agent is very good, he will ensure that nothing happens to you.”
“But--”
“Things will be better this way. You will be able to start your own life.”
“But my family is here!” s he cried. “If I am to stay alone somewhere, I would rather stay in town, where I can be near them. Please, don’t send me away to be by myself.” Leah’s eyes filled with tears, to her consternation. She didn’t want to cry in front of him. “It is so lonely in the countryside, I beg you, don’t make me stay there by myself.”
“You can invite your sisters to stay,” Dorian said carelessly, waving a hand. “Then you won’t be so alone. But there isbusiness I need to take care of in town, which means I need to be here. Perhaps in a few months we can switch places.”
“A few months…” Leah felt dizzy. She was being sent away for months? A quarter of a year might go by before she saw her husband again. But what about their dance last night? The closeness? Had that all been an act? Or was it his way of giving her something nice before he sent her away?
“Please don’t do this,” she whispered. “If this isn’t a punishment, then I beg you, don’t do this.”
“A punishment?” His eyebrows went up. “What would I be punishing you for?”
Leah swallowed uncertainly. “For being such a disgraceful duchess last night. I know that I behaved badly, that I didn’t use the proper forms of address, that I was not the perfect picture of poised and remote, elegant grace. But I am just learning. I can take lessons! I will get better.” The tears were threatening to cascade down her cheeks, and she had to breathe in deeply to hold them in.
“Is that why you’re sending me away?” she murmured. “Because you are embarrassed by me?”
Dorian’s jaw tightened, and the look he gave her was so close to a glare that she felt herself recoil. For a long moment, silence reigned between them. Then Dorian said, in a low, angry voice, “Yes. That is the reason I’m sending you away.”
It cost Dorian more than he would ever be able to say to utter those words. Nothing in his life had ever been further from the truth, but he knew, with every fiber of his being, that he had to say them. Leah had to go away. She couldn’t stay here. And if this is what it took for him to send her away, then so be it.
Still, the cost was his very soul. Because as he watched her face crumple, he knew that he had just done the worst thing he’d ever done--and that was saying something, considering how he had failed Liliana.
Because this he had done deliberately: he had deliberately ruined a young woman’s confidence, and made her feel as if she had failed him, simply because he was too weak to be around her; because he had to push her away, otherwise he was going to take her in his arms and never let her go.
Leah’s lips began to tremble, and the tears, which he had seen building for the last minute, began to fall down her cheeks. He forced himself to look away, unable to make eye contact with her. Instead, his eyes fell on the portrait of his father. It seemed to him, as he stared up at it, that his father was no longer smirking, but actually laughing with glee.
You won,he thought bitterly.You have truly ruined my life.
When he looked back at Leah, she was no longer crying. Instead, she had begun to shake, and when she looked up at him, there was a dullness to her eyes that scared him.
“I shall g-go away then,” she muttered, looking down at her hands. A subtle shake in her voice hinted at repressed tears. “I am s-sorry that I embarrassed you so deeply. I promise to study in the country and make you proud. Of course you should not have to spend time with me when I embarrass you.”
Very slowly, Leah stood up. She was still shaking, and he was worried that if she tried to walk, she would fall. Once more, her eyes met his. It was difficult for him to maintain eye contact, when every ounce of him was so ashamed for how he was treating her. And as he looked into her eyes, so clear and so green, something inside of him seemed to break.
“Don’t go,” he whispered. She froze, her eyes wide as if in fear, staring down at him. “Don’t go,” he repeated, and then he was on his feet and cutting around the side of his desk. He stood right in front of her, and his hands were on her shoulders, on her arms. “Don’t leave like this.”
“But--”
“Of course I’m not embarrassed by you,” he murmured. “How could anyone ever be embarrassed by you?”
