“I do not like to speak ill of my childhood,” she said at last. “My parents were wonderful to me, and?—”
“Were they?” the Duke snorted, and his eyes flashed with what she thought was anger. “They were trying to force you to marry a man who abused you!”
“But they didn’t know what Lord Langdon did,” Vanessa rushed to say.
The Duke raised his eyebrows. “And you did not tell them, which tellsmethat you did not feel you could be honest with them. Now why is that? If I had to guess, it would be because they were either cruel, emotionally withholding, or had taught you to prioritize their desires over your own.”
Vanessa opened her mouth to argue, to tell him none of that was true, but no words came out. Instead, memories flashed before her mind. Her father, snarling at her when she messed up again in her dance lessons, telling her he would have preferred a son to a useless daughter who did not know how to comport herself. Her mother, telling her how ungrateful she was that she had not repaid her family by making a good match in her first Season.
She had never thought about how these incidents—and the hundreds more—might have stopped her from telling them about Langdon’s cruelty.
But now that the Duke mentioned it…
She closed her mouth and took a deep breath. “My parents care greatly about what others in thetonthink,” she said at last. “They wanted me to be perfect. That is no different from many other mamas and papas or theton.”
“Well, it’s different from me,” the Duke growled, and Vanessa felt goosebumps go up her spine. “I do not give a fig what anyone in thetonthinks, and I hope that you will learn to feel the sameway. You are a duchess now, and that gives you power. You do not have to worry or care what others say or think now. You can lead your life as you see fit.”
Vanessa shivered. The idea of that was alluring, to be sure, but she didn’t know if that was true.
“I still have a reputation to maintain,” she murmured. “You know that as well which is why you agreed not to report Langdon. I cannot just do whatever I want. Perhaps you can, but you are a man. I am a woman, and the same rules do not apply to me. I, after all, could not go around pretending to be a priest in a confessional.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “How did you end up in there, anyway?”
“I was out drinking with Lord Kingsley,” the Duke said, “and fancied a word or two with the Almighty. He was not very forthcoming, however.”
She narrowed her eyes--she did not believe that at all.
The Duke, however, was looking at her thoughtfully. “Perhaps that is true what you are saying about having less freedom because of your gender. You are wise, Duchess.” It was the first time anyone had called her by her title, and Vanessa felt another shiver go through her. “Women are very rarely free in this world.”
A dark cloud passed across his face, and he looked away.
“What is it?” she asked, emboldened by how openly he was speaking to her.
“It is nothing,” he said, glancing back at her.
Vanessa hesitated then decided she had nothing to lose. She was already married to the man, and now was the time to get to know him. “Your friend, Lord Kingsley, mentioned that you are in the habit of defending ladies from gentlemen who insult them.”
The Duke’s head whipped around to look at her, his eyes narrowed. “What did he say?” he demanded, his voice sharper and angrier than she had ever heard directed at her.
“N-nothing,” she stammered. “Just that you would argue with men at White’s and that they spread unkind and untrue rumors about you.”
“Oh. Yes.” The Duke’s mouth twitched, and his eyes softened. “Forgive me,” he said after a moment. “I did not mean to speak so harshly.”
“It is all right,” Vanessa said quickly, anxiety seizing her at the idea of displeasing him on their wedding night.Forgive him,her instincts told her.Just try to smooth everything over.
She wondered briefly if she dared to ask more. There were so many questions burning inside of her, but she was afraid of angering him with her questions.
At last, she plucked up the courage. “Can I ask you a question?” she asked after a long silence.
“You can ask,” the Duke said, leaning back against the carriage and folding his arms. “I cannot promise I will answer.”
“Why is it that you are so quick to defend ladies? Why are you so infuriated by gentlemen treating them ill?”
The Duke’s face remained unreadable. “Do you find that strange? Are you not infuriated by it?”
“Of course, I am,” she said quickly. “I just have not met many gentlemen who are as well.”
The Duke held her gaze for several seconds then looked down. “Perhaps I will tell you why someday,” he murmured. “But tonight is not the night. We have a long way to go yet, and you should be rested and in good spirits.”
Vanessa nodded and said nothing else. She desperately wanted to know what story the Duke could tell her that would put her in bad spirits, but she had to respect his privacy. If he did not want to tell her, that was his right.
