She had a choice to make. She could turn and leave, letting his coolness control her.
If you do,she told herself, then you will be back to square one: alone and with nothing to do.
Or she could stay and demand he speak to her. Demand he make time for her.
And so, drawing herself up, she walked decisively across the study, pulled out the chair in front of his desk, and sat down in it. Folding her hands in her lap, she waited. She was not going to say anything, she decided, until he looked her in the eye. He had to do her that courtesy.
At last, when she still had not moved or spoken, he set his quill down and looked up, directly meeting her gaze.
“Yes?” he asked again.
“I am bored,” she said very clearly, enunciating each word. “And more importantly, I am lonely. There is this big, great house, but I have nothing to do in it. I must have a purpose, Winston. Before we were married, my purpose was to find a husband. Now that that is done, I am required to carry out certain duties as Duchess, and I would like you to tell me what those might be.”
“Most of the duties the Duchess would perform are already taken care of,” he said, sighing and combing a hand through his hair. “Nor do we have children for you to care for. The household runs smoothly already, as it did for many years, and there is little to do here in terms of entertainment. When we are back in the city, you may throw balls and parties if you like, but until then?—”
“Until then, what am I expected to do?” she asked, more outraged than she had intended to be.Does he expect me to just sit here and twiddle my thumbs?
“Well, what do you want to do?” his eyes glittered, and she recognized a challenge in them.
“But… I would not know where to start,” she said uncertainly. “I have never been allowed to do whatever I want.”
“Then that is your task,” he declared, sitting back, and his hands coming to the back of his head. A small smile glinted on his lips. “You must think about what you most desire to do as Duchess. Some ladies like to do charity work. Some like to entertain. Others prefer to redecorate their homes. Others sit on the boards of art and humanities institutions. It is up to you.”
Vanessa tried to keep the shock from her face.Art and humanities institutions?!She had never considered something like that to be an option.
“Thank about it then come back to me with your ideas,” he said. He leaned forward and took up his quill again. “Whatever it is, I will help you.”
Vanessa nodded. That was more than fair. And while she wished he had exhibited a bit more of the warmth she had seen the other night, it was better than nothing.
She had just risen to go when she stopped, thinking hard.
“There is one other thing,” she said.
“Yes?”
“You must dine with me. Every night.”
He looked up, surprised, then his eyes narrowed. “I cannot every night. I have work.”
“It is mandatory,” she stated, giving him a mischievous smile. “Otherwise, how else will you hear my ideas?”
And she turned and swept from the room, feeling very pleased with herself.
Her husband, however, did not appear at dinner that night. She was so disappointed and so furious that she excused herself early and asked for a tray to be sent to her room. And when she went to find Winston the next day, it was to discover that his study was locked. She was not even sure he was inside although she banged on the door for some time.
At last, she gave up, turning and storming off down the hall toward the entrance. Even as she raged, however, she could feel her anger beginning to fade, replaced with self-doubt.
There is clearly something wrong with me,she thought as she pushed open the front doors and stepped out into thecool afternoon air.He sees what an uninteresting, unattractive woman I am, and he does not want to spend time with me.
The thought landed like lead in her stomach. A lump rose in her throat, and she felt tears prick her eyes.
I am just as much a disappointment to Winston as I was to my parents.
She needed to clear her head. The best way to do that would be to go riding. The brisk exercise and clear, cold air would do her good. Maybe even give her some ideas for what she should do to occupy her time of which she had not yet had any brilliant ones.
At the stables, a groomsman saddled a horse for her, and Vanessa swung herself up. It had been a long time since she had been on a horse, and as she guided the mare out of the stables and towards the fields south of the house, she felt a rush of excitement go through her.
Maybe I can do something with horses,she thought as she nudged the horse, bringing her into a trot.Maybe I can get into horse-racing and begin breeding horses!
