But she did it anyway. She started to shake, and Archer tightened his grip around her. She felt it bubbling up in her, and knew she should fight it, but she was tired.
And he had kissed her.
Told her he burned for her.
The words fell from her mouth, devastating in their simplicity. “I love you.”
He stiffened, even as Lydia nuzzled against him. “Do not say that.”
Lydia’s mind swam. “Why?”You know why.
“You do not mean it. You cannot mean it.” Archer’s arms dropped from her, and he took a step away.
The lingering feeling of his kiss made Lydia reckless.Lose control.That was what she had asked him to do. It seemed only fair she do the same.One of us must lead and the other follow—it is about trust.
“I do mean it Archer, and I think you love me too.” She took a step towards him, wanting to rest her hand on his warm chest, to feel the comforting tension of his muscles.
“I cannot love you, Lydia.” His voice was a harsh whisper; the hooded softness of his gaze was replaced by something different, something colder.
“Cannot or will not?” Lydia asked, her own voice becoming like ice as she stared at the man in front of her.Follow me, damn you, follow me.
“It does not matter.” Archer made a dismissive motion with his hand as though flicking away a particularly irksome fly.
“It matters to me, Archer.” Lydia heard her voice as though it were coming from someone else, someone stronger. “I thought you were braver than this.”
“Are you calling me a coward?” He moved towards her, his eyes flashing in the firelight, like pools of molten gold.
“That depends.” She did not back down; she had learned enough by now to know that that was what he wanted.I will not break before you.
“On what?” His jaw was set, a line so sharp it could cut paper.
She took a deep steadying breath, her eyes never leaving his. “On whether you will answer my question.”
“I cannot love you, Lydia. I will not love you.” The words hit her like ten daggers straight to the heart.
“Because of your mother? What she did to your father?” Lydia shook her head, her eyes wide as desperation and fury warred for control. “I am not her, and you are not him.”
“His blood runs through me, just as sure as hers does. You have seen what I can be like Lydia.” Archer swallowed. “Do you really want to be with a man like that? Look at your own parents, look how that ended.”
“Just because our parents were miserable does not mean we are doomed to share their fate. We can do things differently.” She felt the tears forming in her eyes, the lump in her throat.It does not have to be like them.
“How, Lydia? How do you propose we do that when we are already hurtling down the same path? A marriage of convenience turned into something more. This is not some sillyfantasy, this is the real world, and it is time to start living in it.” His lip curled, and he turned away from her.
“How dare you talk to me of the real world? Do you think I do not know what the world is like?” She saw red. “I have spent my life looking after people around me. Sacrificing everything I am so that they might be okay. I watched my mother choose a man over her own flesh and blood; I heard my father’s screams when that choice haunted him. I have been betrayed by men who were supposed to protect me, and I have thrown myself at the mercy of a stranger.”
“You chose to marry me, Lydia. No one made you do that. I am not going to give you a medal for martyrdom. You are hardly the only one who has suffered.”
“At least I am not letting the rest of my life be shaped by it,” she spat.
“Sure you aren’t,” he scoffed, his lip curling even further, leaving none of the soft handsomeness she was used to.
For the first time since she had known him, Lydia saw the Duchess in her son. She swallowed, her heart tearing itself into pieces even as she tried to build walls around it. “I’m not, Archer. And if you cannot see that, then it is your loss. Not mine.”
“I cannot do this.” He moved past her as though to leave.
She rounded on him. “You keep saying that, but all I hear is ‘I am too scared to do this.’”
Archer let out a roar and slammed his fist against the nearby chair. “You wanted me to lose control, Lydia; are you happy now? Do you like what you see? Do you still think I am a man worth loving?”
