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“You’re here,” Rafe breathed.
He didn’t trust this vision. It had to be a lie. He’d wanted to see Philippe for so long, wanted to talk to him. The vampire couldn’t suddenly be here now.
“Yes. Just got here. I hope you don’t mind. I convinced the doorman to let me up.”
Rafe dropped his jacket on the floor and slowly closed the distance between himself and Philippe. This had to be a dream. All the rushing and lists of things to do were forgotten. There was only Philippe. He was there and safe. And so very touchable. If only he could reach out. Just place his hand against Philippe’s cheek and let the man melt into him.
“No, that’s fine. You’re always welcome here. I…” Rafe wasn’t even sure what he was going to say. His mind was filled with Philippe.
It didn’t matter, because Philippe didn’t seem eager to hear him.
The vampire stepped up to him. His hand grabbed the back of Rafe’s neck and pulled him into a hungry kiss, wiping Rafe’s brain clean. Philippe tasted of honey and sunlight. He was heaven. Rafe didn’t care about the moan that left him or the shudder that wracked his frame. His arms wrapped around Philippe, locking their bodies together until nothing could fit between them.
Too much time had passed since he’d last held Philippe, last tasted his perfection on his tongue.
Philippe broke off the kiss, gasping for air, while Rafe turned his face into Philippe’s jaw. He kissed along it to his ear, whispered apologies.
“I love you, Philippe. Please forgive me. I wasn’t strong enough. Smart enough—”
Philippe pushed against Rafe’s chest. Blinking, Rafe looked at the furrowed brow and the slight pucker of his lover’s lips.
“What are you talking about?” Philippe demanded. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“But if I’d been more clever, I wouldn’t have failed you. You asked for my help to stop the murder of your clan members.”
“No, mon amour. You have not failed me. I needed our time apart so I could think. I set an impossible task before you, and you did the best that you could. You helped me more than you understand. But I needed space from you so I could consider what was best for my people and for me.”
“You don’t hate me?”
Philippe pulled him down for another bruising kiss. Rafe sank into it, reveling in having his Philippe in his arms again. When the kiss ended, Philippe brushed the tip of his nose against Rafe’s. “Never stopped loving you,” Philippe whispered. “Though I hate myself for causing you a moment of doubt in me.”
“Only for the briefest heartbeat, mon ange,” Rafe murmured. “You don’t need to worry about me.” His arms tightened around Philippe. The ball of tension that had enveloped Rafe’s heart disappeared, and he could breathe deeply again.
Resting his head against Rafe’s shoulder, Philippe sighed. “I will always worry about you.”
Rafe’s arms didn’t want to release Philippe, but there were too many questions swirling around his brain. Slowly, he loosened his hold and took a step back so he could clearly see Philippe’s face. “If you were not upset with me, why did you meet with Marcus and Aiden last night?”
A small smile lifted one corner of Philippe’s plush lips and his eyes darted away. “I wanted to discuss the very thing you suggested. Merging our clans.”
“Really?” His knees nearly buckled at just the mention of the idea.
Philippe nodded, then paced away. He shoved one hand through his hair, pushing some of the longer tendrils from his forehead and flopped onto the sofa. “I will tell you something I’ve only confessed to Marcus and Aiden. I…I never wanted to be a clan leader. After being tortured and turned by my maker, I never wanted to be part of a clan.” He stared at his hands where they dangled between his knees.
“But your power gave you no choice.” Rafe slowly approached the sofa and sat on the arm. He wanted to be there for Philippe as he told his story but didn’t want to crowd him.
Philippe shook his head. “I couldn’t ignore them. I was older and stronger in most cases. They needed someone, so I took on that role whether I wanted to or not. Don’t get me wrong. I was happy to help them. Many of my clanmates and I became friends.”
Rafe slipped to the sofa and picked up one of Philippe’s hands to hold in both of his. “But they weren’t the close family you might have hoped for. It wasn’t the life you wanted after being forced into this immortal one.”
“What I want feels irrelevant. The important thing I’ve learned from these attacks is that I’m not strong enough to be a clan leader. People I’ve promised to protect are dying. They need someone smarter and stronger than me.”
Rafe shook his head. He started to open his mouth, but Philippe was already placing the fingers of his free hand over his lips. “It’s the truth. And while it hurts, I’m also relieved that one way or another, I will get the help I need to protect those who remain. I told Marcus and Aiden everything about the Arsenault clan, my powers. Everything.”
