"How'd you convince his cranky ass to crawl out of his cave of solitude?"
Riley hoots uproariously, driving with his knee so he can clap his hands. "What'd I fuckin' say!"
"Oh for fuck's sake," I grumble. "I'm not crankyorgrumpy and you're both assholes. What I get for thinking I could go out with my friends and not take a bunch of shit."
Nyx laughs. "I'm on speaker, huh?"
"Yeah, you are," Riley says. "I was calling to ask you for one word that describes my brother."
"Crank-o-saurus rex!" Nyx yells. "That's you, Fee! Crank-o-Saurus rex. You know what you need, my man? A blowjob and at least six shots of whiskey. I can provide the whiskey, but you're on your own for the first part."
"Got that handled," I mutter, not quite suppressing a grin at the memory.
Riley hoots and claps even more raucously, clapping me on the arm. "And you'restillcranky? Jesus. Stubborn motherfucker, you are. That girl is a fuckin' smokeshow, Fee. You got head from her, and you'restillpining after Amy?"
"You're fucked in the head if that's true," Nyx adds.
"Fuck you both. I'm not pining after fucking Amy." I snatch Riley's phone out of the cupholder. "See you in a minute, Nyx. Gotta kill my brother." I end the call and toss the phone back into the cupholder, giving my brother a death stare so vicious he taps the brakes and pulls over onto the shoulder.
"Fee, I was just—" He starts.
I slug him in the jaw—hard enough to prove a point, but not hard enough to cause any real damage. "I fucking told you, Rye. It wasn't like that—she’snot like that. She's not some Tinder bunny that I hooked up with while she was on vacation. I don't mind sharing details in those situations, and I don't mind the crude fuckin' jokes, either. But Ember is different. Sofuck offwith the crass bullshit or the next time you'll be scheduling a visit with Dr. Pritchard." That being Three Rivers' orthodontic surgeon.
Riley jacks the shifter into neutral, working his jaw with a speculative expression. "Wow, okay."
"I fuckin' warned you."
He nods, a hardness in his gaze. "You did."
I rub my face with both hands, knowing my temper got the best of me. "Rye, I'm sorry. I shouldn't've hit you."
The hardness evaporates. He rubs his jaw while shaking his head. "Nah, you warned me. I have a hard time knowing when to quit, especially when making people laugh."
"Fuck knows Nyx's laugh is hard to resist," I say.
He snorts, nodding. "Yeah, it is." He eyes me. "You're for real about this chick, huh? Like, real feelings and shit."
I sigh and then groan. "I don't fucking know, Rye. I told you, it's complicated. Usually, it's not actually all that complicated—usually, it's more of a matter of a decision you don't wanna make. This is…" I shrug. "It'sactuallycomplicated. For herandfor me. And for us, assuming there can be an us. Assuming shewantsthere to beandassuming I'm fucking evencapableof that."
"Don't be a dipshit, of course you are."
I roll my neck, twist it to the side to pop the joint. "Rye…listen, this isn't me sharing details. This is me confiding in my brother and best friend here, okay?"
He twists in his seat to face me, still rubbing his jaw with the back of his hand. "Dude, you got me good." He hikes his left foot up against the console, knee resting against the steering wheel. "I'm listening, Fee, and this stays between us, I swear."
"We didn't even have sex, like actual sex, and it was still the most fucking…" I shake my head, at a loss for words. "I felt…connectedto her, man. Like deep, and real. And all we did was mess around. And to make matters—I dunno about worse, but just more intense, I guess, she outright admitted she was using me to avoid dealing with her feelings. For me? About the situation? I don't know. But that's what she said. And after she told me her story, she freaked out and bolted. She was…she couldn't avoid her feelings anymore, so she fuckin' ran. I mean, she's coming back since I'm having Nyx fix her van, but still."
Riley stares at nothing for a moment. "Some of the most intense sex I've ever had has just been messing around and not, like, penetrative sex. It's something about the intimacy of…I dunno how to put it. There's something about holding back from sex that creates a strange kind of…yeah, intimacy is the right word. Just your hands, just your mouth—I don't know, Fee. I get it. But I gotta warn you, in my experience, when you share something like that with someone, that kind of intimacy, when you do have actual sex with her, it's gonna fuckin' rock your whole goddamn universe."
I sigh, tipping my head back. "Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. And I think that's what she's afraid of." I frown at my brother. "And hey, man, look at you talking about intimacy and shit."
He grins and laughs, flipping me off. "Ohhh fuck you. I know I have a reputation as being a himbo, and I admit it’s well-deserved, but there's more to me than that."
“There is?" I say, playfully shoving his shoulder. "Since when?"
He turns back front and pulls the shifter into gear, pulling away from the shoulder. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Actually, yeah, I would. For real."
