“So people think that the passion went away between us. You’re stressed-out. I’m in a new situation. Maybe we just don’t like having sex when everyone knows it.” I raised my eyebrows, but Cade still didn’t turn away from the window.
“I can’t explain it, not without revealing secrets that would get me killed. Theymustbelieve we are having sex.” Cade’s shoulders slumped, and he brought his fingers to his eyes, scrubbing. “For now, just know it is a sign of my magical ability and my magical control.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “So you want us to smell like sex because it’s like showing off your girlfriend’s underwear in the locker room. We don’t actually have todoit. We’ll get sweaty, paint our come on each other, and walk around like the world’s most clueless teenagers with me wearing your letterman jacket.”
Cade turned, his eyes searching my face. “Am I so unattractive that you would rather do that?”
I stared at him, my gaze going to his soft lips. How many times had I fantasized about laying him down on his massive four-poster bed and making him completely come apart?
His lips parted, his pink tongue darting out to run along his bottom lip. I swallowed.
“We’re just doing this for cover?” I asked, my voice rough. “I see how you flinch away from me. I don’t want to make you do something you’re going to regret.”
“Miles—” Cade swallowed, staring at me with wide, blue eyes. “I’ll be fine. It’s not aboutyou. The flinching. It’s not about you. People are never actually on my side. But you are. I trust you.”
The words were like a knife made entirely of ice, piercing my chest and stabbing me straight in the heart. He trusted me. He believed in some version of me that wasn’t real.
“Cade, you shouldn’t trust me. I betrayed Declan. He wanted me to do a job, kill someone for him, but I didn’t. There was a woman, an alpha, giving out an antidote for Reaper to Declan’s junkies. I wassupposedto kill her, but I hesitated. I let her get away.” Because it was impossible to kill her when she reminded me so much of my mother. I finished lamely, “You shouldn’t trust me.”
“I do, though.” There was something soft and vulnerable in Cade’s voice, and when I looked into his eyes, I saw fear underneath the chill he cloaked himself in. Cade didn’t trust anyone. How could he, growing up the way he did? But somehow, for reasons neither of us understood, he trusted me.
And that scared him.
“How should we do this?” Cade asked, swallowing. He lifted his chin, false bravado as he walked over to the bed, gesturing with his hand toward it. “I suppose if we do it in the bed, then we’ll continue to smell like each other even tomorrow.”
I frowned at him. “You want us to share a bed after?”
Cade turned away, tugging at the hem of his shirt. “One of the servants told a councilor we weren’t sleeping in the same bed. That was part of the gossip.”
Nodding, I approached Cade from behind. His breath hitched, but he didn’t flinch. “Look at me.”
He turned, his eyes finding mine, and I felt a thrill flicker in my chest at how easily he listened.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
Cade rolled his eyes, then reached down and tugged off his shirt. He didn’t look at me, instead unfastening the narrow leather belt at his waist. He unbuttoned his pants and shoved them down his legs, kicking them aside, standing naked except for his underwear.
He tilted his head, gesturing to me with his hand. “Hurry up, let’s get on with this.”
With a shake of my head, I stepped forward. “If we are going to ‘just get on with this,’ then we should just lie next to each other and jerk off.”
Slowly, I reached out, touching his elbow and dragging my fingertips up to his shoulder. He tensed, then forcibly relaxed, gritting his jaw.
“How long since you had sex with someone? Someone else. Your own right hand doesn’t count.” I slid my fingers down his shoulder, watching the ink on his skin swirl away from my fingertips. I traced down his forearm, appreciating the muscle, and found the fine blue veins on the back of his hand.
“Why do you need to know?” Cade asked, his voice breathy.
“I like both of us on the same page,” I said.
“A while,” Cade said uncomfortably. “Why? When was the last timeyouhad sex? Because when I found you, you looked like you hadn’t showered in days, and you smelled even worse. I think even the prostitutes in that bar I dragged you out of would have had higher standards than to approach you.”
“It’s been a few months.” I cupped his hand in mine, then used my free hand to trace his fingers, watching them twitch. “No one had caught my interest for a while.”
“Oh?” Cade sounded breathless. “And what catches your interest? Tall? Muscled? A… werewolf?”
Shaking my head, I thought about the last person I had had sex with. It had been a fellow hired gun, someone working for one of Declan’s contractors. He’d been my size, just as rough as I was around the edges.
Cade was panting, as though this touch was more than he could bear. I looked up at his face, and he was staring at me, his eyes wide, wanting more. His tongue flicked out to trace his plush bottom lip.
