‘Cool, thanks. There in a couple of minutes.’
Evie sprinted into her en suite, re-did her hair and finished applying more lipstick just as there was a knock on her door.
‘Evening again,’ she said as she opened it. Dan’s eyes went straight to her lips.Sostupid of her to have put more lipstick on for him. He’d clearlynoticed. Maybe she should mention it. No, she’d sound ridiculous. ‘Drink?’ she said. ‘From the minibar?’Drink? She’d actually just suggested that they drink alcohol again. In a room just the two of them. When she’d clearly just reapplied her lipstick. And he was looking jump-me-now gorgeous and all she could think of was how much she’dliketo jump him now. ‘Or tea or coffee?’
‘A coffee would be great, thanks.’
‘White, three sugars?’
‘Nope. I’ve gone on a health drive recently. Only two sugars.’
‘Ha.’ Evie filled the kettle and switched it on.
‘That’s a really loud kettle,’ Dan said.
‘Yeah.’ They stood in silence for a moment and then Evie said, ‘Why don’t you sit on the chair? I’ll take the bed.’
When she’d made Dan’s coffee and a tea for herself, she sat down on the edge of the bed and said, ‘So I was going to google how to get divorced this evening.Reallynot how I imagined spending my thirtieth.’
‘No. We were supposed to be on our honeymoonthis evening after coming good on our fallback pact.’
‘Exactly.’ Evielovedhow expressive Dan’s eyes were. And mild jokes were clearly the way forward here. ‘And then have our two point five kids,’ she said, and then gasped. ‘Oh my God.’ What if she’d gotpregnantlast night?
‘No, I think it’s okay. I mean, I’m sure it is. We were definitely careful.’
Evie thought back and hoped she wasn’t blushing. ‘Yup,’ she said. ‘Pity we couldn’t have been a bit more careful when it came to avoiding wedding chapels.’
‘Yeah.’ Dan nodded.
‘Bloody Susan,’ Evie said.
‘Yeah.’
And then they stared at each other for ages and then Evie sniggered and then Dan did and then they both properly laughed until Dan was leaning back in the armchair snorting and holding his sides and Evie was lying on her side on the bed gasping and honking.
Eventually they were both sitting up straight again, and Dan said, ‘If I’m honest, that’s not normally the effect I’m hoping for when I sleep with someone.’
Evie looked at him and smiled, but not a lot. That didn’t seem so funny, actually. Right now she didn’t want to think of Dan sleeping with other people, or the fact that it didn’t seem like the two of them would sleep together ever again.
‘Yeah, too soon for jokes,’ Dan said. ‘Sorry.’
‘No, don’t say sorry.’ Evie picked her cup up from her bedside table. ‘My tea’s gone cold. I’m going to make more for both of us. Have you managed to do any divorce googling yet? I did a little bit this morning but nothing concrete because my head hurt.’
‘Yep, same. I’ve done a bit. What I’ve gleaned so far is that an annulment would be better than a divorce because then legally it would be like the marriage never happened, and that you can get an annulment based on being completely off your faces but you have to have evidence. And the sooner we do it the better. And I think we’ll need to pay an attorney because there are a lot of forms. But I think it’ll be okay. Although quite expensive.’
‘Yes, that’s what I thought too. So annoying,’ Evie said, stirring their milk in. ‘Why couldn’t we have just stolen a couple of road signs or something? Why did we have to getmarried?’
‘I know.’
She handed him his new coffee and sat back down on the bed. ‘So maybe we should both do a bit more googling and come up with a shortlist of attorneys and check them out and then approach the best one. I’m pretty sure it’ll be okay to do it once we’re both back in London and we won’t need to stay on longer here.’
‘Good plan.’ Dan took a sip of coffee and shook his head. ‘Not enough sugar. What kind of a wife are you?’ He looked up at her and said, ‘Still too soon for jokes?’
Evie rolled her eyes. ‘I’m a great wife. I’m trying to stop your teeth falling out. Want to spend ten minutes googling now so that we have a plan? And then we can try calling them on Monday?’
Ten minutes later they had a shortlist and their plan. Dan drank the last bit of his coffee and stood up.
‘So, good,’ he said, ‘I think it’ll be okay. Just a very expensive and admin-heavy experience. Maybe not one to repeat in a hurry.’ He moved over to the door. ‘Happy birthday again. Goodnight.’
