Should she split up with Matthew? No. She did care about him and they did get on well and it just didn’t feel like Dan, with all his life issues – and apparent lack of interest in commitment – was right for her. Thinking about her mum, it was easy to see that romance with people like Dan wasn’t good for you; and she couldn’t let her feelings for him prevent her forever from having a meaningful relationship with someone else. Really, she should probably just avoid Dan for a while, once they were back in London living their separate lives.
‘I might call him,’ Dan said after a while. ‘See if he wants to meet for a beer. Pretty sure I’m always going to think he’s a bastard for what he did to Mum, but also, he was an okay dad in some ways. I mean, he obviously isn’t pure evil. He was often a harsh parent but I’m fairly sure that, if I get in touch with him, he’ll be pleased. And make time for me. Although, saying that, he left Sasha’s pre-wedding dinner early.’
‘Your dad’s maybe the kind of man who’s proud. And it was probably obvious to everyone there including him that he was spectacularly unwelcome, so maybe he thought it was for the best? A lot of things aren’t really that straightforward, are they?’
‘I hadn’t actually thought of that. Too busy being angry. Okay. That’s it. I’m going to call him later. Or text him, anyway. What about you? Do you ever think about your father, if you don’t mind me asking?’
‘Not much. I try not to, really. Mum has literally no idea who he was and the only thing she knows for definite about him was that he was mixed race and that his name rhymed with “ick”. And I used to wonder and then I just stopped. It is what it is. I’m very happy being me and I love my family unit with Mum and Autumn. I had a great upbringing with a mother I know adores me and who’s so lovely that people in the village like Mrs Bird who were initially disapproving of her lifestyle are now big fans of hers.’ Her mother really was wonderful despite the chaos. Eviehadhad a great childhood. ‘And I was lucky that school was multi-cultural and also had a lot of other kids from single-parent homes, so as a family we’ve encountered less prejudice than a lot of people do. And when you look at all the bastards that Mum’s hooked up with over the years, including Jack, whoknowsabout Autumn and yet has only met her twice, even though she’s now nearly eight andamazingand a lot easier to look after than when she was a baby or toddler, chances are that my father was a bastard too and wouldn’t have added anything to my life.’
‘Sounds rational,’ said Dan. ‘Although these things aren’t always rational, are they?’
‘No, they aren’t. But I genuinely have rationalised it and most of the time I’ve succeeded.’
Dan nodded. ‘So, “ick”?’
‘Yeah. Apparently she was pissed at the time, and they were in a club and it was noisy and she never really caught his name, but she’s pretty sure it might have been Nick. Or Vic. Or Mick. But she definitely remembers “ick”. And that was it. A one-night stand.’ One reason that Evie wasn’t so keen on them herself.
‘That must be hard,’ Dan said.
‘I mean, yes, a bit, if I’m honest, but also, you know, it is what it is. A lot of people don’t know their fathers.’ Evie watched some rabbits playing on the hill opposite them. ‘Anyway. If I ever want to look for him, at least I have “ick” to go by. I mean, “ick”, for God’s sake.’
‘The pair of us,’ Dan said. ‘Shit father situations one way or another.’
‘Mum sometimes says the “ick” was probablyDickorThick.’
They looked at each other and sniggered a little bit, and then they both really laughed, for ages.
‘Not even that funny,’ said Dan, eventually. ‘Come on.’ He stood up and then took Evie’s hand and pulled her to her feet. ‘Scarf back on?’
‘Yep. Feel that breeze.’
Dan looped the scarf round her neck and said, ‘Lots of layers or only a couple?’
‘More than a couple but not loads.’
‘Okay.’ Dan nodded, very seriously. ‘Got to get it right. The beauty of an extremely long scarf.’
‘Exactly,’ said Evie, pleased. ‘And, because it’s so wide, and yet soft, you can fold it too. A little bit pashmina-like.’
Dan looped it again round her neck. They were standing very close now, and he was holding both ends of the scarf.
‘Like this?’ His voice was slightly hoarse.
‘Mmm,’ said Evie. He had that look in his eye again. It probably mirrored how her own eyes were looking. Dan tugged a tiny bit on the ends of the scarf and Evie stepped forward.
He moistened his lips slightly. It felt like right now Evie had a decision to make about whether or not they would kiss. She wassooootempted. But it was so wrong. And, even if she were single, Dan was the wrong person for her.
She smiled at him and pulled her scarf away and wound it once more round her neck and said, ‘So I think that’s the perfect amount of scarf winding,’ and started walking.
Twenty-Nine
Now – August 2022
Dan
Fair enough.
Dan smiled at Evie and shoved his hands in his pockets.
