‘Cheers.’ Dan took a long sip.
‘So you said you had something you wanted to talk to me about?’
‘Yup.’
‘So, fire ahead?’
‘Okay.’ Dan took another long sip and then said, ‘I wanted to apologise again, as adults, about the accident.’
‘What?’ Max was just staring at him.
After a few seconds, Dan couldn’t take the silence any more. He drank some more beer and then looked around at the bar. Maybe he should go and buy some crisps or something. Or just leave.
‘Why are you apologising now?’ Max asked, just as Dan was on the brink of standing up. ‘It was so many years ago and you apologised then, a lot, and it wasn’t your fault, so actually there was never any need for any apology.’
‘It was my fault.’ Dan partially relaxed back down onto his stool. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Seriously. It wasn’t your fault. It could have been either of us. We were both a bit pissed and we were half-fighting. And I’m cool about it now. It was half a lifetime ago. I’m happy now. You can’t regret stuff that happened in the past if you’re happy where you are now, can you? It all contributed to getting to that happy place. I can’t actually believe you’ve brought this up now. Has this been eating away at you?’
‘No,’ Dan said. ‘I mean, maybe a little.’
‘God, Dan.God. Is this why I’ve always felt that you’ve kept me a little at arm’s length? I thought you were just really busy with work, or it was something to do with Dad.’
Dan shook his head. And then nodded.
‘Oh myGod.’ Max had spoken so loudly that the people at the nearest tables turned round to look at them. Max ignored them. ‘I wish we’d had this conversation a long time ago. Just for the record, I properly love my life now. I’ve met the man of my dreams, not to sound too vomit-worthy, and we’re getting married. I have a great job, which I might not have if I hadn’t had the accident when I did. And I swerved a lot of pressure. I mean, I saw some of my friends develop real mental health issues from the whole selection thing. Constant stress. Like, even if you make it to the GB squad, do you make it to the Olympics, for example? And, if you do, what are the chances of you actually winning? As it is, I never failed at anything. I went out at the top of my game. Who knows, I might have peaked five minutes later and been dropped. Obviously I wasn’t happy in the immediate aftermath, but I was never angry withyou, and, you know, you have to be able to make the best of any given situation. I’mreallyhappy with my life.’
‘So. Wow.’ Dan couldn’t quite believe it. ‘Is that all true?’
‘Yes. One hundred per cent.’ Max shook his head again. ‘I’m so sorry that you’ve been holding this burden for so long.’
Dan couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even move his mouth into a smile. If he did disturb his features at all, tears might spill out, and he was a grown man and he didn’t want to cry.
‘Can I ask you something?’ Max said. ‘I was going to ask this anyway, but now feels like the right time.’
Dan nodded.
‘Will you be my best man? And help me plan the wedding? We have less than a year until the big day and that isn’t long.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, really. Of course, really.’ Max looked seriously offended.
‘I’d be honoured.’ Dan could barely squeeze the words past the lump in his throat.
‘And I’m honoured to have you. Come here.’ Max moved round the table and pulled Dan into a rough hug. ‘Love you, brother.’
Dan’s eyes felt far too full right now but his shoulders felt a lot lighter, like years of guilt and shame had just been lifted off.
If he could ever talk about this without blubbing like a baby, he’d have to tell Evie. He needed to thank her.
Thirty
Now – September 2022
Evie
Evie was in the staff room with her friend Priya, feeling – like she did every September – both excited and shellshocked about the first day of the new school year, when she got a text from Dan. Her heart literally lifted at the sight of his name on her screen.
