‘Yes, I did.’ Aaliyah took hold of Lily’s shoulders and moved her round in a little circle. ‘Doesn’t she look amazing?’
‘She really does. Wow,’ said Meg.
‘Great haircut, Lily,’ said Pythagoras.
‘What about mine?’ asked Tess, lifting the hat.
‘Self-centred bride-bloody-zilla,’ Aaliyah muttered, not totally under her breath, while Pythagoras did his obvious duty and told Tess that of course her haircut was beautiful and she was going to be a stunning bride.
And Lily stood there furious with herself for really wanting Matt to look over towards them and see her with her rescued hairstyle.
Four
Matt
‘Metaxa shots all round.’ Donny, Tom’s best man, and his friend Carlton put trays of glasses down on their tables.
‘It’s four p.m.?’ said Matt, thinking of the couple of hours of work he’d been hoping to squeeze in between now and dinner.
‘Yeah, you’re right, we should have started earlier.’ Donny put two in front of each man and an extra one in front of Tom. ‘Tonight is Tom’s actual stag night. Gives him all of tomorrow to recover before the wedding.’
‘I don’t think I need an actual massive stag night,’ Tom said. ‘Just a chilled holiday with my mates.’
‘Don’t be stupid.’ Donny gave him an extra shot glass. ‘Dereliction of my duty if I didn’t give you a big night tonight. But don’t worry, we’re going to take it slowly. On account of the heat.’
‘Oh God,’ Tom said.
‘That’s right.’ Carlton slapped him on the back.
‘Okay.’ Donny banged a spoon on the table. ‘On the count of one, everyone downs their first. On the count of two, everyone downs their second. And on the count of three, Tom downs his third. And then we’ll get the beers in.’
‘Oh God,’ Tom said again.
‘Drink this,’ Donny ordered everyone a few hours later when they’d moved into a private room at the back of a restaurant for dinner. Probably a few hours, anyway. It was hard to tell how much time had passed.
Matt was very pleased that they were about to eat. Soak up some of the alcohol. He was getting too old for this.
‘Are these spiked?’ he asked, trying to focus on the cup of black coffee that had just been placed in front of him.
‘Nope. Straight up pure double espressos. Because you’re all lightweights and the evening’s young and you need to re-focus.’
‘Oh God,’ croaked Tom.
‘Everyone needs to eat bread too,’ said Carlton as their waiter distributed huge baskets of pittas and baguettes with dips and bowls of olives. ‘And drink water after your coffee.’
The coffee, bread and water did help. By the time Donny and Carlton were checking their watches and nudging each other and looking over to the door, Matt’s head was clear enough for him to know that they were blatantly waiting for something to happen and that Tom was about to be further stitched up in some way.
Donny and Carlton’s nudging and smirking really took off as a woman dressed in a short, belted raincoat, bare legs and very high heels shimmied into the room.
They pointed at Tom and she walked up to him and sat herself on his lap.
‘Woah, no thank you,’ said Tom. ‘Don’t want to be rude but I’m nearly a husband. Can’t have other women sitting on me.’ He blinked several times like he was trying to focus and then said, ‘Why are you wearing a coat? It’s hot here.’
‘You think I’m overdressed?’ she purred. She slid off his lap and began to undo her belt as Donny pressed the play button on his phone for some dun-dun-dunmusic.
Tom put his head on the table and closed his eyes as she did her routine.
‘I don’t feel good about this now,’ Donny told Matt and a few of the others. ‘You know you feel you have to have a stripper on a stag, but this is just demeaning everyone.’ He turned the music off and held his hand up. ‘I’m sorry,’ he told the woman. ‘You’ve been fantastic. Thank you.’ He pulled notes out of his wallet and handed them to her. ‘A tip. Thank you again.’
