‘It’s Lily, isn’t it?’ Norm said. ‘You holidayed with us a few years ago.’
‘Yes, it is.’ She put her hand into the one he was holding out to her. ‘How lovely to see you again, Norm.’
‘It’s lovely to see you too. I remember very much enjoying your company. Now—’ Norm had kept hold of her hand and now tucked it into his arm and with his other arm began to usher Matt further into the garden with them ‘—come with me, both of you, over here. You’ve both got your heads screwed on well. I’d like your opinion on something.’
‘Sounds interesting,’ said Matt as Norm escorted them across the lawn.
‘I know you don’t mean that,’ said Norm. ‘You think I’m just going to show you a nice flower or bush. However, look at this.’ He led them round the back of the water feature and positioned them both looking towards the back of it.
Lily gasped, ‘Goodness,’ while Matt choked on his wine.
‘Exactly.’ Norm nodded. ‘Never seen anything so phallic in my life. What are your thoughts? Must have been done on purpose, mustn’t it?’
‘Wow.’ Lily hauled her jaw off the ground and said, ‘Yes. It must have been.’
‘You’re the architect.’ Norm nudged Matt. ‘Ever had anyone ask you to design a giant penis and balls for their garden?’
‘No.’ Matt shook his head. ‘They’ve done a good job. It’s amazing how you only see it from this angle.’
‘Once you’ve seen it, though, you can’t un-see it,’ Lily said. ‘Ilovethe weirdness of it.’ She went round the other side to take a closer look and then went back. ‘Knowing what you know now, go and take a look from the other side. It’s actuallyobscene.’
Matt and Norm went round the front together and then reappeared, both snorting with laughter.
‘I wonder who had this designed,’ Lily said. Surely it couldn’t have been Penelope, the owner of the villa, who was wearing a prim, floral-patterned dress and low heels, and giving off a very strait-laced vibe.
‘Precisely.’ Norm beamed at them both. ‘That’s what makes it even more special. Penelope had it installed about five years ago. Either she asked for the design or the designer played a little trick on her.’
‘Wow,’ Lily said.
‘How did you see this in the first place? Did theyshowyou?’ asked Matt. ‘No offence, Norm, but who sneaks behind a water feature in the back corner of someone else’s garden?’
‘Someone who wants a quick ciggie or a quiet beer out of view of his wife and her friends,’ said Norm, like Matt was stupid.
A woman’s voice hollered, ‘Norm, Norm, where are you? I need you.’
‘Exactly,’ Norm said. ‘As if by magic. That’s Carole. I’d better go. Life not worth living if I don’t do what I’m told.’ He didn’t totally look like he was joking. ‘I’ll look forward to speaking to you again later, Lily. Excuse me.’ He disappeared back round the water-spouting phallus as Carole started shouting for him again.
And Lily was left with Matt, behind a naughty water feature in his aunt’s friend’s garden on a small Greek island. Weird. She smiled at him and he smiled back.
‘I like Norm a lot,’ he said. ‘He’s a splendid uncle.’
Lily nodded. ‘Me too. You tempted to check the water feature design out in detail and suggest incorporating it in future client plans?’
‘Well, yes, obviously. Since I’m here. Although really that would be more the remit of a landscape gardener you’d think,’ Matt said. ‘Oh my God.’
‘What?’
‘Carole’s asked me to design some holiday rental houses on her land, and she wanted me to check out some features of several houses on Antiparos. I’m pretty sure that one of them was this house.’
‘Wow. So you might be designing naughty garden features for your own aunt and uncle soon.’ Lily sniggered.
‘I bloody hope not.’
‘You wouldn’t want to do a direct copy. You’d have to be original. Maybe some boob fountains or something.’
‘Yeah, I don’t even want to begin to think what the “or something” might be. I’dreallylike to hope Carole – let’s face it, Norm isn’t going to get a look in on the planning – doesn’t have any plans like this. Although…’ They looked at each other. ‘That time…’ Matt said.
‘Yeah.’ Lily winced. Even nine years on, you didn’t want to be reminded of when your then-boyfriend’s aunt had tried to get the two of you to model very risqué underwear for the latest catalogue for her global lingerie business. She’d just branched out into men’s trunks at the time and had thought some moonlit beach shots of them up close and personal wearing almost nothing would be perfect.
