‘I know.’ Lily squeezed Marie’s hand. ‘What are her triggers?’
‘We thought it was only viral-induced but I don’t think she has a virus at the moment. She gets admitted to hospital a lot so we thought long and hard about coming on holiday to a small island like this, but then we thought it would be okay because it’s the summer and she’s normally only ill in the winter months. Are you a doctor?’
‘No. I’m a midwife but I have personal experience of asthma. I totally understand your worries about being on the island but I’m sure there are medical options. Carole knows everyone. She’ll absolutely be able to get you to Paros and to a hospital if necessary. But hopefully it won’t be necessary, given that her sats are good and she isn’t recessing and doesn’t have a tug. It looks like the puffs are working, doesn’t it?’
‘I hope so.’ Marie was looking almost grey with anxiety. ‘I think we’ll be too scared ever to leave London again.’
Lily looked at her. She never talked about her health with anyone except medical professionals and very occasionally her three best friends. But it would be awful for another family to get as stressed as hers had, and maybe damage relationships as a result.
‘I used to have very severe asthma as a child,’ she said. ‘Viral induced but also what we think must have been some allergies that we never quite worked out. And stress sometimes. I was admitted to hospital a lot. Many dozens of times. Literally at least once a month in the winter months when I was little. Sometimes every fortnight. And then as I got older I got much better, and my asthma’s much milder now, and very well managed. I take a steroid inhaler religiously morning and night, but since I’m an adult that’s no problem and I never forget because I do it straight before I clean my teeth, and I carry a blue inhaler with me but I don’t have to use it that much. I have a completely normal life.’
‘Oh wow. Thank you so much,’ Marie said. ‘That’s really helpful.’ She paused, glanced at Ricky, and then said, ‘Could I ask how your parents coped with your asthma?’ Ricky looked up and then down at his feet. Yep, clearly finding it very hard.
Lily really wasn’t keen to go into too many details but it felt like she had no choice if it might help Marie and Ricky.
‘Not brilliantly, if I’m honest,’ she said. ‘My parents both really struggled with it and they were both working full-time, so my granny ended up looking after me a lot – she retired early, in fact, so that she had the time to be with me – so I had a great relationship with her and more of a distant one with my parents. And my mother was so stressed about my health that she stopped me doing a lot of stuff. If I were giving advice, I think what I’d want to tell you would be that you maybe have to try hard just to view it as an annoying problem that you deal with when it happens, but don’t let it ruin Mimi’s childhood or your family life. Maybe don’t try to stop her from doing things and don’t let it define any of you. Which is obviously easier said than done.’
Ricky looked up from the ground and nodded. ‘Wise words. Probably an easy trap to fall into. Thank you.’
‘Yes, thank you so much.’ Marie had several more questions for Lily about how her asthma had developed over the years, and her triggers.
‘There are a lot of people with mild and moderate asthma,’ Marie said eventually, ‘but actually not that many with severe asthma. It really is reassuring and useful to hear your experience.’
‘I’m so pleased to have helped,’ said Lily. It had actually felt fine talking about it. Maybe she should find a way of using her experience to try to help other people in their position.
‘I think we can go and find Lauren again now,’ Marie said. ‘Mimi’s looking a lot better.’
As they sat down, Marie said again, ‘Thank you so much, Lily. Hearing about your experiences has helped so much. Especially the fact that your asthma’s so well managed now, having been so severe when you were young.’
‘Honestly, I’m just pleased to have helped a little.’
Lily felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. She turned and found Matt staring at her.
Six
Matt
Lily looked at him and pushed her chair back. ‘Excuse me for a moment,’ she said, smiling at Marie and Ricky but not meeting Matt’s eye.
‘Is Mimi okay?’ Matt asked Marie.
‘I think she’s going to be fine, thank you.’ Marie kissed the top of Mimi’s head and smiled at Matt.
‘So great that Lily was able to help you.’ God, he despised himself. He was totally prolonging this conversation so that he could ask about what he’d just heard. Lily had asthma? How could he not have known?
‘I know.’ Marie nodded. She had a lot to say about Lily’s childhood and later experiences.
‘Yeah, must be very comforting. I’m sure that Mimi will be okay as she gets older,’ Matt said as Marie wound up, surprised to hear his voice holding steady against the wave of heat that had washed over him. What was it? Confusion? Hurt? Disappointment? Anger too, if he was honest. A mind-blowing combination of them all. He was almost shaking.
This wasn’t him. He never felt like this. But.
Lily had been admitted to hospital on numerous occasions? She’d had severe asthma? Her parents had been beside themselves about it?
Matt had never been admitted to hospital himself, so, okay, he couldn’t say for certain, but he was pretty sure that if he had been it would have been a big deal. Something he’d have told people about. Especially if it had involved life-threatening asthma and had happened very frequently. Why hadn’t she ever mentioned any of this?
He caught a movement and looked up. Lily was walking back to the table.
She sat back down and said, ‘So pudding’s going to be as delicious as the main course. Some sugary little doughnuts with a sauce.’
